usually sometimes
customer - (bubbly and "all-american"in her spendy sports gear and ponytail) hiiii, i want a sandwich.
me - (prickly and foul-tempered, but in a startlingly good mood) ok, what kind if sandwich?
customer - oh gee, i don't know you had this one sandwich i was looking for...
(customer trails off and stares just above my head to the menu, i wait)
customer - i don't know it's like a hummus sandwich.
me - do you want the hummus sandwich? (the hummus sandwich is clearly listed on the menu)
customer - yeah, ok, i'll get the hummus, avocado, sprout and tomato sandwich.
me - would you like soup, green salad, or potato chips with that?
customer - what comes on that?
me - *blank stare*
customer - because... can i get it with gruyere cheese?
me - we don't have gruyere cheese, but i can give you provolone.
customer - (pouty face) oh, on the hummus sandwich you guys usually sometimes put like, some kind of cheese on top of the sandwich (nose wrinkled in a shirley temple kind of way) like... sprinkled on it.
(at this point i'm bursting with the urge to ask, "which is it? 'usually' or 'sometimes'? both at the same time would generate a quandary that might rip the very fabric of existence apart, negate one another into 'always' or 'never' or, well, just be stupid. and while i'm at it, Woman I've Never Seen Before, do you think your attempt to confuse me with your 'usually sometimes' in regards to a menu which i, the person who gets up at 5am everyday to sell stuff from said menu, the all-seeing knower of this be-damned menu backwards and forwards, will somehow, miraculously slap my forehead and exclaim, 'oh yes! we DO put friggin' frackin' gruyere cheese kinda sprinkled on that sandwich! silly me to forget!'?")
me - *blank stare* well, actually, that one wouldn't have cheese, because it's a vegan sandwich, but we can add some if you like.
customer - (shifty, and childlike) can i get it with parmesan?
me - of course.
me - (prickly and foul-tempered, but in a startlingly good mood) ok, what kind if sandwich?
customer - oh gee, i don't know you had this one sandwich i was looking for...
(customer trails off and stares just above my head to the menu, i wait)
customer - i don't know it's like a hummus sandwich.
me - do you want the hummus sandwich? (the hummus sandwich is clearly listed on the menu)
customer - yeah, ok, i'll get the hummus, avocado, sprout and tomato sandwich.
me - would you like soup, green salad, or potato chips with that?
customer - what comes on that?
me - *blank stare*
customer - because... can i get it with gruyere cheese?
me - we don't have gruyere cheese, but i can give you provolone.
customer - (pouty face) oh, on the hummus sandwich you guys usually sometimes put like, some kind of cheese on top of the sandwich (nose wrinkled in a shirley temple kind of way) like... sprinkled on it.
(at this point i'm bursting with the urge to ask, "which is it? 'usually' or 'sometimes'? both at the same time would generate a quandary that might rip the very fabric of existence apart, negate one another into 'always' or 'never' or, well, just be stupid. and while i'm at it, Woman I've Never Seen Before, do you think your attempt to confuse me with your 'usually sometimes' in regards to a menu which i, the person who gets up at 5am everyday to sell stuff from said menu, the all-seeing knower of this be-damned menu backwards and forwards, will somehow, miraculously slap my forehead and exclaim, 'oh yes! we DO put friggin' frackin' gruyere cheese kinda sprinkled on that sandwich! silly me to forget!'?")
me - *blank stare* well, actually, that one wouldn't have cheese, because it's a vegan sandwich, but we can add some if you like.
customer - (shifty, and childlike) can i get it with parmesan?
me - of course.