Upon blogging the millionth time...
I’ve read his livejournal for about the millionth time, and I have always had one reaction to his entries: jealousy. I was jealous how passionate he was able to write about his feelings for those other girls, and how he almost always ended his entries with a surge of hope that someday he’d be able to succeed. I was jealous also because he didn’t exactly have a stage like that when it came to me. He didn’t have to fight for me; he had my heart from the start. He didn’t have a hard time making me like him, because I loved him all along.
Today, I revisited that infamous journal. I expected the same feelings to come over me. I wanted to feel a little bit of resentment about him, so that I wouldn’t miss him that much (given that it’s day 2 of our sabbatical). But today, it was different. I didn’t feel jealous, at all. For the very first time, I saw the blog entries from a different perspective. I felt lucky. I realized that all of our qualms have subsided when we found each other. And I realized it was easier to deal with problems when we’re together. Before our relationship, I knew what kind of mess I am, and that still haven’t change, but at least I have him.
I really miss him, and I’ve exhausted every energy cell in my body, not to get my phone and give him a text. Day 2 have been a day of an important realization. I know more days would give us more realizations. I just hope I could make it.
Today, I revisited that infamous journal. I expected the same feelings to come over me. I wanted to feel a little bit of resentment about him, so that I wouldn’t miss him that much (given that it’s day 2 of our sabbatical). But today, it was different. I didn’t feel jealous, at all. For the very first time, I saw the blog entries from a different perspective. I felt lucky. I realized that all of our qualms have subsided when we found each other. And I realized it was easier to deal with problems when we’re together. Before our relationship, I knew what kind of mess I am, and that still haven’t change, but at least I have him.
I really miss him, and I’ve exhausted every energy cell in my body, not to get my phone and give him a text. Day 2 have been a day of an important realization. I know more days would give us more realizations. I just hope I could make it.