2008
Wasn't all that bad I guess.
I mean sure, my parents lost their house. My sister lost her kids. And in the process, I lost both my sanity and most of my privacy. But I grew up. I work two part time jobs, I'm a full time uncle to 4, a full time brother and a full time son.
Sure those are natural parts of life. But I find that under my circumstances, they are a lot harder than what is supposed to be the natural order. I can only give so much support, but I've found that it goes a long way. I try to help out as much as I can with my family lately. And as crazy as its making me, its brought me a lot closer to them. The end of 2008 brought me as close to my mom as I could possibly get, she finally confronted me after christmas about being gay. And after a nice hour or so of tears she confirmed what I always knew; she doesn't care. Although she's still hoping me and Carrie will have a child together one day.
That same day, my one month old niece was taken away from my older sister due to a lot of big mistakes made on her part. (The main mistake being her douchebag husband) my two nephews who are now 7 and 5 have already been living with us since june. Hence the loss of sanity and privacy. I get one night of solid, peaceful rest a week. That comes every monday night when I get to sleep in M's bed. And believe me, having his arms to fall asleep in for even just one night a week brings me out of that murky depressed and deprived state I'm always in. If I had the choice, everyday would be tuesday.
My new years resolution this year, is to BE a grown up. Having my one night of peace a week has really shown me how much I love M. He keeps me going every day, and knowing that I have a real possibility of being happy with him and moving away with him, is what my drive is going to be. From January to June, I plan on doing absolutely no shopping. Every spare dollar I have is going into my savings account and not coming back out. My goal is to save at least enough for a few months rent in chicago. The last thing I want, is to have to lose him because I can't afford to move away. If I do manage to save enough for a few months of chicago rent, then that whole 3 months that I KNOW I have with him there, will be spent looking for a decent job. Obviously working at petsmart isn't gonna be enough. And seeing as how I have zero skills and no education, I don't plan on it being easy.
I'm excited for 2009 to start, and at the same time, I'm scared as shit.
I'm excited that my niece and nephews are in my mothers care, but I'm scared that my sister will never get her kids back. I'm excited that my parents are slowly getting back on their feet, but scared they won't ever be fully financially set. And I'm excited to get away from everything and start my own life, but scared to lose everything I love in the process. Or to lose someone that I love in the process.
2009 is my year to gamble, the stakes are going to be high; but I'm hoping to play my cards right.
I mean sure, my parents lost their house. My sister lost her kids. And in the process, I lost both my sanity and most of my privacy. But I grew up. I work two part time jobs, I'm a full time uncle to 4, a full time brother and a full time son.
Sure those are natural parts of life. But I find that under my circumstances, they are a lot harder than what is supposed to be the natural order. I can only give so much support, but I've found that it goes a long way. I try to help out as much as I can with my family lately. And as crazy as its making me, its brought me a lot closer to them. The end of 2008 brought me as close to my mom as I could possibly get, she finally confronted me after christmas about being gay. And after a nice hour or so of tears she confirmed what I always knew; she doesn't care. Although she's still hoping me and Carrie will have a child together one day.
That same day, my one month old niece was taken away from my older sister due to a lot of big mistakes made on her part. (The main mistake being her douchebag husband) my two nephews who are now 7 and 5 have already been living with us since june. Hence the loss of sanity and privacy. I get one night of solid, peaceful rest a week. That comes every monday night when I get to sleep in M's bed. And believe me, having his arms to fall asleep in for even just one night a week brings me out of that murky depressed and deprived state I'm always in. If I had the choice, everyday would be tuesday.
My new years resolution this year, is to BE a grown up. Having my one night of peace a week has really shown me how much I love M. He keeps me going every day, and knowing that I have a real possibility of being happy with him and moving away with him, is what my drive is going to be. From January to June, I plan on doing absolutely no shopping. Every spare dollar I have is going into my savings account and not coming back out. My goal is to save at least enough for a few months rent in chicago. The last thing I want, is to have to lose him because I can't afford to move away. If I do manage to save enough for a few months of chicago rent, then that whole 3 months that I KNOW I have with him there, will be spent looking for a decent job. Obviously working at petsmart isn't gonna be enough. And seeing as how I have zero skills and no education, I don't plan on it being easy.
I'm excited for 2009 to start, and at the same time, I'm scared as shit.
I'm excited that my niece and nephews are in my mothers care, but I'm scared that my sister will never get her kids back. I'm excited that my parents are slowly getting back on their feet, but scared they won't ever be fully financially set. And I'm excited to get away from everything and start my own life, but scared to lose everything I love in the process. Or to lose someone that I love in the process.
2009 is my year to gamble, the stakes are going to be high; but I'm hoping to play my cards right.