Bikes and Bozzos
So I've been biking to work since moving into the new place; it's great, I come in feeling energized (and drinking less caffeeine in the morning), it takes half as long as the metro (costs less, too), and exercise++.
This week though, I got my first I, of course, try to stay to back roads. But I have to cross I-66 at some point, and there aren't any back roads that do that. So I spend one "block" (about 800 feet) on a somewhat busy road and its bridge over I-66. This road sucks. It's single lane each way, and wide enough that they can paint the lines for the shoulders, but that's about it; there's less than three inches between the shoulder line and a pit of sharp rocks and tree roots. I do my best, but there's only so far over I can be. So I'm moving along this road, and this big blue minivan, driven by a big yellow-bellied coward decides they're too terrified to pull around me, despite ample opportunities. I eventually signal and pull infront of them to prepare for my left turn.
As I'm waiting for a break in oncoming traffic, this middle-aged balding moron--who I must assume was stuck behind the cowardly minivan driver--in a horrific orange sedan calls out his window that I should "Buy a car!" Now, just so we're all on the same page, I own a car; I think the irony was lost on my agreessor however. Luckily, I'd been preparing for just such a taunt, ever since last week when a large white moving van driven by lazy rednecks told me I should ride on the sidewalk (which, in addition to being illegal, is also slower, not to mention non-existant; perhaps they should try to driving with two wheels on the sidewalk, and tell me how it goes for them). I'd been mulling over counter-taunts, and while they aren't quite perfected (they're a little wordy), I tried one out.
"Buy a house closer to your job!"
Like I said, a bit to wordy. I dunno; suggestions? I mean, it's at least equally ridiculous, and shares a bit of parallelism, but it needs something more... or less, I suppose, in number of syllables.
This week though, I got my first I, of course, try to stay to back roads. But I have to cross I-66 at some point, and there aren't any back roads that do that. So I spend one "block" (about 800 feet) on a somewhat busy road and its bridge over I-66. This road sucks. It's single lane each way, and wide enough that they can paint the lines for the shoulders, but that's about it; there's less than three inches between the shoulder line and a pit of sharp rocks and tree roots. I do my best, but there's only so far over I can be. So I'm moving along this road, and this big blue minivan, driven by a big yellow-bellied coward decides they're too terrified to pull around me, despite ample opportunities. I eventually signal and pull infront of them to prepare for my left turn.
As I'm waiting for a break in oncoming traffic, this middle-aged balding moron--who I must assume was stuck behind the cowardly minivan driver--in a horrific orange sedan calls out his window that I should "Buy a car!" Now, just so we're all on the same page, I own a car; I think the irony was lost on my agreessor however. Luckily, I'd been preparing for just such a taunt, ever since last week when a large white moving van driven by lazy rednecks told me I should ride on the sidewalk (which, in addition to being illegal, is also slower, not to mention non-existant; perhaps they should try to driving with two wheels on the sidewalk, and tell me how it goes for them). I'd been mulling over counter-taunts, and while they aren't quite perfected (they're a little wordy), I tried one out.
"Buy a house closer to your job!"
Like I said, a bit to wordy. I dunno; suggestions? I mean, it's at least equally ridiculous, and shares a bit of parallelism, but it needs something more... or less, I suppose, in number of syllables.