are you afraid of the dark?

[dalena13]

I can't stop the voices
the images,
the nightmares,
the insanity,
in the last week I have alienated myself from my classmates
felt myself at the precipice of my suicidal tendencies
drank way too much with a man from my past
I think I was singing in his ear
gave a semi-successful bridal shower
interspersed with failing to turn in two crucial assignments for my masters
fear of success and self loathing rearing its ugly head again..
still.

I woke up Sunday morning with a tattoo on my arm of red roses, who put it there?
My son is gone for the summer, he called yesterday, already a girlfriend,
WHAT!!!!!!!,
have a wedding in two weeks,
can't do it,
called "that Man I can't get over
in a drunken stupor
at some ungodly hour
think he was in a drive thru,
ordering food
while trying to make sense of my incoherence
I am beyond hope.

met a fellow teacher
she lives nearby
a Washington transplant
we have made plans to go to Hobo Jazz next Wednesday

if I still feel like breathing