How to ellude the Montreal Police
Last night Guillaume, the girls, and I decided to do a little pre-mado drinking in the Carré St-Louis parc (a summer tradition). We were having fun....talking....listening to music via Eugenia's Diskman and speakers...and of course, being harassed by the crazies/homeless people/park druggies. Then the stupid fucking fun nazi police came and dumped out all our beer. It was more annoying than anything...since it was already 10:30PM and we only had 30 mins to go by more beer from the dep. On top of that, they had the audacity to try to give us all $141 tickets! I wasn't having any of it.....and I recommend to all of you in the future to use this simple but elegant strategy to get out of paying unjustified police tickets:
First an foremost, claim you have no ID whatsoever. The cops harassed us saying "It's not our problem you don't have your ID, it's yours!".....hmm....let me think about that....I know who I am, where I live, etc. I'm not the one that needs to verify my ID; YOU ARE. So really, I think it IS your problem, not mine!
A. Quebecers know nothing of American pop culture. When choosing a phony name, you want something you can say with confidence....something you'll remember how to spell if you're asked to repeat it....something that rolls off the tongue. I find somewhat obscure celebrity names work quite nicely! (ie. David Sedaris, above).
B. When choosing a fake addy, its really a situational matter. I had already told the police that I didn't have my ID since I lived relatively close; thus, I had to think of an address that was close to the park. Since I actually DO live near by, this wasn't really a problem. I just gave them an address a couple blocks away from where I live.
C. Choosing a fake address that is close to where I live is also convenient since I know the postal code in that area, and can say it without hesitation. In any case, my cop was a young, not-so-bright, blonde girl and she copied it down wrong anyways.
D. For the date of birth, I went with something 2 days off of my regular birthday (april 7th instead of the 5th), and one year off (just for good measure!).
E. The infraction was described as "ayant consummé des boissons alcooliques sur le domaine public"
or, in a real language, "having consumed alcoholic beverages in a public place".
This encounter was so reminiscent of when I was charged 130$ for sitting down on a bench that was apparently a part of a "park" on my way home from the village one night. Next thing I knew two cops took my ID and were writing me up. I tried to tell them that I wasn't aware parks could "close" (or that I was even sitting in a park since it was just a little square off of the street with a few benches) and that I was sorry and would be on my way....and they responded by telling me they were charging me the minimum fee and if I kept being "difficult" they could have it increased. Lesson learned: lie your ass off and never show them ID!
First an foremost, claim you have no ID whatsoever. The cops harassed us saying "It's not our problem you don't have your ID, it's yours!".....hmm....let me think about that....I know who I am, where I live, etc. I'm not the one that needs to verify my ID; YOU ARE. So really, I think it IS your problem, not mine!
A. Quebecers know nothing of American pop culture. When choosing a phony name, you want something you can say with confidence....something you'll remember how to spell if you're asked to repeat it....something that rolls off the tongue. I find somewhat obscure celebrity names work quite nicely! (ie. David Sedaris, above).
B. When choosing a fake addy, its really a situational matter. I had already told the police that I didn't have my ID since I lived relatively close; thus, I had to think of an address that was close to the park. Since I actually DO live near by, this wasn't really a problem. I just gave them an address a couple blocks away from where I live.
C. Choosing a fake address that is close to where I live is also convenient since I know the postal code in that area, and can say it without hesitation. In any case, my cop was a young, not-so-bright, blonde girl and she copied it down wrong anyways.
D. For the date of birth, I went with something 2 days off of my regular birthday (april 7th instead of the 5th), and one year off (just for good measure!).
E. The infraction was described as "ayant consummé des boissons alcooliques sur le domaine public"
or, in a real language, "having consumed alcoholic beverages in a public place".
This encounter was so reminiscent of when I was charged 130$ for sitting down on a bench that was apparently a part of a "park" on my way home from the village one night. Next thing I knew two cops took my ID and were writing me up. I tried to tell them that I wasn't aware parks could "close" (or that I was even sitting in a park since it was just a little square off of the street with a few benches) and that I was sorry and would be on my way....and they responded by telling me they were charging me the minimum fee and if I kept being "difficult" they could have it increased. Lesson learned: lie your ass off and never show them ID!