Reflections
It's been 40 weeks since I last updated. I always mean to keep a fairly regular journal, but I somehow never manage to do so. You'd think that with all the time I spend on the internet, it wouldn't be hard, but then, you don't know me very well.
It amazes me that the littlest things can be so difficult to cope with. I know and realize that life is never fair and that it usually doesn't turn out how you wish, but sometimes that point hits hard.
People come and go, entering other lives seemingly randomly, and then before you know it, the stranger you now call friend has become one of the most important people in your life. Each of us wanders in and out of relationships, never quite realizing the effect we have on others. We're all so self-centered that all we know is where we are, and we don't think about the effects the passage of time is having on the people we leave behind. People grow, people change, people die. Not one of us knows when our allotted time will run out, but few of us seem to care. We go through life the same way every day, rarely taking the time to recognize that which matters most to us, be it another person or some activity.
It is a complete and utter waste to spend any time doing things which will not get us closer to our goals, hopes, and dreams. Each wasted second is gone forever, never to return. We should spend much less time fighting and worrying, and much more living and learning. Knowledge and happiness are two of the most fulfilling things in existence, and both can be obtained relatively easily.
To gain knowledge, you only need a teacher. It can be a book, a scholar, or a hard knock. It can be your youngest sibling, your dog, or a stranger passing you in the street. It can be a children's TV show or a video game. Why stop learning when there are so many ways to do so? It doesn't have to be torture, and it doesn't have to be school, with grades and tests. Life is all about learning and growing.
Happiness is nothing more than an attitude. Some of the most destitute people alive are the happiest, while the most monetarily wealthy are shielded and alone. You don't need things or people to be happy--you only need to look at your situation in a better light. So what if your car broke? Now you can walk or bike to work, or carpool with a coworker. That ride to work every day might be the start of the best friendship you've ever had. Your house burned down? Use it as a chance to start over fresh. Go somewhere new and do whatever it is you've always wanted, but never had the guts, to do. Someone close to you died? Remember them fondly. Put up pictures, and tell everyone you can about how much a difference that person made to you and why. It will inspire someone to be a better person. Bad things happen to counteract the good, and everything that is put in our way is something we are able to conquer. It might be a long, hard road, but in the end, the reward will be worth it.
People moving away is a chance to tell them how much they mean to you while they can still understand. I find it absolutely heartbreaking when someone is standing above the casket at a funeral, pouring out their heart, but to no avail. If you had said those words while the person was alive, what a difference it could have made. We're all too busy moving quickly through our lives to remember to thank everyone who has helped us. Be grateful you get the chance to let someone know you appreciate them, be glad for the times you spoke your heart even though it was hard, and never forget the times you regret keeping your mouth shut, because those are the lessons we each need to learn. Know when to reach out a hand, even if no one takes it, and when to keep to yourself, because you'll just be used.
To could-have-beens who tried to apologize for actions against me-I forgave you. I have wronged you, too, in ways worse than you wronged me, and you are a hundred thousand times better than I for owning up to your actions.
To those of you I keep close to my heart, even though you've forgotten me-I miss you. I will always love each of you, for different reasons. I am always here for you, even if we don't talk for 80 years. A part of me will die when you leave this world. I hope you know how much you meant to me when you still had time for me.
To those of you I have left behind-I'm sorry for not trying harder. I am selfish, and it is too hard for me to try to fulfill the same role I did when I was still physically and emotionally close. I hope you can forgive me one day for moving on and casting you aside.
To the ones who tried to be my everything-none of the words I said were ever a lie. I nearly always mean what I say, and I don't falsify things of such importance. It didn't work out because I changed, situations changed, and you changed. Life is dynamic, and change is impossible to avoid. I'm sorry for breaking your hearts, and I hope that you won't be bitter toward me forever.
To those of you who have stuck by me-thanks for putting up with me. I know I have a lot of quirks and I know that I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I'm sorry for the times you needed me but I ignored you. I have been trying to do better. You DO matter to me, a lot, even if I don't tell you often enough.
To everyone important I have yet to meet-I hope I can be a better friend to you than I have been to people in the past. I am callous and tell the truth too baldly, but I do care, more than you might know. My insecurities sometimes get in the way of my most important relationships, but I hope you can look past that. May you learn from your past, and may your future be bright.
Humbly,
DamaskFallacy
It amazes me that the littlest things can be so difficult to cope with. I know and realize that life is never fair and that it usually doesn't turn out how you wish, but sometimes that point hits hard.
People come and go, entering other lives seemingly randomly, and then before you know it, the stranger you now call friend has become one of the most important people in your life. Each of us wanders in and out of relationships, never quite realizing the effect we have on others. We're all so self-centered that all we know is where we are, and we don't think about the effects the passage of time is having on the people we leave behind. People grow, people change, people die. Not one of us knows when our allotted time will run out, but few of us seem to care. We go through life the same way every day, rarely taking the time to recognize that which matters most to us, be it another person or some activity.
It is a complete and utter waste to spend any time doing things which will not get us closer to our goals, hopes, and dreams. Each wasted second is gone forever, never to return. We should spend much less time fighting and worrying, and much more living and learning. Knowledge and happiness are two of the most fulfilling things in existence, and both can be obtained relatively easily.
To gain knowledge, you only need a teacher. It can be a book, a scholar, or a hard knock. It can be your youngest sibling, your dog, or a stranger passing you in the street. It can be a children's TV show or a video game. Why stop learning when there are so many ways to do so? It doesn't have to be torture, and it doesn't have to be school, with grades and tests. Life is all about learning and growing.
Happiness is nothing more than an attitude. Some of the most destitute people alive are the happiest, while the most monetarily wealthy are shielded and alone. You don't need things or people to be happy--you only need to look at your situation in a better light. So what if your car broke? Now you can walk or bike to work, or carpool with a coworker. That ride to work every day might be the start of the best friendship you've ever had. Your house burned down? Use it as a chance to start over fresh. Go somewhere new and do whatever it is you've always wanted, but never had the guts, to do. Someone close to you died? Remember them fondly. Put up pictures, and tell everyone you can about how much a difference that person made to you and why. It will inspire someone to be a better person. Bad things happen to counteract the good, and everything that is put in our way is something we are able to conquer. It might be a long, hard road, but in the end, the reward will be worth it.
People moving away is a chance to tell them how much they mean to you while they can still understand. I find it absolutely heartbreaking when someone is standing above the casket at a funeral, pouring out their heart, but to no avail. If you had said those words while the person was alive, what a difference it could have made. We're all too busy moving quickly through our lives to remember to thank everyone who has helped us. Be grateful you get the chance to let someone know you appreciate them, be glad for the times you spoke your heart even though it was hard, and never forget the times you regret keeping your mouth shut, because those are the lessons we each need to learn. Know when to reach out a hand, even if no one takes it, and when to keep to yourself, because you'll just be used.
To could-have-beens who tried to apologize for actions against me-I forgave you. I have wronged you, too, in ways worse than you wronged me, and you are a hundred thousand times better than I for owning up to your actions.
To those of you I keep close to my heart, even though you've forgotten me-I miss you. I will always love each of you, for different reasons. I am always here for you, even if we don't talk for 80 years. A part of me will die when you leave this world. I hope you know how much you meant to me when you still had time for me.
To those of you I have left behind-I'm sorry for not trying harder. I am selfish, and it is too hard for me to try to fulfill the same role I did when I was still physically and emotionally close. I hope you can forgive me one day for moving on and casting you aside.
To the ones who tried to be my everything-none of the words I said were ever a lie. I nearly always mean what I say, and I don't falsify things of such importance. It didn't work out because I changed, situations changed, and you changed. Life is dynamic, and change is impossible to avoid. I'm sorry for breaking your hearts, and I hope that you won't be bitter toward me forever.
To those of you who have stuck by me-thanks for putting up with me. I know I have a lot of quirks and I know that I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I'm sorry for the times you needed me but I ignored you. I have been trying to do better. You DO matter to me, a lot, even if I don't tell you often enough.
To everyone important I have yet to meet-I hope I can be a better friend to you than I have been to people in the past. I am callous and tell the truth too baldly, but I do care, more than you might know. My insecurities sometimes get in the way of my most important relationships, but I hope you can look past that. May you learn from your past, and may your future be bright.
Humbly,
DamaskFallacy