Today should have been optional..........
Well...the world knows no mercy. I should have just stayed in bed today. REALLY early this morning, I talked with a friend that made me contemplate the ins/outs of human nature.....ultimately in the end, I was depressed and full of a definite lack of understanding. Why do people to what they do???? And why do those that are wonderful in so many respects short themselves???? Why are there users, abusers, and hateful souls that have people to lay down next to every night and wonderful amazing people who are full or charisma, brains, and loving arms lacking in someone special to hold????? Why are quick fixes a good answer to an ebbing need for companionship and fullfillment???? Isn't there someone out there for each or us.......and why in the world do the good people always have to wait ( I HATE WAITING..."sammi, very obviously makes her "better business bureau face and scowls toward the sky")????? And finally why do we go for those quick fixes........why don't we hold out for that one perfect thing???? Is it something in our DNA......is it a stored data file in our minds...programmed before we are even reincarnated back to earth for a second, thrid, or forth chance.....I guess I don't get it...so, naive shall I stay....ever curious and an extreme hopeless romantic. But dear god........you have a funny way of giving us freedom of choice!!! DONE!!
This morning I was too tired to go to class.....so I didn't. (whether or not that was a bad idea...i guess I will find out on wednesday) I am full of senioritis--i dont want to do anything!!! Josh and I lost my ring....but we found it....after I dug through the icky garbage. (yuck...i am most definitly not garbage digging friendly..p-u!!) Then I went to work....and I love my job....don't get me wrong...but some days are-so-hard. The work day started off on a bad note...as I walked into the clinic they were euthanizing a dog that had been in and out for two weeks. He had a cocked head and bruised tongue...but he was always happy to see me and thankful for my quick hellos and my chewy treats (his teeth were bad...so he only liked the chewy ones so those are the only kind I gave him) He was a cluster seizure dog and we couldn't get them under control...he was 4....so although I was sad, I understood why it had to be done. His name was JO. Then our next appt was another euth...only this time it was two dogs....the first dog "Buddy" had cancer....the other dog "Steller"(healthy) was his best friend...they were life mates.....they had grown up together....lived in the same house all their lives....loved the same owners as only dogs can....drank out of the same bowls...chewed on the same shoes....and would now share the same shallow coffin....they now would be after-life mates. They both came in tails wagging, tongues lolling out, happy grins on their faces and searchin for treats(all doggies get treats from sammi) ....they had no idea their treat would be a ketamine kick with a fatal prick of blue juice...they just wanted lovin...(Their daddy had prepared them steak for a final send off...he told us....tears rolling down his face....shakkily handing the leashes--he did not want back, to Jen) Buddy didn't know he was dying....he just knew he got to go for a car ride....and Steller was happy to tag along. As we gave them their pre-anesthetic they looked up at me with such trusting eyes.....i didn't turn away...i just patted them gently and sent them off quietly with one quick glimmering tear and final ear scratch. Their hearts stopped beatin....together... and their souls drifted towards the heavens as my tear landed softly on buddy's shoulder blade. With a nod of my head, all standing close knew it was over and I removed my stethoscope from my ears and rose in silence. I went to the bathroom wiped my eyes and walked out calmly......to many people to see and too much to do to have so much emotion....Then bad went to worse....who knew....CJ, the dog in kennel 17 had come in this morning for an x-ray series...I had never met him before and he greated me anxiously by backing up until he relalized I wouldnt harm him and slowly placed his sniffing muzel in my palm. We were friends. His owner complained that he had been limping for quite a while and he wanted to get it checked out..I hadn't seen the x-rays when I came in...but the cage door said "no treats"....so I figured either they hadn't been done yet....or treats were not alowed because another proceedure was going to take place. At 5:11 Mr. Harris walked through the door. we put him in room three...the first bad sign.....Dr. McClure went and discussed the x-rays with Mr. Harris who after 20 minutes walked out with puffy eyes and a dog tag. Dr. McClure drew up her hidden demon and cried her way back to the room. CJ's fate was sealed with osteo-malignancy and a kiss from a loving Dr. The death toll today tooks its wrath out on all of us in the clinic. The nine of us sat in room three....peering over CJ's body lying on the hand-me-down blanket from the the yanish family...and we cried. Patients waited in the lobby.......we dried our tears, said our last goodbyes, glanced at eachothers contorted faces and placed CJ's shell gently in his plastic bag resting place. We carried him solemly to Mr. Harris's van door and slammed it shut with a mild forcefulness that only comes with mourning. We went through the routine appts...no one really said much...we gathered our vaccines......did our toe nail trims....and looked after the in house patients....each of using pausing a few seconds longer at the cages to give a good scratch or a kind and reassuring word to those patients lying restless in our care. I left the clinic very diheartened....driving slowly...staring blankly out the window at the shadowy trees.....questioning why i even wanted to Vet.....days like these make me wonder....am I cut out for this kind of work???? The answer is yes....I thank god that I can make connections with the animals I work with...its a blessing....and although I know there will be more days like this one....I know that there will be days when I can bring life rather then death...where I can save rather then snuff out....where I can make a difference not only in the life of some obscure animal but in the life of a loving Owner....Where I.............won't have to say goodbye......
This morning I was too tired to go to class.....so I didn't. (whether or not that was a bad idea...i guess I will find out on wednesday) I am full of senioritis--i dont want to do anything!!! Josh and I lost my ring....but we found it....after I dug through the icky garbage. (yuck...i am most definitly not garbage digging friendly..p-u!!) Then I went to work....and I love my job....don't get me wrong...but some days are-so-hard. The work day started off on a bad note...as I walked into the clinic they were euthanizing a dog that had been in and out for two weeks. He had a cocked head and bruised tongue...but he was always happy to see me and thankful for my quick hellos and my chewy treats (his teeth were bad...so he only liked the chewy ones so those are the only kind I gave him) He was a cluster seizure dog and we couldn't get them under control...he was 4....so although I was sad, I understood why it had to be done. His name was JO. Then our next appt was another euth...only this time it was two dogs....the first dog "Buddy" had cancer....the other dog "Steller"(healthy) was his best friend...they were life mates.....they had grown up together....lived in the same house all their lives....loved the same owners as only dogs can....drank out of the same bowls...chewed on the same shoes....and would now share the same shallow coffin....they now would be after-life mates. They both came in tails wagging, tongues lolling out, happy grins on their faces and searchin for treats(all doggies get treats from sammi) ....they had no idea their treat would be a ketamine kick with a fatal prick of blue juice...they just wanted lovin...(Their daddy had prepared them steak for a final send off...he told us....tears rolling down his face....shakkily handing the leashes--he did not want back, to Jen) Buddy didn't know he was dying....he just knew he got to go for a car ride....and Steller was happy to tag along. As we gave them their pre-anesthetic they looked up at me with such trusting eyes.....i didn't turn away...i just patted them gently and sent them off quietly with one quick glimmering tear and final ear scratch. Their hearts stopped beatin....together... and their souls drifted towards the heavens as my tear landed softly on buddy's shoulder blade. With a nod of my head, all standing close knew it was over and I removed my stethoscope from my ears and rose in silence. I went to the bathroom wiped my eyes and walked out calmly......to many people to see and too much to do to have so much emotion....Then bad went to worse....who knew....CJ, the dog in kennel 17 had come in this morning for an x-ray series...I had never met him before and he greated me anxiously by backing up until he relalized I wouldnt harm him and slowly placed his sniffing muzel in my palm. We were friends. His owner complained that he had been limping for quite a while and he wanted to get it checked out..I hadn't seen the x-rays when I came in...but the cage door said "no treats"....so I figured either they hadn't been done yet....or treats were not alowed because another proceedure was going to take place. At 5:11 Mr. Harris walked through the door. we put him in room three...the first bad sign.....Dr. McClure went and discussed the x-rays with Mr. Harris who after 20 minutes walked out with puffy eyes and a dog tag. Dr. McClure drew up her hidden demon and cried her way back to the room. CJ's fate was sealed with osteo-malignancy and a kiss from a loving Dr. The death toll today tooks its wrath out on all of us in the clinic. The nine of us sat in room three....peering over CJ's body lying on the hand-me-down blanket from the the yanish family...and we cried. Patients waited in the lobby.......we dried our tears, said our last goodbyes, glanced at eachothers contorted faces and placed CJ's shell gently in his plastic bag resting place. We carried him solemly to Mr. Harris's van door and slammed it shut with a mild forcefulness that only comes with mourning. We went through the routine appts...no one really said much...we gathered our vaccines......did our toe nail trims....and looked after the in house patients....each of using pausing a few seconds longer at the cages to give a good scratch or a kind and reassuring word to those patients lying restless in our care. I left the clinic very diheartened....driving slowly...staring blankly out the window at the shadowy trees.....questioning why i even wanted to Vet.....days like these make me wonder....am I cut out for this kind of work???? The answer is yes....I thank god that I can make connections with the animals I work with...its a blessing....and although I know there will be more days like this one....I know that there will be days when I can bring life rather then death...where I can save rather then snuff out....where I can make a difference not only in the life of some obscure animal but in the life of a loving Owner....Where I.............won't have to say goodbye......