Closed; The Day After The Change
Waking up after the change was always rough, that initial confusion as the fog lifted and reality began to sink in. Even before she picked herself up it was clear that her limbs were going to be stiff, readjusting to her human form and recovering from the shift
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The last person Sabrina wanted to deal with right now was her brother, not even ready to sort of the jumble of emotions running around inside of her when she heard his voice. She completely tensed up, even more than she already was with all the aches and sores as her body struggled to remain upright, and took a deep breath before turning towards him.
The day of the change Sabrina was more herself than any other day, amplified ten fold or more, buzzing with happy and excited energy. However, the day after she was somebody completely different - tired, angry, lifeless even. It was one of the only days every month that she let the darkness creep up inside of her and take her over, no strength to actually fight it off. It was the day she mourned for her family and the life that she had lost, hiding herself away inside of her tent. And even Mila, her tent mate, knew to steer clear.
There was something dark behind her eyes as she looked up at her brother from across the room, eyes narrowed at she took in his appearance. He looked beat up and broken, but no more than any other werewolf today. In fact, he could be worse. It wasn't like he had hurdled his body through a double pane window-
Sabrina had absolutely no sympathy today.
"Don't talk to me," she snapped, gripping the water glass tightly despite how much it hurt to do so. At least the physical pain was better than the weight she felt dragging her down as she looked up at the man she believed would always protect her.
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He'd take it. Sebastian would deal with anything she wanted to throw at him.
He had it coming, anyway. From the beginning, he'd known she wanted to run. Why he hadn't just let her was beyond him. All they had to do was charm the grounds to keep them in and protected.
He'd let his fear get the best of him in the worst possible way.
"You don't want to hear it, and that's fine. But I'm sorry. I shouldn't have fought you on that. You were right, and I was fucking scared."
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Sabrina took a deep breath to calm herself down but it didn't help but that didn't surprise her. Nothing helped today. It wasn't just her body that suffered, the change took its toll mentally and emotionally as well. There was no wall holding back all those unpleasant feelings that she choked down every other day of the month.
Today she felt everything.
"I told you things. I told you things I can't even say out loud-" she reminded him, a venomous bite in her tone. "And still- You lied to me. You were going to force me down there-"
She shook her head, jaw set, as if she couldn't believe her own memory.
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He knew what she had gone through, how controlling and abusive Nolan and the rest of her pack leaders were. Then he'd gone right ahead and made himself no better than that. If anything, he was worse simply because he was her brother, and he'd promised from before she'd even been able to recognize him to always take care of and protect her.
He consistently failed with her.
"And that was completely unacceptable. It was. I shouldn't have done that. I wish I hadn't. If you never forgive me for that? I get it."
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It was pathetic.
There was no denying that Sabrina was still in the werewolf mindset now, seeing things in terms of power and rankings than right and wrong. The mentality was so intensely ingrained inside of her that today it was impossible to escape and she wasn't about to back down or show any sort of weakness.
"You think you know better than me because of where I've been," she started, crossing her arms across her chest despite just how sore and stiff they were. Her elbows popped as she bent them. "But you're the one that put Reid in danger."
If he had just listened to her from the beginning then everything could have been avoided. The barrier and protection spells around the property wouldn't have taken her any time at all. Of course, he wouldn't have trusted them. She knew he wasn't taking her wolfsbane potion.
"I'm supposed to be a pack leader. I know what I'm doing-"
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So he'd pushed and fought until Reid had walked right in. Until Reid had watched the whole shift, been gripped by panic, and locked himself in the study. Where he still was. That's not even touching that if one thing had gone wrong, Reid could have been attacked and dead or cursed.
And that was on him.
His chest went tight and he swayed a little before he caught himself against the door frame and settled against it more securely.
"Clearly, you do." He wanted to argue. More than anything, he wanted to tell her that she knew what she was doing in the pack. While he might have been extremely too paranoid and over the top, he didn't trust anything else about her pack.
Not that he was much better; trying to force her into the vault and putting Reid in danger the way he had. "I was over protective and too paranoid. It's clouded everything. I know that. You're not saying anything I don't know."
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Sabrina barely recognized the man standing before her, his spirit broken beyond repair, paranoid, and shielded. When she had first come back she was sure that eventually she would break through to him, at least get him to consider her side of things and have what should have been a rational conversation about the whole thing.
Instead, all he wanted to do was lecture her and lock her up every month.
It was clear to her that whatever connection they had been holding onto was paper thin, maybe even severed at this point. They had both gone their separate ways in the last ten years and moved past blood-ties, forming new bonds with new families that were willing to take their sad and broken souls in, not quite nursing them back to health but trying to. Maybe there was no reconnecting after you mourned somebody.
"You've been lying to me from the moment I got here. You knew you were going to lock me up last night, didn't you?" she accused, taking a few painful steps towards him.
"You knew you were going to tell Jemma and Reid everything about me right away- I bet you didn't even give it a second though. You didn't even give it a second thought."
It was disgusting and heartbreaking and it tore her up inside.
"I don't even know you. You're not my brother-"
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He was quiet for a long moment, thinking it over. There was no way he could let that go without addressing her entire rant. It had to be done. He wouldn't argue, but he'd lay the defense out.
"I planned on talking you into it." Which was true. He tried to sound rational and was banking on his sore throat to cover the way his voice wavered. "Because I was stupid, Sabrina. I really thought that was the best way to do it. I didn't know better." She might have spent all her time with other werewolves, but he'd gone this completely alone, only really coming across them on accident and they'd never done more than shared a knowing look and moved on.
"And I didn't plan to tell them. How could I plan that? That just happened because I rely on them more than I should." After last night, though, he could probably stop doing that. It's not like he could envision a world where Reid would still even be willing to tolerate him. As for Jemma ... he might consider her his sister, she might be his best friend, but she'd known Reid first and they shared a group and history that Sebastian wouldn't bother trying to get into.
"But you know me. Everything else considered? You know me. You can hate me, but you know me. And you're still my sister and I love you, even if you disown me."
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After all, that's what their parents would have wanted. The Daley's had run from this life and the Wizarding World because they believed that they couldn't trust anyone else when things were rough. Their mother had always told her that family was more valuable than money, blood status, or even magic. Family, above all else, would protect you.
But how could that be true when Sebastian so obviously held his friends, or new family, in higher regard than her?
"That sort of thing doesn't just happen. This is my life. Don't you get that?" she asked him, her brow furrowed and face all twisted up in anger, lips pursed tightly together.
The there was no way that he could ever understand exactly what she had given up to come here and be with him, knowing now that she could never go back, not really. Actually, she was sure that he never really cared to. The life she had been living for the last ten years was wrong to him, or maybe it wasn't real at all so it didn't really matter who he told or brought into it.
There was always going to be somebody to try to control her because they thought they knew better, that saw her as weak or flighty.
She never thought that her brother would be one of those people.
"I really don't know you, Bash. But you know what's worse? You don't know me. You haven't even tried!" she continued, taking another step towards him on shaking legs. It was amazing she had managed to hold herself upright this long.
"What would mum think? What would dad say if he saw you right now? I came to you because you were my family- not Jemma or Reid. You've made it really clear where your loyalties are and it's not with me."
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When ever he was backed into a corner, he lashed out. As a survival instinct, that worked pretty well. For interpersonal relationships, it was terrible and destructive.
"I was trying to protect you in basically the worst way," he admitted. It was Sabrina's life; she was right. Protecting her didn't mean the same things it once had. Sebastian realized that a little late. Which just served to emphasize that their parents would be completely ashamed of him. He could see that look on their mother's face, and hear their father's voice in his head. And it was one more heartbreaking thing to add to the list.
"I've tried," he told her with a shrug and a sigh. "I'm just really, ridiculously bad at it. You came back. That, not them, is the best thing that ever happened to me." Sebastian didn't think she'd listen or understand at this point. They were very different now, honestly, but they just had to get to know each other again. Which was extremely unfortunate since Sebastian was terrible at knowing anyone, too closed off and self-contained for it until someone bowled him over and didn't give him an option - see Jemma and Reid's entire mission statement. "I'm bad at a lot of things. I know - I know when we were younger, I was less whatever I am now. But I'm trying. It just ... looks different now."
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It was all different now, wasn't it? There was no way that it could be anything other than different all the time that had passed and all the things that they had both been through. Of course, it had all been necessary. They had to adapt to their new lives without letting the memory of their old ones crush them completely. Sabrina pushed forward but it was clear that Sebastian had shut himself off.
They were both completely different people now- but were they too different?
Sabrina could tell from the moment that she met her that Jemma was much better suited to take her place as dear little sister in Sebastian's life. She was well adjusted and fierce, they had an incredibly amount of things in common, and he trusted her.
"You've been trying what you think is best," she shot back, taking a deep breath. Her lungs filled up with air and her chest burned as they expanded, perhaps doing more harm than good.
"Do you even care what I want? You are so wrapped up in your own shit that you can't see past it!"
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"You're right." How many times was Sebastian going to say that? Maybe he should have started counting, given how very many things he'd been wrong about. "I got stuck in my own head and you paid for that."
Such was his way, going around and destroying things for other people. Granted, usually he got paid to do that. Maybe if he hadn't been so solitary, he wouldn't have let that cross over into her actual life, once he started having one.
"But I want to know. I want to have an actual conversation about that. It's my fault we haven't. And if you don't hate me too much, maybe we can change that at some point." Not today, nothing good could come out of today, especially not since he was fighting not to let his sister decide to disappear while also knowing Reid was still locked up in a room somewhere.
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But today she wasn't.
Today Sabrina was exhausted and overall just completely and utterly fed up. Everything was more painful and her body was heavy, trying to readjust to this more vulnerable form.
"There isn't going to be any time for that," she told him, holding her ground as she met his gaze.
These words were going to be more painful than her aching muscles or throbbing head. But then again, the truth always did sting most of all.
"Last night proved that I just can't stay here. We keep trying and I don't belong. You asked me to wait until after the full moon to decide and I did."
If she left the next day she could camp out in Diagon Alley until the next supply group came around, which wouldn't be very long. They'd be angry with her but they'd take her back.
"I'm going back."
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"Sabrina, look." He pushed off the door frame to stand properly but was careful not to block the door or crowd her like he had last night.
"I know I fucked up. But it's like you think this is completely easy for me. I know it's hard for you, but it's hard for me, too. I haven't asked you to even think about that, and I don't have any place asking now. But I'm going to anyway."
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The look on her brother's face finally cut through her, knocking her down a few pegs and the heaviness in her chest held her in place.
"Of course, I wouldn't know how you feel. You tell me nothing," she reasoned, more of a breathy sigh.
Though, that's what he was trying to make up for now, wasn't it? If she'd stay, maybe they could fix this. But the longer she stayed the harder it was going to be to leave-
"How can I even imagine what its like for you? I have no idea what its like to be in this house or to have people I can run to. I can't leave this house for a breath of fresh air or to clear my head because if I go out there I might get lost or I might be found. I'm trapped and I have nobody but you or Dean. And if you already have no patience for me then how long will it take Dean? I might as well go."
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Sebastian hated the way she sounded. This was way worse for her than it was for him, and he knew that. He needed to start accepting it. She needed him to be, essentially, completely different. If that's what he needed to do, he'd at least try it. This was his baby sister; there's nothing he wouldn't do for her.
"Bri, I swear, it's not that I don't have patience for you. It's that, in case you didn't notice, I'm sort of a disaster." Normally, he wouldn't admit that, but there was no reason not to. This conversation was too heavy and he was too exhausted for anything else. "I don't know Dean - " At least, not personally. He had Jemma's approval, and Sebastian had definitely done some digging. " - but don't measure anyone by how I act about anything. He's probably more well-adjusted."
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