HangOver Ratings
One Star Hangover (*)
> > No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
> > relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas
> and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
> > Two Star Hangover (**)
> > No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging
> > is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around
> > the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is
> > some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
> > Three Star Hangover (***)
> > Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
> > productive. Anytime a guy/girl walks by you gag because his/her
> > cologne/perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your
> > alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now
> > if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups
> > of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you
> > haven't peed once.
> > Four Star Hangover (****)
> > Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
> > else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
> > late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
> > clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of
> > your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
> > while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein,
> > and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and
> > the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to
> > the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
> > Five Star Hangover, (*****)
> > You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
> > the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of
> > every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in
> > the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to
> > get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability
> > to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have
> > the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed
> > this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like
> > discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in.
> > The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet
> > water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
> > THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK
> > * Indubitably
> > * Innovative
> > * Preliminary
> > * Proliferation
> > * Cinnamon
> > THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> > * Specificity
> > * British Constitution
> > * Passive-aggressive disorder
> > * Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> >
> > * Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
> > * Nope, no more booze for me
> > * Sorry, but you're not really my type
> > * Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
> > * Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
> > No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
> > relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas
> and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
> > Two Star Hangover (**)
> > No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging
> > is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around
> > the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is
> > some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
> > Three Star Hangover (***)
> > Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
> > productive. Anytime a guy/girl walks by you gag because his/her
> > cologne/perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your
> > alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now
> > if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups
> > of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you
> > haven't peed once.
> > Four Star Hangover (****)
> > Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
> > else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
> > late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
> > clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of
> > your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
> > while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein,
> > and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and
> > the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to
> > the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
> > Five Star Hangover, (*****)
> > You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
> > the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of
> > every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in
> > the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to
> > get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability
> > to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have
> > the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed
> > this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like
> > discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in.
> > The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet
> > water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
> > THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK
> > * Indubitably
> > * Innovative
> > * Preliminary
> > * Proliferation
> > * Cinnamon
> > THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> > * Specificity
> > * British Constitution
> > * Passive-aggressive disorder
> > * Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> >
> > * Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
> > * Nope, no more booze for me
> > * Sorry, but you're not really my type
> > * Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
> > * Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing