097.001 - May 13, 2012 Resolution
I am still in disbelief that after two months of trying, I was still disallowed from enabling the protocols necessary to address damage and repair my injured soul. I was denied the ability to recover enough to recover. Further, my spirit was killed in the process.
I am going to write the first part of this Resolution as a story.
In the Reimagined Wild Wild West, in the village of Viyahey, there lived a sheriff named Sharif. Sharif was a just man, and he took meticulous, careful steps to make sure that Viyahey was operating under the code of law. There was no mayor of Viyahey, only Sharif and the denizens within. Due to the peace he brought and the prosperity that peace brings through encouraged commerce, Viyahey's size grew until it could not escape the notice of outsiders.
One of those outsiders was named El Segundo. El Segundo came from a different part of the Reimagined Wild Wild West; he had barely escaped a drug cartel hideout when the Mexican Feds came in and raided. He was roped in by the cartel at an early age, and was happy to have been freed from the cartel, but that hideout was not the only hideout that cartel had. Soon enough, the cartel started sending agents after him, and it was all El Segundo could do to get out of Mexico. Eventually, hearing of Viyahey's peace, he fled to the village.
While in Viyahey, El Segundo quickly ascended the ranks as its bureaucrat, using the organization skills he learned in the cartel for good rather than harm. He made pacts with Texas Federal Government, the Mexican Federal Government, and the United States Federal Government and gave Viyahey even more prosperity. However, these pacts meant increased governmental presence with the city, and while Sharif was an excellent sheriff, he conducted his business in a way that was different from what the governments wanted him to do. Sharif began to resent El Segundo's unilateral action towards the town as it undermined him, even though El Segundo and the people of Viyahey thought that it was best for their town to be prosperous via trade with other citizens. Sharif's need in the town was most undermined when he confronted a gang of thugs purported to be working with El Segundo's former cartel, only to see the US Feds sweep in and tell him that his services were not needed.
That was the last straw. Sharif came up with an elaborate plan and fabricated a story that pinned El Segundo as secretly working with his old cartel to pay amends to the cartel. At first, Viyahey was skeptical of this, but as the number of documents grew and they remembered how stable the town was when Sharif was the only one in charge--Viyahey had suffered quite a number of violent incidents while El Segundo became de facto mayor--they allowed Sharif to arrest El Segundo.
El Segundo now served a life sentence for having been part of a cartel that he never had a chance to flee from, and for trying to defeat that cartel.
A few months later, while Viyahey began to enjoy its increased stability, but while suffering decreased access to outside governmental help, Sharif himself went to El Segundo's jail cell with a gun.
Years later, the people who lived in Viyahey moved to more prosperous towns such as Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Amarillo, or Norman, and the town, as it had no official standing with the governments of the region at any time, became long forgotten, another legend of the Reimagined Wild Wild West.
The previous subera failed. The mode of this subera, entitled "Your Undead Ex-Lover," is reparations. This new one is to pay reparations to the ones I have harmed: the Queer community, the Transgender-Polyamory-Pansexual community, the Polyamory-Primary-Secondary community, the Queer Activist Community, those associated with my girlfriend, my work ethic, my friends, mainstream society, abuse rhetoric, America--all for trying to be a caring human being. I have forgotten that people can do just fine without me, and I am setting out to prove that.
I am also setting out not to assume who my family is. I am setting out not to assume that communities desire my assistance. I will realign my positions with those groups until they find their proper standing, and reduce my role in everyone's lives until I get there.
I am a failure: a failure in planning, a failure in consideration, a failure in deed, a failure in action. The little gains I get aren't worth all the destruction and pain and violence I inflict on the world. I deserve a self-imposed prison, and your blame.
There will be no accounting of the Attempt, the Birthday, the Triggerfest, the Fallout, the Driveby, or the Blood. Not now. Not for ages. I must suffer in prison, for I am a threat. If I am lucky, the sheriff will not visit me while I am in prison.
I am going to write the first part of this Resolution as a story.
In the Reimagined Wild Wild West, in the village of Viyahey, there lived a sheriff named Sharif. Sharif was a just man, and he took meticulous, careful steps to make sure that Viyahey was operating under the code of law. There was no mayor of Viyahey, only Sharif and the denizens within. Due to the peace he brought and the prosperity that peace brings through encouraged commerce, Viyahey's size grew until it could not escape the notice of outsiders.
One of those outsiders was named El Segundo. El Segundo came from a different part of the Reimagined Wild Wild West; he had barely escaped a drug cartel hideout when the Mexican Feds came in and raided. He was roped in by the cartel at an early age, and was happy to have been freed from the cartel, but that hideout was not the only hideout that cartel had. Soon enough, the cartel started sending agents after him, and it was all El Segundo could do to get out of Mexico. Eventually, hearing of Viyahey's peace, he fled to the village.
While in Viyahey, El Segundo quickly ascended the ranks as its bureaucrat, using the organization skills he learned in the cartel for good rather than harm. He made pacts with Texas Federal Government, the Mexican Federal Government, and the United States Federal Government and gave Viyahey even more prosperity. However, these pacts meant increased governmental presence with the city, and while Sharif was an excellent sheriff, he conducted his business in a way that was different from what the governments wanted him to do. Sharif began to resent El Segundo's unilateral action towards the town as it undermined him, even though El Segundo and the people of Viyahey thought that it was best for their town to be prosperous via trade with other citizens. Sharif's need in the town was most undermined when he confronted a gang of thugs purported to be working with El Segundo's former cartel, only to see the US Feds sweep in and tell him that his services were not needed.
That was the last straw. Sharif came up with an elaborate plan and fabricated a story that pinned El Segundo as secretly working with his old cartel to pay amends to the cartel. At first, Viyahey was skeptical of this, but as the number of documents grew and they remembered how stable the town was when Sharif was the only one in charge--Viyahey had suffered quite a number of violent incidents while El Segundo became de facto mayor--they allowed Sharif to arrest El Segundo.
El Segundo now served a life sentence for having been part of a cartel that he never had a chance to flee from, and for trying to defeat that cartel.
A few months later, while Viyahey began to enjoy its increased stability, but while suffering decreased access to outside governmental help, Sharif himself went to El Segundo's jail cell with a gun.
Years later, the people who lived in Viyahey moved to more prosperous towns such as Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Amarillo, or Norman, and the town, as it had no official standing with the governments of the region at any time, became long forgotten, another legend of the Reimagined Wild Wild West.
The previous subera failed. The mode of this subera, entitled "Your Undead Ex-Lover," is reparations. This new one is to pay reparations to the ones I have harmed: the Queer community, the Transgender-Polyamory-Pansexual community, the Polyamory-Primary-Secondary community, the Queer Activist Community, those associated with my girlfriend, my work ethic, my friends, mainstream society, abuse rhetoric, America--all for trying to be a caring human being. I have forgotten that people can do just fine without me, and I am setting out to prove that.
I am also setting out not to assume who my family is. I am setting out not to assume that communities desire my assistance. I will realign my positions with those groups until they find their proper standing, and reduce my role in everyone's lives until I get there.
I am a failure: a failure in planning, a failure in consideration, a failure in deed, a failure in action. The little gains I get aren't worth all the destruction and pain and violence I inflict on the world. I deserve a self-imposed prison, and your blame.
There will be no accounting of the Attempt, the Birthday, the Triggerfest, the Fallout, the Driveby, or the Blood. Not now. Not for ages. I must suffer in prison, for I am a threat. If I am lucky, the sheriff will not visit me while I am in prison.