Life
Generally speaking I'm happy to be alive.
But backtracking through my life...things really dont flow in a positive essence of the way I need them to be. EVER. Like people may seem to think they got it hard, I know everyone does in some way...but when urs is pretty much rock bottom to all your peers around you, and you just dont realize it until you sit and suddenly it hits you..you wanna do something with your life, but you got strings to break and money to pay. In the end of the thot it's like, why do I even bother.
Like, Mike for example...why didn't I look at myself and just know that I deserved better, but I still love him. And that itself will never die. Even through all the lies and deceit he gave me. I'm not sure why, but thats the way I am. Because ppl never did see when we were alone..how much care and love we had for eachother.
And also with James leaving only 3 weeks into our relationship, I hate that..it's so shitty. The total honey moon part of the relationship...and *sigh* if he doesn't agree to let me come out there I think it's going to be over, unless I know for sure when I will see hm again and it not be a year from now.
And the other big issue right now is my cell bill. If I dont come up with a minimal of 60 dollars by the 5th of nov my plan will be canceled and 200 more will be added to thwe bill and sent to the collection agency which pisses me off, because all I been doing if looking for work and fuck with the waiting game its killing me and now I'm gonna have bad credit...and fucking hell I hate the last two years...wasting all my money on mike and FUCK. I am so mad at myself...I was a fucking idiot and now I'm paying for it. FUCK ING HELL.
So yah if anyone can referance me to a job, that would be great..just leave a comment. Or email me...a_l_k_a_h_o_l_i_k2003@hotmail.com
But backtracking through my life...things really dont flow in a positive essence of the way I need them to be. EVER. Like people may seem to think they got it hard, I know everyone does in some way...but when urs is pretty much rock bottom to all your peers around you, and you just dont realize it until you sit and suddenly it hits you..you wanna do something with your life, but you got strings to break and money to pay. In the end of the thot it's like, why do I even bother.
Like, Mike for example...why didn't I look at myself and just know that I deserved better, but I still love him. And that itself will never die. Even through all the lies and deceit he gave me. I'm not sure why, but thats the way I am. Because ppl never did see when we were alone..how much care and love we had for eachother.
And also with James leaving only 3 weeks into our relationship, I hate that..it's so shitty. The total honey moon part of the relationship...and *sigh* if he doesn't agree to let me come out there I think it's going to be over, unless I know for sure when I will see hm again and it not be a year from now.
And the other big issue right now is my cell bill. If I dont come up with a minimal of 60 dollars by the 5th of nov my plan will be canceled and 200 more will be added to thwe bill and sent to the collection agency which pisses me off, because all I been doing if looking for work and fuck with the waiting game its killing me and now I'm gonna have bad credit...and fucking hell I hate the last two years...wasting all my money on mike and FUCK. I am so mad at myself...I was a fucking idiot and now I'm paying for it. FUCK ING HELL.
So yah if anyone can referance me to a job, that would be great..just leave a comment. Or email me...a_l_k_a_h_o_l_i_k2003@hotmail.com