20130512
Yesterday was somewhat sobering. I'm not sure why I became bothered by something I knew about, but when someone actually brings it up and verifies it. Kind of still shakes you.
I don't have any real friends I can rely on. There is one but even now she has a lot on her mind and she will be moving on to better things.
I sort of work then come home. I more or less play videogames alone, go to sleep, wake up and repeat the process. It's weird going through this. I'm not entirely a guy people want to have around them, but more of a once in awhile individual. It seems that the more I feel like myself and be more honest about my oddities, people stay further away.
It's the kind of people that make me feel happy and grounded, but... Yeah. I wouldn't blame them. Even I wouldn't want to be around me for too long. I'm a hard individual to be around on part of my emotional instability.
I think I'm just venting at the moment, or stating I'd like to make things better. The world will move as you will it to. I have more or less been taking this to heart to become happier with myself. Though its exhausting in the sense that as I become happier with myself, I feel more lonely. And regretfully human beings are a social animal.
I'm buying a condo in gunbarrell soon. It'll be weird owning a place. I need to paint it and recarpet it. I imagined a fun day of me and my friends with beers, pizza, and music having fun and painting it. But, I don't see in my mind, any friends I'd be doing it with. The friends I have now are more or less just people I know. The worse thing is, as soon as I find out someone wants to know more about me, they immediately pull back and keep distance and...
Fuck it's lonely coming home to nothing and knowing more people are talking negatively behind your back.