I just don't get it...
Why does it always seem like everyone's sole mission in life is to try to find some way to make me feel guilty about something? It seems like everybody just has this overwhelming need to make me feel bad so they can get what they want.
Let me start at the beginning... the duplex that my brother and I live in has been for sale for quite a while. Last week, we get a letter from our current landlords that the building has been sold, the closing is on Sept. 15th, the new owners are moving into the apartment downstairs, but would like us to stay, and they'll be in touch to let us know if they're going to adjust the rent. My thinking is, instead of having two tenants to collect rent from, they'll only have one... their mortgage payment is going to be quite a bit more than what we currently pay for rent... if it were me, I would jack up the rent to match what my house payment is, so that I wouldn't have to contribute any of my own money. Maybe I'm just that evil... or maybe I've just been back in this town too long...
The thing is, I can't afford rent to go up. I mean, not even a LITTLE bit. My grandmother, on hearing this story, offers that if rent does go up, I could move into the house with her, which I honestly didn't expect her to. I mean, she shared that house with my grandfather for 20 years... I wouldn't have thought she would've wanted to share it with anyone else. But, she offered and God knows I love her for it. So, the past couple days, I've been thinking it over, and as long as the offer's out there, maybe I should take her up on it. God knows, I'm not happy here. I'm broke, I'm lonely, and I'm going insane. I could solve all of those problems just by moving into my favorite place on earth.
But therein lies the rub... I move out, my brother has to too, especially if the rent goes up. However, at this point, I'm less and less concerned with what he's going to end up doing, because he hasn't been too considerate of me or my belongings (or my sanity for that matter) since I moved in here. Plus, I'm flat-ass broke. I mean, we're talking maxed-out credit cards, savings accounts that have been all but emptied... I'm broker than broke. I need a chance to catch up on my bills so that I might have even a CHANCE in the future of ever being considered for a loan, should I need one.
So I tell him that I'm THINKING of moving out, and what does he come back with? "Well, then, what the fuck am I supposed to do?" You know what, dude? It's not my fucking problem that the most reliable person you know in your life is your sister. It's not my fault that you chose friends that are fucking gutter trash assholes that have no ambition or motivation to make anything of their lives. Needless to say, he's barely talked to me all night...
Then, my mom calls... so I tell her I need to talk to her about something, just kind of use her as a sounding board. I say that I'm thinking of taking my grandmother up on her offer so that I can do the responsible thing and catch up on my bills, and what's the first thing she says? "Well, if you move out, what the hell's your brother supposed to do? I mean, you got the chance of a free life? What does he get out of this?" ..... EXCUSE ME? The boy is 22 years old. I'm not supposed to make arrangements for him too. And last I checked, he doesn't have to deal with half the bills I do, so I'm sure he'll survive just fine... and if he doesn't, it's really not my problem. I'm not his mother, his girlfriend, or his wife. I don't NEED to take care of him... I shouldn't have to feel the need to get further and further into debt and more unhappy than I already am just so Tony can thrive. I've made those kind of stupid ass sacrifices for too long, including agreeing to move in here in the first place.
It's just funny that everybody's first reaction isn't "oh, good for you... you're doing the responsible thing and not screwing up your financial future at the tender age of 24". Everybody's first reaction isn't about me, it's about my brother. And you know why? Because no one ever taught him to take care of himself... no one ever taught him to try to make something of his life. They expected NOTHING of him and EVERYTHING of me. And apparently, nothing's changed...
The thing is, this'll probably be a no-win situation anyway. If I stay here, I'm still going to be unhappy, broke, and insane, and if I move out, all I'll hear for the foreseeable future is how selfish I am to have abandoned my poor, defenseless little brother.
Such is life, people... welcome to it.
Let me start at the beginning... the duplex that my brother and I live in has been for sale for quite a while. Last week, we get a letter from our current landlords that the building has been sold, the closing is on Sept. 15th, the new owners are moving into the apartment downstairs, but would like us to stay, and they'll be in touch to let us know if they're going to adjust the rent. My thinking is, instead of having two tenants to collect rent from, they'll only have one... their mortgage payment is going to be quite a bit more than what we currently pay for rent... if it were me, I would jack up the rent to match what my house payment is, so that I wouldn't have to contribute any of my own money. Maybe I'm just that evil... or maybe I've just been back in this town too long...
The thing is, I can't afford rent to go up. I mean, not even a LITTLE bit. My grandmother, on hearing this story, offers that if rent does go up, I could move into the house with her, which I honestly didn't expect her to. I mean, she shared that house with my grandfather for 20 years... I wouldn't have thought she would've wanted to share it with anyone else. But, she offered and God knows I love her for it. So, the past couple days, I've been thinking it over, and as long as the offer's out there, maybe I should take her up on it. God knows, I'm not happy here. I'm broke, I'm lonely, and I'm going insane. I could solve all of those problems just by moving into my favorite place on earth.
But therein lies the rub... I move out, my brother has to too, especially if the rent goes up. However, at this point, I'm less and less concerned with what he's going to end up doing, because he hasn't been too considerate of me or my belongings (or my sanity for that matter) since I moved in here. Plus, I'm flat-ass broke. I mean, we're talking maxed-out credit cards, savings accounts that have been all but emptied... I'm broker than broke. I need a chance to catch up on my bills so that I might have even a CHANCE in the future of ever being considered for a loan, should I need one.
So I tell him that I'm THINKING of moving out, and what does he come back with? "Well, then, what the fuck am I supposed to do?" You know what, dude? It's not my fucking problem that the most reliable person you know in your life is your sister. It's not my fault that you chose friends that are fucking gutter trash assholes that have no ambition or motivation to make anything of their lives. Needless to say, he's barely talked to me all night...
Then, my mom calls... so I tell her I need to talk to her about something, just kind of use her as a sounding board. I say that I'm thinking of taking my grandmother up on her offer so that I can do the responsible thing and catch up on my bills, and what's the first thing she says? "Well, if you move out, what the hell's your brother supposed to do? I mean, you got the chance of a free life? What does he get out of this?" ..... EXCUSE ME? The boy is 22 years old. I'm not supposed to make arrangements for him too. And last I checked, he doesn't have to deal with half the bills I do, so I'm sure he'll survive just fine... and if he doesn't, it's really not my problem. I'm not his mother, his girlfriend, or his wife. I don't NEED to take care of him... I shouldn't have to feel the need to get further and further into debt and more unhappy than I already am just so Tony can thrive. I've made those kind of stupid ass sacrifices for too long, including agreeing to move in here in the first place.
It's just funny that everybody's first reaction isn't "oh, good for you... you're doing the responsible thing and not screwing up your financial future at the tender age of 24". Everybody's first reaction isn't about me, it's about my brother. And you know why? Because no one ever taught him to take care of himself... no one ever taught him to try to make something of his life. They expected NOTHING of him and EVERYTHING of me. And apparently, nothing's changed...
The thing is, this'll probably be a no-win situation anyway. If I stay here, I'm still going to be unhappy, broke, and insane, and if I move out, all I'll hear for the foreseeable future is how selfish I am to have abandoned my poor, defenseless little brother.
Such is life, people... welcome to it.