No where to turn
I have come to the conclusion that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. Not in a friend's sort of way but in the way of having someone there that I can really depend on at times. Someone that will love me no matter what happens or what I do. I've had several boyfriends in the past 10 years or so but none have really been what I was looking for.....or maybe I wasn't what they were looking for. Hell, I don't even know anymore.
I think my main problem is I care too fucking much at times. I've sat here tonight in tears because all my friends have come to me with their problems and I can't figure out a way to solve them. My best friend in the world told me that he was taking his leave from the net because of shit like this. It fucking hurts....I just want to break down and cry again because now I'm losing him. It hurts...it makes me wish I was dead because now I don't know when I'll be able to talk to him again, if ever.
Lately, a lot has been going on. I moved to Virginia and boy was that a mistake. My mother drove me into a deeper depression than I was already in. I decided that I would go to Paula's wedding, only to have my car break down one state away. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be at Paula's. I love her to death but I feel like a bum or something. All my shit is still in Virginia, along with all Corrie's stuff and my pet rabbit!! God, I hope my mother hasn't killed him yet and I have no way of getting there right now because I have no fucking money. Why does everything depend on money? It really sucks. I tried to quit smoking and was doing really good until today. I only had 2 packs in the last week. *sighs* But it's night like this one that makes me smoke twice as much.
I just want to die when all this piles on me. Anyways, back to my friends. I love each of you dearly. I hope you all know that and I'm not coming down on any of you but I don't know what to do. I want to just take a trip across the country and start kicking some asses. Not my friends' but the people that are hurting my friends. It really pisses me off when they tell me about a girl/guy they like and how that person is treating them like shit. I swear, one of these days I'm going to gather you all up and we'll just move into a huge house somewhere together. I think it's already starting here in Rhode Island. Seems that way, anyhow.
Oh well, I guess that's enough for tonight...
Tom...I will miss you dearly. Please let me know how you are doing and if there's anything I can do to help. You know I luff you bunches.
Hugs to those of you that deserve it and a swift kick in the ass to those who don't. You know who you are.
I think my main problem is I care too fucking much at times. I've sat here tonight in tears because all my friends have come to me with their problems and I can't figure out a way to solve them. My best friend in the world told me that he was taking his leave from the net because of shit like this. It fucking hurts....I just want to break down and cry again because now I'm losing him. It hurts...it makes me wish I was dead because now I don't know when I'll be able to talk to him again, if ever.
Lately, a lot has been going on. I moved to Virginia and boy was that a mistake. My mother drove me into a deeper depression than I was already in. I decided that I would go to Paula's wedding, only to have my car break down one state away. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be at Paula's. I love her to death but I feel like a bum or something. All my shit is still in Virginia, along with all Corrie's stuff and my pet rabbit!! God, I hope my mother hasn't killed him yet and I have no way of getting there right now because I have no fucking money. Why does everything depend on money? It really sucks. I tried to quit smoking and was doing really good until today. I only had 2 packs in the last week. *sighs* But it's night like this one that makes me smoke twice as much.
I just want to die when all this piles on me. Anyways, back to my friends. I love each of you dearly. I hope you all know that and I'm not coming down on any of you but I don't know what to do. I want to just take a trip across the country and start kicking some asses. Not my friends' but the people that are hurting my friends. It really pisses me off when they tell me about a girl/guy they like and how that person is treating them like shit. I swear, one of these days I'm going to gather you all up and we'll just move into a huge house somewhere together. I think it's already starting here in Rhode Island. Seems that way, anyhow.
Oh well, I guess that's enough for tonight...
Tom...I will miss you dearly. Please let me know how you are doing and if there's anything I can do to help. You know I luff you bunches.
Hugs to those of you that deserve it and a swift kick in the ass to those who don't. You know who you are.