maybe i dont need saving after all...
so heres a bipolar moment.
maybe i dont care for you like i said in my last post.
i think i just like the IDEA of you. it all makes sense.
im super lonely. and i want someone to kiss. and cuddle.
and your really nice. and wonderful. thats a definite.
BUT.
it wouldnt last. again.
i mean we'd have this summer, next year, and next summer.
and then as in all good things, it would have to end.
im going to college without any ties. well. with very few.
"i am.
held together by clothes pins."
"i was holding you so tight and you were holding me.
....and the first few weeks were just like heaven,
but we never did get that high."
id like to just point out that matt nathanson is god. thats really all there is to it.
and im gunna learn to play guitar again.
i need something like that.
i need to feel like i have purpose. and feel like im making something beautiful.
im so sick of being a waste of air and space.
"i guess insecurities catch up to you when you're lying to yourself.."
theres not a lot worse than loneliness.
and im feel it when im around other people.
no one really listens to me. i mean i understand why
i really just complain ALL THE TIME.
but sometimes i just need to be told it will be ok.
like rachael today in chemistry.
that girl just makes me feel about 2134749804.6986 times better.
its people like that who seem to genuinely care that make me feel good.
so thanks rach.
"im ready to erase this. i am
im ready to begin.
spent myself trying to change all the beauty we made just to want it all back again."
good news.
i cleaned my room. for once.
but i kept finding random crap.
like pictures of peopl who arent in my life anymore.
and notes from bitter boys.
and my replies that i was too nice to send.
and notes from freshman and sophmore year.
and some that make me want to cry.
and some that made me laugh my ass off.
and then cry a bit, missing how things were.
and then some that made me want to kill stupid girls who confessed their stupid worthless shit to me.
great,
now i have more things to hide from him.
fuck.
"and its amazing,
the look in your eyes.
like you could save me,
but you wont even try.
and then you tell me
again
how everything will be alright.
and if i told you that im sorry.
would you tell me
you were wrong?
would you hold me down forever
if i came to you for answers?
i saw
pictures in my head,
& i swear
i saw you opening up again.
cuz i would bea heavenly if baby you just rescue me now..."
how can one person put such beautiful thoughts down?
ugh.
fin.
maybe i dont care for you like i said in my last post.
i think i just like the IDEA of you. it all makes sense.
im super lonely. and i want someone to kiss. and cuddle.
and your really nice. and wonderful. thats a definite.
BUT.
it wouldnt last. again.
i mean we'd have this summer, next year, and next summer.
and then as in all good things, it would have to end.
im going to college without any ties. well. with very few.
"i am.
held together by clothes pins."
"i was holding you so tight and you were holding me.
....and the first few weeks were just like heaven,
but we never did get that high."
id like to just point out that matt nathanson is god. thats really all there is to it.
and im gunna learn to play guitar again.
i need something like that.
i need to feel like i have purpose. and feel like im making something beautiful.
im so sick of being a waste of air and space.
"i guess insecurities catch up to you when you're lying to yourself.."
theres not a lot worse than loneliness.
and im feel it when im around other people.
no one really listens to me. i mean i understand why
i really just complain ALL THE TIME.
but sometimes i just need to be told it will be ok.
like rachael today in chemistry.
that girl just makes me feel about 2134749804.6986 times better.
its people like that who seem to genuinely care that make me feel good.
so thanks rach.
"im ready to erase this. i am
im ready to begin.
spent myself trying to change all the beauty we made just to want it all back again."
good news.
i cleaned my room. for once.
but i kept finding random crap.
like pictures of peopl who arent in my life anymore.
and notes from bitter boys.
and my replies that i was too nice to send.
and notes from freshman and sophmore year.
and some that make me want to cry.
and some that made me laugh my ass off.
and then cry a bit, missing how things were.
and then some that made me want to kill stupid girls who confessed their stupid worthless shit to me.
great,
now i have more things to hide from him.
fuck.
"and its amazing,
the look in your eyes.
like you could save me,
but you wont even try.
and then you tell me
again
how everything will be alright.
and if i told you that im sorry.
would you tell me
you were wrong?
would you hold me down forever
if i came to you for answers?
i saw
pictures in my head,
& i swear
i saw you opening up again.
cuz i would bea heavenly if baby you just rescue me now..."
how can one person put such beautiful thoughts down?
ugh.
fin.