Delta E
I have started to feel the effects of the increased dosage of Abilify. Energy is up, but so is anxiety and restlessness, especially around mid-morning. I'm taking the lowest dose of Ativan to help with that, but I worry about becoming dependent on it because I'm taking it almost every day.
Med adjustments are never easy, but I've got to endure this if I want to get better. Or do I? I had a conversation with a friend the other day and he asked me what would happen if I just stopped taking all of these medications. Of course most of the ones I take require tapering down and can't just be stopped abruptly. But it got me thinking about the quality of life before the meds. I was not sleeping well, and was almost always in a sour mood and irritable. I'm sleeping much better now, but still struggle with depression, being irritable and anxiety. Is there really a net sum gain there? It's hard to say because I viewed life differently before I was diagnosed with all of these disorders. I just sort of put up with them without really realizing it.
But after being diagnosed, and starting meds I started seeing certain situations as validating my condition. I started to expect it was *normal* for me to feel miserable and irritable, even while on the medications, because honestly, at first, I expected meds to work magically to counter whatever crap condition I was feeling. But they don't work that way - maybe a little at first, but as time goes by you've also got to work on changing your thought patterns that feed the negative cycles of depression/anxiety/whatever. Being on anti-depressants isn't going to cure your depression when you're still engaging in the thoughts and behaviors that reinforce your depression (self-isolation, excessive sleep, poor appetite, etc)
I hope that someday I'll be able to come off of most of these meds and live life normally again. Of course I've come to accept that I'll never be 100% comfortable in crowds.
Med adjustments are never easy, but I've got to endure this if I want to get better. Or do I? I had a conversation with a friend the other day and he asked me what would happen if I just stopped taking all of these medications. Of course most of the ones I take require tapering down and can't just be stopped abruptly. But it got me thinking about the quality of life before the meds. I was not sleeping well, and was almost always in a sour mood and irritable. I'm sleeping much better now, but still struggle with depression, being irritable and anxiety. Is there really a net sum gain there? It's hard to say because I viewed life differently before I was diagnosed with all of these disorders. I just sort of put up with them without really realizing it.
But after being diagnosed, and starting meds I started seeing certain situations as validating my condition. I started to expect it was *normal* for me to feel miserable and irritable, even while on the medications, because honestly, at first, I expected meds to work magically to counter whatever crap condition I was feeling. But they don't work that way - maybe a little at first, but as time goes by you've also got to work on changing your thought patterns that feed the negative cycles of depression/anxiety/whatever. Being on anti-depressants isn't going to cure your depression when you're still engaging in the thoughts and behaviors that reinforce your depression (self-isolation, excessive sleep, poor appetite, etc)
I hope that someday I'll be able to come off of most of these meds and live life normally again. Of course I've come to accept that I'll never be 100% comfortable in crowds.