Incomplete NaNoWriMo
Ianto took him home in his car, and the whole way he fidgeted nervously. Ianto put a hand on his thigh, telling him softly to relax, then turned back to concentrate on the road. He didn’t know why he’d agreed to have sex with him so soon, and wasn’t intending on making a habit out of sex with strangers, but the anticipation was already starting to itch under his skin. Maybe the fact Daniel was a virgin had swayed him. Or maybe it was because he hadn’t had sex for a quarter of the year, when previously he’d even managed a regular three times a day. Nowadays he had too much energy and a helluva lot of lust, and he supposed he was using Daniel to quell it with someone other than Jack. Daniel was, in a way, using him too. That made things kind of equal.
“I don’t have any beer in,” Ianto told him as they walked into his living room. “so it’s basically Coke, milk or fresh orange.”
“I’m okay.” Daniel said in a quiet voice.
Ianto hesitated, and put a hand on his shoulder. “You sure about this?”
“No.” Daniel swallowed. “But ... not going back now. Unless you are.”
Ianto shrugged. “Bedroom’s through here.”
“You’re very neat.” Daniel observed.
“A touch of OCD. Don’t be freaked out.” smiled Ianto, pulling back the bed covers and sitting on the foot of the bed. He patted the mattress next to him, indicating for Daniel to join him. Ianto put a hand behind him on the bed, leaning into Daniel and using his other hand to curl under his chin and turn his head to face him. “Look at me, Daniel.”
Daniel raised his eyes to him, parting his lips slightly. Making sure he knew his intention, Ianto leant forward and kissed him, pushing his tongue forward barely a second after they touched. Daniel reciprocated confidently, running his hands down Ianto's strong arms, up to his shoulders and locking his fingers together behind his neck. Ianto kept his arms around Daniel’s torso, secure but not gripping tight. He waited for Daniel to indicate he wanted to go further, feeling a hand slide down his arm, curl around his wrist and move it southward. Ianto allowed his hand to be pushed into Daniel’s erection, and squeezed it a little. Daniel gasped into Ianto's mouth at the unexpected pressure, and gently Ianto pushed him onto his back.
He broke the kiss to remove his jacket, leaving Daniel lying on the bed as he went to hang it up.
“Um ... how bad is your OCD?” Daniel asked, panting a little, propped up on his elbows.
“It’s just the jacket I don’t want crumpled.” laughed Ianto, lying beside him again. He slid his hand over Daniel’s hip and pressed his hard cock through his jeans again. He groaned almost silently, then tentatively ghosted his own fingers over Ianto's abdomen.
“You’ll have to go a bit lower than that.” Ianto smirked, and Daniel lightly put pressure a little lower.
“Um ... you feel really ... big.” flushed Daniel, taking his hand away. Ianto caught it and put it back, pressing it to himself firmly. Daniel averted his gaze, but Ianto held it there until their eyes locked again. Leaving Daniel’s hand on his crotch, closing his eyes when he more confidently squeezed, Ianto started lifting up his t-shirt. Daniel lifted up his arms to help, then the instant it was off started pulling at Ianto's tie.
“Calm down.” he laughed, pulling his fingers away and starting to undo the knot for him. “You can do the buttons if you want, though really you should have started with the cufflinks.”
Daniel’s breathing was heavy as he pulled Ianto's wrist towards him, fumbling with the cufflink on one sleeve then the other. He gave them to Ianto, who put them on the bedside table. Daniel started on the buttons next as Ianto lay back, letting him kneel beside him and open his shirt slowly.
“Fuzzy.” smiled Daniel, tentatively running his fingers over the hair of Ianto's chest. Ianto smiled up at him. “What happened there?” he asked, indicating the sliced skin and stitches on Ianto's collarbone.
“My friend’s cat did it.” lied Ianto.
He slid his hands down Daniel’s chest, then pushed his fingers below the waistband of his jeans. Sliding his thumb around, he unbuttoned the fastening, and pulled the denim apart while lowering the zip. Daniel moaned softly, feeling Ianto's fingers brush the cotton of his underwear. “You first ...” he breathed.
Ianto gave him a ‘fair enough’ look, and let his trousers and boxers and socks be taken off in one. A trembling hand wrapped around his cock, and he gently raised his hips into the touch, feeling the grip tighten. He reached for Daniel’s waist and pulled his jeans and underwear down his thighs. Ianto stroked the hard flesh gently and Daniel gasped, then bucked forward when Ianto's tongue touched the head of his cock.
“Oi. Control yourself.”
“Sorry.” gasped Daniel, fighting to keep his hips still as Ianto began to lick and kiss and suck him. “Fuckin’ hell ...” he groaned, his head tipping back.
Ianto gave him a quick squeeze and final flick of tongue before letting him go, much to Daniel’s disappointment. “Do you want me ... to ... ah ...?” Daniel asked.
“Just lie on your front.” Ianto told him. “Spread your legs a little wider ...”
Lying down between his legs, Ianto gently pulled him apart and teased his tongue over Daniel’s hole. He writhed and squirmed as Ianto's tongue worked, teeth nipping into the flesh and hot, wet tongue delving inside him.
“Wow ...” gasped Daniel. “... you really know what you’re doing ...”
Ianto said nothing, carrying on, slipping a spit-slicked finger inside the tight ring of muscle, not forcing it too hard or far in case it hurt him. Daniel moaned at the intrusion, lifting his hips a little trying to get further onto Ianto's finger. Ianto slapped his behind gently.
“Eager.” he observed with a laugh, reaching into the bedside drawer for lubricant and a box of condoms from when he and Jack still bothered with them. Not that Jack had ever come back to his flat for sex. Ianto had just kept them in case. He checked the date on them surreptitiously, distracting Daniel with a finger again, then pulled out a foil packet and gave it to Daniel to hold. He squeezed some of the gel onto his finger, then thought back to his first time with Jack.
He’d been on his back, Jack lying between his legs and making sure he could see him, demonstrating what he was about to do. “You should get on your back.” Ianto told Daniel, moving a couple of pillows so that he’d be more comfortable. He settled with his head between his legs, and gently pushed Daniel's knees up and apart, giving him better access. “I’m going to prepare you with one finger first, then when you’re loose enough I’m going to put two inside you, and then I’m going to do this.” He gestured the scissoring and twisting motion, then waited for Daniel’s consent.
Gently, he slid in his middle finger and Daniel clenched around him hard.
“Shhh shhhhh just relax ... relax ...”
“Sorry ...”
“Don’t be. I did exactly the same thing. Just relax and let it happen and past the initial burn, it won’t hurt. At all.”
He felt the muscles around his finger relax, but he withdrew it and waited a couple more seconds, kissing Daniel to reassure him and putting more lube on his fingers, more for show and Daniel’s comfort than need. He tried again, meeting nothing but initial resistance, and he moved his finger in and out a few times as Daniel moaned. Ianto brought his finger nearly all the way out, curled the tip of it on the edge of the hole and added his forefinger. Daniel whimpered an ‘ow’, and Ianto paused.
“Relax, Daniel.” he said. “Just relax, you’re fine.”
Ianto curled his fingers into the prostate, and Daniel writhed and gasped in earnest. He scissored his fingers outwards slowly, and turned them and stretched Daniel open. He held still while Daniel rolled the condom onto his cock, hissing at the cold. Daniel obviously hadn’t realised he’d given it him to hold to keep warm.
Making sure it was on properly, Ianto rested Daniel’s calves on his shoulders. He lined himself up. “Ready?” he asked. Daniel nodded. “Remember to relax, love.” Daniel nodded again, then moaned and threw his head back as Ianto pressed forward inside his body.
Ianto carefully pushed himself all the way inside, watching Daniel’s face contort in pleasure, searching in case of a flicker of pain. He pulled almost all the way out again, changed the angle slightly and moved back inside. Daniel was incredibly tight around him, and he sincerely hoped he could at least outlast a virgin. He leant forward, an elbow either side of Daniel’s head, and began to fuck him slowly.
This was so different to being with Jack, and Ianto relished it. Daniel gave himself over completely, letting Ianto do as he wanted because he had no idea what he wanted himself. His hands were unsure, simply gripping Ianto rather than touching or feeling, and his body was nothing like the solidity of Jack. Ianto had semi-worried about squashing him, but he doubted he’d notice anymore.
He sped up a little, feeling heels digging into the small of his back and nails scrape his shoulders, and his thrusts were becoming more erratic and less controlled. He reached between them and pumped Daniel’s erection, and the kid came far too soon. Ianto felt him clench tight around him, and hot liquid spilled over his hand and splashed his stomach. Daniel moaned into Ianto's mouth as he leant down to kiss him, finding a pace he liked and working himself closer.
Ianto came, biting down on Daniel’s shoulder and barely registering him whimper in pain. Coming back to himself, Ianto rolled off him and took off the condom, wrapping it in a tissue. He cleaned off Daniel’s stomach then his own, pulled the covers over them and relaxed with his hands behind his head. Daniel hesitantly pulled himself closer, and when Ianto smiled at him he pillowed his head on his bicep and rested an arm over his torso.
They lay in silence for a while, drifting between sleep and daydream, until Ianto's phone started vibrating angrily from his trouser pocket on the floor. Sighing, Ianto reached for it, then lay back down for Daniel to hold him again. He missed being held, he realised.
“Yep?” he answered the phone.
“Where the hell are you?”
Jack.
“I’m busy.”
“What with?”
“Stuff.”
“Is it important?”
“Why?”
“Weevil sighting. A big one by the sounds of things.”
“Can’t Gwen go?”
“You know what she’s like ...” Jack practically whined.
“Fine, fine. But I’m not having sex with you.” Ianto snapped, then remembered exactly where he was. He felt Daniel tense in his arms, and gave him a soothing squeeze to the shoulder.
“That wasn’t what I was getting at.”
“Yes you were.” sighed Ianto. “Right ... I’ve gotta go. See ya in a bit.”
He hung up without waiting for a reply.
“Who was that?” Daniel asked casually.
“My boss. He wants me to go back into work.”
“Oh. You said ... like ... are you and he ....?”
“We were. But that was months ago, and he won’t bloody leave me alone.”
Daniel seemed to let out a breath. “So you don’t just shag everyone then?”
“Hell no. I don’t even know why I slept with you so soon.”
“How many ... guys ... have you ... y’know ....?”
“Including you?”
“Yeah.”
“Two.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Honestly?”
“Honestly.” Ianto laughed. “Now let me up, I’ve got to go back to work. Do you want me to drop you anywhere?”
“Erm ... Queen Street will do. If ... that’s not too far out.”
“It’s fine.” smiled Ianto as they began to pull their clothes back on.
“Ianto?” Daniel asked as they drove towards the centre.
“Mmm?”
“Can we ... do this again? Maybe ... like ... a proper date?”
Ianto sighed. “I dunno, Daniel.”
“Oh ... okay ... never mind ... forget I said anything.”
“No ... I ... Look, I’ve just come out of a ... pretty complicated ... thing. And I don’t really want anything more than something physical for now. And ... I’d be taking advantage of you further if I saw you again. You’re a nice guy, and it wouldn’t be fair. Besides, I want to concentrate on my career.”
“On your ‘career’?” asked Daniel, a little sarcastically. “You work in the Tourist Centre.”
Ianto raised an eyebrow, then smiled a little. “I’m not really a receptionist. You think a Tourist Centre receptionist could afford suits like this?”
Daniel’s eyes swept him up and down, and he conceded the point. “What are you really? The police? What are you ... undercover or something?”
“Suppose.” he sighed.
“Are you like ... not supposed to tell me?”
“Supposedly.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Ianto shrugged. “Either way, I want to concentrate on my career and my job.”
“So ... I was an easy shag?”
“I didn’t think of it that way, but if that’s what you want to label it ...”
“Stop the car.”
“Daniel, stop overreacting.”
“Stop. The. Car.”
“No.”
“I’ll get out while it’s moving.”
“You do that then.” shrugged Ianto. “I’m fully comp.”
Daniel bit his lip, then stared at his hands. “I thought you were nice. You ... seemed so kind ...”
“I am. You just caught me at a complicated time.” sighed Ianto. “Look ... what if ... I give you my number. And in a couple of months you can call me and we’ll see where we stand then?”
“You’ll give me a fake number.” scowled Daniel.
“Pop by the Tourist Office, then.” suggested Ianto, pulling the car over for Daniel to get out.
“Yeah.” said Daniel, sullen. “I ... um ... I had a nice time today. Thanks, Ianto. I’ll ... see you around ...”
Ianto could hear that he was upset, but ignored it. “See ya, Daniel.”
He loitered a couple of seconds, as if waiting to see if Ianto would do anything, then leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He climbed out and slammed the door shut before Ianto could say anything. Ianto watched him wander away before putting the car in gear and driving on, waiting until he was parked in the hub garage before putting his head in his hands and wondering what the hell had happened over the past couple of hours.
It had clearly been a rebound shag, just with him taking far more advantage than he’d thought he’d ever allow himself. Deciding he couldn’t change things now, and he’d probably find some way to take the quell the guilt later, he climbed out of his car and walked over the SUV. Jack was already sat in the drivers’ seat, itching to go.
“Took your time.” he commented. “Big lunch?”
“I met up with a friend.” Ianto replied neutrally, closing the passenger-side door.
“Are you alright?” Jack asked, concerned, as they pulled out of the garage and headed towards the roads, picking up speed.
“Fine, fine.” Ianto said quietly. “Just ... not myself.”
Jack didn’t reply, leaving Ianto to his thoughts. Ianto could almost hear Jack’s own thought patterns, thinking about the situation, how he could make things swing his way and what could he do to make Ianto see him like he used to. For the first time in a long while, Ianto didn’t want to be left to his thoughts. He wanted to be distracted. That’s how it started with Jack, wasn’t it? A distraction? A distraction from his grief, and now he was craving a distraction from his guilt.
He could use Jack. Jack deserved to be used. Daniel hadn’t deserved it, but Ianto had done it anyway. Perhaps he wanted to force on someone else that feeling of being used and thrown aside? Why not put that on Jack?
Ianto mentally shook himself. He wasn’t normally vengeful, but Jack had torn a nerve, and he kept jumping and jumping on it, with his puppy eyes and his flirty grins and twinkling eyes. One more thing would push me over that edge ... thought Ianto.
“You’re staring.”
Ianto blinked. “What?”
“You’re staring at me.” smiled Jack, keeping one eye on the road and smiling at him.
“You just happened to be where I was looking.” retorted Ianto, turning to watch the world zip past his window as they made their way to wherever Jack was taking them. Ianto instinctively clung to the door and his seat as Jack swung the car sharply.
“There he is!” grinned the Captain. “Let’s see if we can corner him.”
Five minutes later they were on foot, slowly making their way down a secluded alley towards the crouched Weevil as it made itself ready to spring. Jack was a couple of steps ahead, making it more likely for the creature to spring for him first and Ianto to spray and cuff it.
“C’mon, big guy. You gotta go down quietly, okay?” he was telling it, speaking low and soothing.
“I think she might be female ...” Ianto whispered.
“How can ya tell?” Jack asked over his shoulder.
“The nest is a clue.”
Jack glanced to the Weevil’s right and saw a nest of tiny Weevils all pawing at the rubbish and debris around them.
“Could be a stay at home dad,” suggested Jack. “because if she’s a girl ... she’s one big momma ...”
Indeed, she was a good head taller than Jack. Ianto could tell even though she was crouched ready to spring.
“Her primal protective instincts will be on the rampage.” hissed Ianto, trying to pull Jack back. “We need to be careful! Maybe back away a bit ...”
The growl in the Weevil’s throat changed pitch, going a little higher, then wavering down low again. Ianto frowned at her, and realised she was now looking past them. Slowly, he and Jack turned their heads.
“Christ ... on ... a ... breadstick ...” breathed Ianto, tightening his grip on his Weevil spray while reaching for his gun with his other hand.
“Yah ... the first one was the female.” agreed Jack, staring at the giant Weevil that had sneaked up behind them, wondering how he hadn’t felt the earth tremor with each of its footfalls. Ianto yelled out as the female launched herself at him, ducking to the side and letting her tumble into the wall. The male went for Jack, snarling and spitting and drooling, clawing his way into Jack’s flesh.
Ianto heard his shout of agony, and bit back a yelp when he saw the teeth of the male sink deep into Jack’s shoulder. He took a deep breath on concentrated on the subdued female, putting the bag over her head and using the ties on her wrists. He didn’t need her coming round and making things more difficult when he tried to help Jack.
The spray didn’t seem to be working on the male, and just served to make him more irate. Jack really didn’t want to shoot him, but as blood wept copiously from his shoulder and his aerosol began to sputter out, he was fast realising killing him was probably the only option. He took too long considering the decision, and the Weevil took a swipe at his chest with its claw, ripping the flesh and puncturing a lung. Too pained and shocked, Jack stumbled backwards, the Weevil’s teeth on his neck tearing his throat.
Ianto froze, realising Jack was dead whether he intervened now or not. He had to take advantage of the distraction, rather than stand there and be distracted himself. The spray didn’t work, so he tossed it aside, narrowly avoiding hitting one of the tiny Weevils in the nest. There were bins and bin bags in the alleyway, and Ianto cast around searching for some form of weapon, trying to remain quiet. Hopefully the male would assume he was the wife’s lunch already and not think to look for him just yet.
There was a metal pole - possibly the rail from a shower curtain - poking out from behind one of the huge metal bins, and Ianto grabbed it and yanked hard. It made a high-pitched squeal as it scraped the bin and came free, bringing the Weevil’s attention back to Ianto and causing the female to stir. Shit, shit, shit shit shitshitshitshit ... raced through Ianto's mind as he tightened his grip on the curtain rail.
Jack’s blood was smeared around its mouth, spraying as it panted and growled at Ianto.
“Okay ...” Ianto told it. Don’t start your Rambling At the Enemy Thing again an annoyed itch in his head groaned. “Um ... right ... you’re ... you’re pretty big aren’t you? Alpha male? What will we call you, d’you wonder? It’ll have to be Welsh. Everything in Torchwood is Welsh - even the damn bird is called Myfanwy ... though that’s more Jack being too big a fan of Little Britain ... no that you’d know anything about ‘little’. Apart from your babies maybe ...”
He was sure the Weevil was frowning at him, wondering why he was talking and brandishing his metal pole. Clearly it was bored, however, and Ianto saw the slight recoil in its legs before it launched itself forward at him. He swung his pole like a Rounders bat, hitting the Weevil right in the face and causing it to howl. Again it seemed to be simply angrier rather than subdued.
“We really, really don’t like killing Weevils.” Ianto groaned, spotting his gun lying on the floor from when the female had pounced on him, realising, as Jack had done, that this guy was only going down if they killed it. “Fetch!” he commanded, throwing the pole over the growling and confused Weevil’s head. The Weevil took its eyes from Ianto for a second to watch it’s progress, and when it returned its gaze took a bullet in its forehead. Two more rounds were fired, gun right against the thick skull to make sure they got to the brain. “I don’t like killing things in general.” whispered Ianto regretfully.
Taking a deep breath, he turned to where Jack lay in a pile of brick chippings and plaster. He dropped to his knees beside him, clinically assessing the damage, calculating how long it may take for him to come back. He stared at the chunks of flesh that had been torn away from arms and legs and torso, the blood pooling on the floor around the body. The moving body. The breathing body.
Jack was still alive.
Ianto gasped and lifted him, cradling him a little, taking care of him. “Jack?” he called.
Jack almost whimpered, clearly in too much agony to even think. He prised his eyes open, and unfocussed tried to find who was calling his name.
“Shh shhhhh I’ve got you.” Ianto assured him. “I’ve got you.” He touched Jack’s bloodstained cheek, and the Captain hissed in pain. There were claw marks gouged into his face, and all the sensitive skin was tender. Ianto realised he was probably hurting Jack by holding him, but he wasn’t about to leave him alone. Abandonment wasn’t his thing, he’d decided.
He shifted his weight to sit on the floor a pins and needles began to form in his calves, and Jack groaned loudly, tears leaking from his eyes. “Sorry ...” whispered Ianto, kissing his forehead. The kiss elicited another groan, and Ianto apologised again.
“Hurts ...” Jack whimpered pathetically.
“I’m sorry.”
“S’alright.”
“Is there anywhere that doesn’t?” Ianto asked, not meaning to out loud. He was staring at the wounds.
“Doesn’t ... w-w-what?” managed Jack.
“Hurt.” Ianto replied quietly.
With great effort, Jack lifted his hand, two fingers missing and pointed at his lips. “Here.”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “You’re a bad man, Captain Harkness.” he chastised.
“I know.” Jack whispered earnestly, his voice hoarse.
Ianto felt tears prickle, and leant forward, pressing a lingering kiss to Jack’s lips.
“Better?” he asked.
“You’ve no idea.” smiled Jack.
He died.
Ianto clicked on the stopwatch and waited patiently, not sure why he was timing it, it now only just occurring to him that he’d have to get the blood out of Jack’s coat and his suit eventually. He’d have to sew up the coat, too. Jack didn’t like sending it away to be mended. He preferred Ianto to do it, because he put as much care into it as he did precision.
Ianto wondered how long it took Jack to come back usually. When Owen had shot him it had been about ... fifteen minutes?
The wounds squelched as they pulled themselves closed and teeth marks began to fade into new, unmarred flesh. Ianto loosened his grip in case Jack began to panic at being restrained when he came back, and Ianto flicked his eyes to the stopwatch again. Twenty-seven minutes, he shivered.
He wondered if it was just him wishing so hard for Jack to be back now, or if he could actually feel a strange energy fizzling around them both, like carbonated bubbles in a soft drink. It seemed to tingle under Ianto's fingers, and it made him feel better than he had in months. Optimism and energy were reborn inside him, and it suddenly seemed like anything was possible, and anything he wanted to do he could.
Jack gasped and shuddered and lurched violently, and Ianto didn’t try and stop him, unsure what to do. A hand curled into the lapel of his suit jacket, clinging as Jack remembered himself, catching his breath. The energy Ianto had felt around him had dissipated, and a strong feeling of life is all there is was taking hold.
Jack could come back.
He’d seen it twice.
Jack would come back while everybody else perished away, so what was Ianto doing wasting his life on Torchwood? He could be out there, living out his youthful years, having a good time, meeting new people, not caring about the world for a short while rather than cooped up underground thinking about how fun filing was. The energy that had tingled before Jack’s resurrection had sent him on a high of life, and the come-down was worse than he could imagine. He simply found it easier not to care anymore.
If he didn’t care, there was nothing to feel guilty about. Not Lisa, not Daniel, not Rhiannon and Johnny and David and Mica.
“Alright?” Jack asked him, frowning, touching his face as he lay in his arms.
“We ... we need to get the Weevils back to the Hub.” he croaked, helping Jack to his feet. He pretended that Jack’s stumble into him was genuine and ‘helped’ him regain his balance. The dead male went in first, curled in on itself, foetal in the boot. Next the female went in, after Ianto sprayed and anaesthetised her again, just in case. They put the babies in a damp cardboard box, tiny little things that could have sat on Ianto's palm. They keened and wailed, snapping their toothless jaws and trying to get to his fingers. Ianto kept the box on his lap for the journey back, feeding them bits of two-day-old sandwich from the glove box.
“What should we name them?” Jack asked.
“Naming the animals is your job.” Ianto intoned.
“You don’t want a turn? We’ve got four babies, and I can never tell whether Weevils are boys or girls.”
Ianto watched the strange little things - were they growing boiler suits? - and looked carefully for the tiny, discreet signs that defined sex. “Three boys and a girl.” he decided. “Luke, Leia, Xena and Barbarella.”
Jack sniggered. “Nerd.”
Ianto laughed to himself. “What about mammy?”
“Hmmm ...” Jack thought. “What’s the girl called in Logan’s Run?”
“Jessica 6?”
“Oh no. That was a test, Ianto ...”
“Test?”
“The Geek Test. If you know the name of the girl from Logan’s Run ...”
Ianto scowled at him.
“It was a joke, Ianto.” Jack sighed.
“I’m not a geek, or a nerd. I just like what I like, okay?”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “Ohhkay ...”
It was getting darker, the street lamps flickering on and the headlights glowing orange on all the oncoming cars. Ianto tilted his head back and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” he said quietly.
“What for?” Jack asked, sounding a little snappish, annoyed that Ianto was still moody.
“You died.” Ianto was barely audible when he said it, but Jack knew what he meant.
“At least I wasn’t alone.” Jack replied, knuckles whiting on the steering wheel.
Ianto felt the overwhelming urge not to care again, then thought of Owen and the way ... the way he saw Owen sometimes. Ianto didn’t want to get shot by a teammate and have everyone snigger like it was a joke. That’s what happened with Owen - it was Ianto's fault. And he’d enjoyed shooting Owen. Owen cared too much once, and when he stopped and turned in on himself, like Ianto was starting to do now, he became much harder to like. Did Ianto want to end up like that? People secretly saying he deserved to get shot?
Then again, if he didn’t care, it didn’t matter.
The garage was approaching, and the little Weevils were doing Weevil-yawns and curling around each other, getting comfortable. Ianto touched Barbarella’s head hesitantly, marvelling at how soft and smooth her skin was, and now her skull seemed to depress with the pressure. The bones must harden as they get older, he realised. Like with human children, only they started much softer and wound up much, much harder.
“You never picked a name for the mommy.” Jack reminded him as he put the handbrake on and switched off the engine.
“Naming the animals is your job.” Ianto repeated.
“I like ‘Rhiannon’.” pondered Jack.
“Rhiannon is my sister’s name!” Ianto snapped.
“Well ... unless you think of something better ...?”
Ianto looked him straight in the eye. “How about ... Rose?”
Jack’s face turned hard.
“Objection?” Ianto asked innocently.
They stared each other down, sat in the front of the SUV, determined that they would not be the first to look away. Carefully, Ianto changed his breathing, drawing in slightly deeper breaths, parting his lips ever such a little. He let his eyes slide down to Jack’s lips, then back upwards again, leaning slightly closer.
Jack practically pounced on him, disturbing the baby Weevils as Ianto tried to turn and get more comfortable, nearly choking on Jack’s tongue. Their kiss was angry and hurtful, biting and suffocating. Jack pulled Ianto's hair too hard, and Ianto's nails scraped his neck to draw blood and both of them gasped into each others’ mouths as they fought.
Ianto pulled back just in time to stop the box on his knee falling off and hurting the babies, and he gathered it up and climbed out of the car without a word. Blood trickled from the corner of Jack’s mouth where Ianto had bitten too hard, and he wiped it away with a slight wince before following him. He opened the boot and extracted the female Weevil and she dazedly staggered with him to the cells. Ianto followed a couple of steps behind, seemingly subdued, carrying the babies as they slept again.
Jack left the Weevil in the cell, and stepped aside so that Ianto could get in with the infants. They didn’t look at each other, but Ianto very purposefully made sure their bodies touched. He crouched and put the box down gently next to the mother, and got up in time to see the door slide shut behind him.
“What the fuck?” he had to stop himself from yelling, staring at Jack from behind the glass.
“Now, we have to talk,” Jack said seriously. “and quickly, because she’s waking up.” He nodded at the adult Weevil.
“Where were you?” Ianto asked him instantly. “HA!” he sneered when Jack refused to answer, hands pressed onto the glass. “So we talk about what you want?”
Jack glanced away, folding his arms defensively. “I want to talk about your behaviour today.” he said.
“Behaviour?” frowned Ianto.
“Skiving off. Unusual for you, Ianto.”
“You don’t know me well enough to tell me what is or is not ‘usual’.” snapped Ianto. “And I told you: I met up with a friend.”
“... and? Meet up with friends on your own hours.”
“I don’t have any ‘own hours’. And I wanted to get away from you!” he hissed. Jack looked hurt, but Ianto didn’t care. “Where were you?” he asked again, firmer. No answer. “Jack!” he ordered. He hammered his fists on the glass. “Tell. Me. Where. You. Were!”
Jack stared at him like he’d never seen him before. He knew Ianto could be passionate, and angry, but ... he never lost it like this. Pounding the glass in time with his words, gritting his teeth. Even then he was holding back.
“I was with the Doctor.”
Ianto nearly screamed with frustration. “I know that bit! I’ve known since five minutes after we realised you’d gone! I watched that footage hundreds of times: you, running to that box with that smile on your face, not giving a shit about us! Not giving a damn about what you were leaving behind because you didn’t even think you were coming back! Have you any idea - any idea - how hard it was to find meaning again? To find structure? To find out how little we actually meant? We went through some tough shit because you left, and you come back without any form of real apology, without enough respect for any of us to even tell me where you’d been! What was I to you, Jack?”
He gazed out at Jack from behind the glass, searching his face, secretly terrified of the answer. Jack maintained his silence.
“Jack?” Ianto implored, his voice barely above a whisper. “This is it, Jack. The point of no return. If you don’t answer me now, and tell me where you’ve been, then it’s impossible for anything to happen between us. Ever. And I’ll resign. Because I don’t want to remember what an idiot I was to care for you.”
Without looking away Jack pressed the button to open the cell door. It hissed and swung back, and Ianto strode through it, stepping close to the Captain, putting his hands on his shoulders, sliding them to his neck. “What happened to you?” he murmured. “At least give me that? What happened that changed you?”
Jack closed his eyes, resting his hands on Ianto's waist. “We should go someplace else.”
Ianto nodded. “Okay. Where?”
“Away from the Hub. I don’t want to relive these memories here.”
“Public or private?” Ianto asked.
“Private. Preferably. Please.”
“Okay.”
Ianto took his hand, and lead him up to the main hub, through to the garage and over to his own car.
~*~*~*~
Okay ...
Ianto felt funny. His head was a bit fuzzy ... like he’d been drinking ...
There had been ... oh! The kid! Whatsisname ... Daniel! They went for lunch. The slept together, and Ianto felt awful about it.
What then?
Jack being a dick. Really fed up of Jack’s shit. Wanting to get back at him.
What happened next?
Ah yeah.
Weevils. Huge motherfucking Weevils.
Ianto sat up, his head aching and his mouth dry. Had he been drinking? He scowled at his alarm clock, showing the time to be nine thirty in the morning, but it was supposed to go off at six. Groaning, he managed to drag himself out of bed - literally, he leaned over the side of the bed and pulled himself off it with his hands, thus maximising his time under the covers - to find his phone.
He frowned when he spotted his clothes from the night before thrown over the back of the dressing chair rather than hung up appropriately or in the washing basket. His phone was still in his trouser pocket, and he took it out and called Jack.
“Hey, Ianto.”
“Jack ... why am I late?”
“Weevil attack: you took a blow to the head. You weren’t concussed but you agreed to the day off just in case.”
“Oh. Okay. I ... I don’t remember.”
“Do you want me to come round?”
“Erm ... yeah. Actually ... yeah I think you should ... I’m ... disorientated ...” mumbled Ianto. Then he frowned. “Did you undress me?”
“No, you wouldn’t let me. You did say you’d leave your clothes out in case we needed to test the Weevil DNA and see if they had a transferable-”
Ianto's battery died, cutting Jack off mid-conversation. He hurriedly found his charger, shoving the jack into the slot and turning it back on, bouncing with impatience - Ianto never hung up on anyone unless he had to. Finally his wallpaper and service status were back to normal, and he called Jack again.
“Hey. You okay? What happened?”
“My battery died ... must’ve ... forgotten to charge it last night ...”
“Ahh okay. I’m just getting in the SUV now. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Okay, bye bye.”
“Byee.”
Ianto put the phone on his bedside table while it charged, then hesitated when he felt something - déjà vu? - stirring at the back of his mind.
Stood here, reaching for the condoms in the drawer, Jack sprawled across the bed. He’s telling you he loves you, he’s so, so, so sorry he left, insisting you have one more drink ...
Ianto snapped out of it and blinked, rooted to the spot. He’d had déjà vu like this before ... after the Brecon Beacons ... Jack had done it to protect him that time. This time ... what was it this time? Personal reasons? Abuse? Ianto's breath sharpened, and he kicked himself. Jack had no reason to retcon him - and if he had retconned him, he had only erased the night before. And there was no way Ianto would have had sex with Jack.
Biting his lip, he decided to check anyway. Opening the drawer, he found the box of condoms and counted them, slamming the box back in the drawer and shoving it violently closed. He put his hand to his mouth, stepping back, dropping down onto the bed. One missing. Anger seethed through him, and he practically shook with it, then suddenly let it dissipate with a single thought: perhaps he had retconned himself?
He had been stupid. He was pumped full of adrenalin, needing a comedown after the hunt. He had had sex with Jack, regretted it and tried to wipe it from his mind. Then again, he thought, glancing around. He’d have been more careful with his clothes, even if he was leaving them out for testing or sampling or whatever. Relaxing, he closed his eyes and concentrated a little on the dregs of memory he could find, of what he could see.
Jack was offering him a whiskey glass.
The image came back, strong, and Ianto knew he had not retconned himself. With a deep breath he tried to call forth more, but it all seemed reluctant to surface. He decided to leave it a while, getting up and wondering what the hell he was supposed to say to Jack.
The anger came back, and his epiphany from the night before became clear again through the haze: just stop caring, and it won’t hurt. Use Jack. Jack deserved to be used, and to be hurt like he’d hurt Tosh and Owen and Gwen and - especially - like he’d hurt Ianto.
Ianto smirked to himself. And Jack would be more than willing to let me use him ....
And Ianto knew he’d enjoy it.
He swore to himself he wasn’t going back on the decision now, and quickly began the preliminary plans for Operation Ianto’s Not a Doormat in his head.
Pacing, he couldn’t help but smile a little wickedly to himself, then hesitated when he felt something strange by his foot. He bent down, and picked up the foil condom packet, unopened. He sighed, suddenly feeling really guilty. With an exasperated sound, he sat on the floor and hugged his knees, the condom packet still in his fingers, regretting his rather cruel intentions.
And through not thinking about it, more of last night came back:
“Jack?” Ianto implored, his voice barely above a whisper. “This is it, Jack. The point of no return. If you don’t answer me now, and tell me where you’ve been, then it’s impossible for anything to happen between us. Ever. And I’ll resign. Because I don’t want to remember what an idiot I was to care for you.”
Without looking away Jack pressed the button to open the cell door. It hissed and swung back, and Ianto strode through it, stepping close to the Captain, putting his hands on his shoulders, sliding them to his neck. “What happened to you?” he murmured. “At least give me that? What happened that changed you?”
Jack closed his eyes, resting his hands on Ianto's waist. “We should go someplace else.”
Ianto nodded. “Okay. Where?”
His flat. Ianto had brought him back to his flat.
Jack had asked for a strong drink, and spoken about ... it seems like nonsense now. A beach, and an invasion. London, 1941, and a child that had been mutated because of him. He was fixed ecventually ... but the guilt is still there. And then there was Blaidd Drwg, and aliens. An earthquake. A race called the Daleks who had killed him first.
Ianto had hugged him and held him, and felt bad for how he’d treated him. He’d taken him to the bedroom, made him lie down, kissed him. And it felt so good ...
“That’s where you were? That’s what happened?” he whispered, taking his second drab of whiskey from Jack’s offering hand.
“No, Ianto. I can’t ... I can’t tell you where I was ...”
He felt his stomach drop with the anger again, the exasperation.
The disrespect.
“What was all that you just told me then?” he shouted.
“I told you that to keep you going ... until you drank ...” His eyes indicated the recently emptied tumbler.
“Retcon? You’ve retconned me to forget ... you bastard!”
There was a knock on the door, disrupting Ianto's reverie, and he had lost any feeling of remorse he had previously harboured. He stood, and crossed the living room to the front door. Jack was stood outside, looking politely concerned, not even a shift in his movement as he regarded Ianto closely.
“You came.” Ianto stated, as if he was surprised. Jack frowned at him as he moved aside to allow him entrance. “Shall I take your coat?”
He stepped up behind him and slid it from his shoulders in their well-practiced move. Hanging it up, he gave Jack’s boots a pointed glance, and shortly the two thuds of them being removed and placed neatly under the coat followed.
Ianto sat patiently while Jack checked him over, shining a light into his eyes and asking how he felt. Ianto realised it stood to reason that Jack would have some pretty good knowledge of the human body - if not medical knowledge - considering how long he must have been around by now. Ianto assumed he grew up in the thirties and forties, given his choice of wardrobe, but hadn’t had the chance to ask.
“You seem okay, and your eyes are focussing properly.” Jack informed him.
“Not quite as dizzy anymore, either.” Ianto replied. “Maybe it was just ... waking up.”
“Mmm.” agreed Jack.
They sat awkwardly a few moments, neither of them looking at each other. Ianto glanced down at his watch. Quarter to ten.
He went to speak, and ended up colliding with Jack’s words as they both tried to ask each other a question at the same moment. They laughed and smiled awkwardly, and Jack insisted that Ianto went first.
“I was wondering if you wanted to ... um ... go for breakfast somewhere?”
“Will you be ready before they stop serving breakfast?” asked Jack, a soft smile tugging his lips.
“Fair point.” conceded Ianto. “Brunch, then?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Good. Right.”
“So ... what do we do in the mean time?” asked Jack, relaxing back into the couch. Ianto had a fairly certain idea of what he was suggesting. He tried to relax, too, conscious of the fact he was still in his night clothes, but kept his face blank.
“Try harder.” he replied, and Jack sighed.
“Worth a shot.”
“You call that a shot?” Ianto asked, eyebrow raised. “You hardly even put effort into it.”
“If I had, would it have made a difference?”
Ianto closed his mouth and glanced away, and Jack sat bolt upright.
“It would?” he asked. “It would, wouldn’t it!”
Ianto folded his arms. “I didn’t say that.”
“You said it with your mind.” sang Jack.
Smiling, Ianto batted his arm playfully. “I need a shower.”
“I’ll be in charge of the taps!” Jack started tugging at his braces.
“No. You’ll be in charge of guarding the SUV until I come down.” replied Ianto, pushing his braces back into place, then hesitating, almost as if he was reconsidering. He withdrew his hand with a sigh, and got up to fetch Jack’s coat. “C’mon ...”
“But you ... awww okay.” Jack conceded. “Don’t take too long.”
“Shower, dried, dressed. I promise I’ll be twenty minutes.”
“Okay ... oh! Ianto!” Jack hesitated in the doorway, his second boot halfway on. “Does this count as a date?”
“I’m semi-concussed or whatever. I’ve no idea what I’m doing.”
Jack grinned. “That’s ‘yes’ enough for me!” he chirruped, bounding away down the corridor. Ianto shut the door and leant on it, then realised Jack had actually managed to forgethis coat. He rolled his eyes, then reconsidered shouting down the corridor. Jack would have noticed he’d forgotten it by now and would probably be expecting Ianto to bring it down to him later.
Ianto itched and fought with himself, then gave in. Running his hands over the thick wool, he gently lifted it and buried his nose in the collar, the comforting scent of Jack swimming through his senses.
He remembered the last time he did this, stood in Jack’s office, believing he was never going to come back and wondering what was going to happen to the team - and to him. Without Jack, there was no one left to fight his corner. What if Owen had taken over? He was still bitter about Lisa, and on top of that Ianto had shot him. Toshiko was helplessly in love with him and Gwen wouldn’t go against him, either.
Ianto put the coat back and laughed at himself for his previously doubtful attitude to Owen. Owen had pulled through for him during the worst of times, taking him to the pub to get away from memories of Jack, listening to him when he needed to talk and just ... Owen had been there for him. They set aside their differences and got to know each other a bit.
Maybe Owen had realised that having the guy with all the access codes and working knowledge of the coffee machine on side was a good idea. Perhaps he hadn’t realised until just prior to the Ianto Shot Owen incident just how much Jack had trusted Ianto, and how much Ianto knew about the hub. Sure, he’d openly shown he knew a lot, having spent a lot of time rummaging through the Archives, but the password to Jack’s safe ... that was almost intimate knowledge.
With a sigh he pushed off from the door and wandered into the bathroom, turning on the shower and getting undressed. He decided not to dwell on the change that had occurred within him over the last twenty-four hours, feeling the hot spray stinging his skin until it was red and his fingers wrinkled. He was trying to work out if he was playing Jack again. He’d sort of decided he would, but the way Jack just seemed to light up ...
“Stop thinking about Jack”
Ianto jumped, and turned off the shower, staring around. A voice ... that familiar voice ... it had rung so clear but it couldn’t have been ...
He stepped out of his shower and pulled a towel around his middle. With a sharp inward breath, he pulled open the bathroom door. “Hello?” he called.
Silence.
Ianto searched his entire flat from top to bottom, his gun clutched tightly in his hand but his finger away from the trigger. He really did hate shooting things.
Killing things ...
“We really, really don’t like killing Weevils.” Ianto groaned, spotting his gun lying on the floor from when the female had pounced on him, realising, as Jack had done, that this guy was only going down if they killed it. “Fetch!” he commanded, throwing the pole over the growling and confused Weevil’s head. The Weevil took its eyes from Ianto for a second to watch it’s progress, and when it returned its gaze took a bullet in its forehead. Two more rounds were fired, gun right against the thick skull to make sure they got to the brain. “I don’t like killing things in general.” whispered Ianto regretfully.
“That’s what he did to you ....”
Ianto spun, aiming the gun blindly.
“... he tried to make you forget ....”
“Who’s there?” Ianto asked, the voice sounding like it was right by his ear but he couldn’t see anything. “What do you want? Why ... why are you using ... why are you using my father’s voice?” he weakly asked the silence.
“You need me, son.”
“Are you ... are you a ... a ghost?” he stammered, still holding his gun up, turning and searching for the source of the voice.
“No. I’m not even that.”
“What are you?”
“I’m in your head. Stop lying to yourself, Ianto.”
Ianto lowered the gun. “I thought so.” he muttered. “What do you want?”
“What do you want is the question we should be asking. And what you want is that last little push before everything changes.”
“Push?”
“Jack Harkness.”
“What about him?”
“All these thoughts running through your mind, dormant since Lisa, awakened since his return. You need to grow a spine, Ianto.”
“Hey! I do have a spine! I ... I have my own ideas! If I disagree I let him know!”
“Not in that sense. I mean ... he’s walked all over you. All. Over. You. And you let him.”
Ianto sank into the couch, head in his hands. “It wasn’t like that. And ... I don’t think he meant to ... I don’t think he meant to treat me so badly. All these thoughts ... they were a knee-jerk reaction to him coming back so unexpectedly.”
“... coming back so unexpectedly ... yet expecting you to simply forgive him and fall back into his arms? I taught you better than that, didn’t I?”
Ianto resolutely refused to call the voice ‘Dad’, knowing that he was simply going insane.
damaged_silver index/masterlist