lullabies.
washed down, pale stone, sinking
down through the abyss that Time has laid
snickering beneath his hood, that trickster of the sands
keeping our harm hidden, keeping the birds flying tied to ribbon
like we too, grow our wings to mimic
sharp contours and misguided impressions
in these vacant lots, those rain studded streets
fashioning paths that intertwine, like we alone
could control the lines drawn
to keep these mirrors askew.
the thunder cascades, down the spine
a moment ,all it's taken is a moment
shattered into thousands,
scattered across the roads before us,
leaving us to walk the slow walk
and regather what we thought we could earn
in just that one moment
of realizing..
like fools in love, like the fool of the tarot
it takes a fool to care so much against all odds.
the folly of humanity, is also seemingly its greatest gift,
(sometimes that perfection is perceived)
that pure nativity of a child,
lest we forget.
lest we forget.
just how far we climbed from our dreams..
only to fall back and linger into stagnation..?
is that it? is that our choice?
it takes a liar to pretend everything is fine,
so no scar will ever burn again.
freezing is easier than facing forward,
but every moment spent on conditioning,
makes a part of our core fade..
someone once said
'if you weren't meant to be here,you would be gone,
so get over it,overcome it...
do not squander your hidden wealth.."
as we counted the cracks on the ceiling,
and the cracks being built between us..
there were wars waged,behind our eyes,
ever so neatly.like crisp oragami.
and every moment remembered, still cuts like that edge
but with it comes all other moments,
and it may become a gift.
the way of memory, so precious a tool,
when nothing is discarded, because it is the past
when everything is acknowledged
and we learn to stand in balance, not operating,
like makeshift surgeons for an idealistic end
but rather regarding it as a book,
a form in which to turn back to the page from which
you got lost..
"you can unlock any door,
if only you had the key"
and we have all the parts.
all the parts.
all the parts to fix it?.
scented with rain on hot pavement.
and
even if our vision is shrouded by a maze,
and all our moments fall into the depths of puzzles,
our pupils swallowing the darkness-
this time. and the last. and the next..
i can no longer blame,
i can no longer point or scream or burn,
(only smoulder, snapping candles)
i cannot take your luggage on my back,
but i can offer to help you open it,
get bolt cutters for the lock..
and be there.
when the ghosts of yesterday, bent down to my ear
when i lost some of the most precious things, and was held witness
to their heavy words spoken downward
when i couldn't cut it, couldn't find the answers, couldn't heal
the wounds Time had laid on your backs.
and burned my own vivid.
when i lost my mind in between the cracks in the drywall
, and ended up at the darkened edges
smearing blood into paper, and listening closely
for just one more chance...
just some breach to speak once more through
and translate it into a picture that made sense
out of dust,and exhumed beetle wings.
i was just reminded by those dreams, then offered reality
like some lesser prize that somehow felt less likely,
and i felt a bit cheated
compared to, sweet tasting, lingering, seducing
in all its astounding weight, its presence so vibrant
with its contrasts of filth and finery,
where all humans were made on the same skeletal ingredients
and even my sorrows were incomparable,
to the way balance was needed..
it sunk away, and was replaced,
the way life upheld all things..
like an all encompassing curtain, entangled
in cobwebs
comforting and ensnaring,
glittering and restraining..
now there are shadows,still layed sleeping
beneath these eyes, like dream wardens.
there are still nights,that drag me under water
until i breathe and wake.
there are shards,still buried deep within,
that reflect the sadness i may never be able to excavate
may never choose to lose...
there are volumes of history,folded up carefully,
and layed in mind, when walking the present
rendering us half-blind.
and there is a lot of complete nonsense,
to make up for the grating gears
that hum small conversations in my ears
as i lay awake ,night after night
drinking dismantled songs,
to translate them into lullabies..
~J.