TELL ME IT GETS EASIER...
I woke up this morning with fragments of rose petals on me...I fell asleep with the box again...another night remenecing.
I duno why but I woke up and I was like ¨I´m dating someone alot older than me...and I´m really unhappy.¨ as if I just found out for the first time...as if I was unaware...as if I didn´t get the memo. Why is it most of the time I´m walking arond in like a state of sleep with my emotions unaware of my feelings...maibe I just lie to myself for a while and then it comes a time where I can't take it anymore.
I feel I wana break up with him but I keep on dragging it on b/c if I do I'll lose one of my oldest and dearest friends...why did I have to date him? I hate myself at times...
Things like this make me really grateful for guys like Dailin and Michael...because I would never date them and obviously it goes both ways...and I can't fuck things up.. I can just keep them as my friends...its just a nice friendship and that makes me really happy to be able to have faith in some men...I know good guys are scarce but I have been lucky enough to run into some...and it makes me REALLY...happy that my bestest is dating one of them b/c she really really really really deserves to be happy and she has a guy that will do anything in his power to do so and that really rocks.
It seems like when I was manufactured I was made in a rush...I'm just so flawed..I think humans are only suposed to be able to be in love with one person at one time but I fell in love with two...I just didn't realize who I was meant to be with soon enough...it just made sence...everyone knew it but me...gosh I'm such an idiot..and I can never talk about it cause I feel stupid! aaah!
This is my last year of my teenage life...hopefully it gets easier...
I duno why but I woke up and I was like ¨I´m dating someone alot older than me...and I´m really unhappy.¨ as if I just found out for the first time...as if I was unaware...as if I didn´t get the memo. Why is it most of the time I´m walking arond in like a state of sleep with my emotions unaware of my feelings...maibe I just lie to myself for a while and then it comes a time where I can't take it anymore.
I feel I wana break up with him but I keep on dragging it on b/c if I do I'll lose one of my oldest and dearest friends...why did I have to date him? I hate myself at times...
Things like this make me really grateful for guys like Dailin and Michael...because I would never date them and obviously it goes both ways...and I can't fuck things up.. I can just keep them as my friends...its just a nice friendship and that makes me really happy to be able to have faith in some men...I know good guys are scarce but I have been lucky enough to run into some...and it makes me REALLY...happy that my bestest is dating one of them b/c she really really really really deserves to be happy and she has a guy that will do anything in his power to do so and that really rocks.
It seems like when I was manufactured I was made in a rush...I'm just so flawed..I think humans are only suposed to be able to be in love with one person at one time but I fell in love with two...I just didn't realize who I was meant to be with soon enough...it just made sence...everyone knew it but me...gosh I'm such an idiot..and I can never talk about it cause I feel stupid! aaah!
This is my last year of my teenage life...hopefully it gets easier...