It's Valentine's Day...Woodee-freakin'-doo
I just have a lot of things to get off my chest, so here goes. (This is not directed at anyone)
I am so fucking sick of most people. (keyword here is most)
This weekend, I was at a party. It was going well, lots of people having fun, all in underwear and boxers and such. It was great. But about halfway through the party, I fell extremely depressed, and I wound up sitting down the rest of the night, watching people drink and party away. And I couldn't tear myself away from my inner monologue to have fun.
But during this, I came to a realization that I have toyed with for a while now. I want to move. I want to get out of here.
Here I am, at a party with people that I went to college with, and I am still hanging out with them. Not that I dont enjoy their company. But it struck me that my circle of friends is so small. There are about 12 people total that I hang out with on even a semi-regular basis. Heck, I see some of them so often, we might as well be roommates.
I fear that I am growing bored with people, with life, with what I am doing with my life. It scares me to think that I am wasting my life.
And then there is Valentine's Day. (start up the smallest violin)
I spent most of my day, cleaning the apartment and watching TV and doing laundry. That was my Valentine's Day. Several of my friends went out (at least the couples did). One had a show to work, and the other two went to the show. My roommate is out of town, and going to the strip club with his best friend. My family is in Dallas, doing whatever it is they are doing.
I am tired of this. I am tired of being single, but I dont know what to do. As my friend Grayson was saying, " you have to pretend you are the sexiest thing on the God-damn planet; pretend you are James Bond." See, I would like to try that, but my own reservations and low self-esteem (this may come as a shock to those that know me: I do have extremely low self-esteem) keep me from effectively working that ruse.
*sigh* I don't know anyone.
I am so fucking sick of most people. (keyword here is most)
This weekend, I was at a party. It was going well, lots of people having fun, all in underwear and boxers and such. It was great. But about halfway through the party, I fell extremely depressed, and I wound up sitting down the rest of the night, watching people drink and party away. And I couldn't tear myself away from my inner monologue to have fun.
But during this, I came to a realization that I have toyed with for a while now. I want to move. I want to get out of here.
Here I am, at a party with people that I went to college with, and I am still hanging out with them. Not that I dont enjoy their company. But it struck me that my circle of friends is so small. There are about 12 people total that I hang out with on even a semi-regular basis. Heck, I see some of them so often, we might as well be roommates.
I fear that I am growing bored with people, with life, with what I am doing with my life. It scares me to think that I am wasting my life.
And then there is Valentine's Day. (start up the smallest violin)
I spent most of my day, cleaning the apartment and watching TV and doing laundry. That was my Valentine's Day. Several of my friends went out (at least the couples did). One had a show to work, and the other two went to the show. My roommate is out of town, and going to the strip club with his best friend. My family is in Dallas, doing whatever it is they are doing.
I am tired of this. I am tired of being single, but I dont know what to do. As my friend Grayson was saying, " you have to pretend you are the sexiest thing on the God-damn planet; pretend you are James Bond." See, I would like to try that, but my own reservations and low self-esteem (this may come as a shock to those that know me: I do have extremely low self-esteem) keep me from effectively working that ruse.
*sigh* I don't know anyone.