a cautionary tale
i've got a couple of moles underneath my arms. moles is what my people have. my dad is covered with them. when we were kids we would play connect the dots with our fingers, tracing them along his back.
a couple of weeks ago, one of these moles got sore. i felt underneath my arm and i could tell that it was doing something sort of strange. it was sticking out pretty far.
"i should do something about that, maybe get someone to look at it," thought i.
a couple of nights later, it was causing me so much pain that i had trouble sleeping.
in the morning, i held up my arm to see what was going on.
"holy cow," i said gazing in the mirror in bewilderment, "it's gone black."
a moment more...
"ah. gross. it's a big old dog tick."
i'd been camping a couple of weeks before, you see, and somewhere along the way had picked this little lady up. it was a chick tick. i did the research.
HOW TO REMOVE A TICK
common wisdom, i remembered, was to hold a flame to the tick. this would, i was told, cause the tick to let go. not having ever had a tick that i could remember, i am sure i did, we played outside all the time, i had no practical experience.
i pulled out my trusty scripto Aim N Flame (fig 1a) and took it into the bathroom.
fig 1a
the application of the flame to the tick rendered no results. no results beyond my burning a lot of my underarm hair off and barbecuing my skin. surrounded by the stench of singed hair and the sting of having burned my flesh, i tried a more direct approach.
i held a pair of tweezers directly into the flame (fig 2a), heating them up until they began to burn my fingers.
fig 2a
alas, the tick stayed stubbornly in place.
THE JANX USES THE VAST RESOURCES OF THE WEB TO DETERMINE THE PROPER FORM OF TICK REMOVAL, OLD WIVES TALES HAVING PROVEN FRUITLESS
according to webmd, this is how you remove a tick:
"Use fine-tipped tweezers to remove a tick. If tweezers are not available, use your fingers after covering them with gloves or tissue paper. Do not handle the tick with bare hands.
Grasp the tick as close to its mouth (the part that is stuck in your skin) as you can. The body of the tick will be above your skin.
Do not grasp the tick around its bloated abdomen. You might push infected fluid from the tick into your body if you squeeze it.
Pull the tick straight out until its mouth lets go of your skin. Do not twist or "unscrew" the tick. This may separate the head from the body."
also it said,
"Do not try to burn the tick while it is attached to your skin."
i used the tweezers. i pulled and pulled. the tick weren't a budgin'.
"screw you," quoth i, and pulled her out of there...
at least i pulled the abdomen part out. her head stayed in place. the web made it clear that the head should not stay in my body.
OTHERS JOIN THE EMBATTLED JANX IN HIS ORDEAL AGAINST THE TICK
"that's not coming out."
my mother is digging in my skin with tweezers and a needle. the tick's head is resolute in its determination to stay in place.
some mothers may be too squeamish to undertake such an enterprise. however my mother,
1) while in college, dissected an entire cat and reassembled its bones
2) stuck her hand in a fish tank filled with mosquitos to see the effects of... honestly, i have no idea what she was trying to achieve
... i assume these actvities had something to do with her studies.
after many minutes of probing my tick wound, we gave up.
"let it get a little infected, perhaps the puss will free it from its place," she said, "and if not, go see a doctor to get it removed."
also she said, "i want to do some research on the internet."
she called me the next day to inform me
1) not only had i tried to remove the tick in a manner befitting a buffoon
2) the tick head had to come out right away
3) as my mother, she was very concerned about this
i told her that my cousin monkeynaut was coming in town, so a visit to the doctor would not be happening soon. monday at the earliest.
IS IT HOT IN HERE?
i put neosporin on the wound. i took advil. a burning sensation came from the wound.
though the air conditioning was on, i was hot.
after a weekend of frivolity with the cousin and her friend (which, in part, involved my getting on stage and singing with the band at Srubb's Gospel Brunch), i looked at the wound in the mirror. it was red, but didn't look any worse to me.
"it's MUCH worse," my mother said, a serious look on her face.
A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL EXAMINES THE WOUND
i went to the local doc in a box. i filled out the paperwork and sat in the waiting room. having actually prepared for this visit, i was reading my book, settled in for hours of waiting. after a few pages a woman opened the waiting room door.
"mr. the janx? follow me."
she informed me i had a low-grade fever. my blood pressure was fine. she and i discussed tick maladies and species of ticks in the united states. she told me the doctor would be in soon.
i opened my book, read a few words, and the doctor stepped through the curtains.
our imagined course of action, my mother and i, was that the doctor would do some sort of light surgery, using a cutting implement to remove the tick head.
"it's scabbed over, so i am not going to try and remove it," he said, "the body is already dissolving it. i'm going to give you an antibiotic and some topical cream."
less than a minute with the doctor. "90 dollars, thank you."
JANX REPORTS FROM THE MIDST OF TREATMENT
the spot, which was inflamed, seems to be getting smaller. it still hurts some. i have taken it easy this week, getting lots of rest. i still feel pretty blah. i have seven more days of medication to go.
oh yes, a campout sounds like lots of fun.
"we'll have a campfire!"
"bring lots of marshmallows!"
"we'll tell ghost stories!"
but camping carries heavy consequences. check yourselves, campers, when you come home from the woods.
since i can find no government sponsored tick information campaign, i have come up with my own slogan.
"check for ticks, don't get sick!"
i think that would sound very catchy with a hip hop beat behind it.
a couple of weeks ago, one of these moles got sore. i felt underneath my arm and i could tell that it was doing something sort of strange. it was sticking out pretty far.
"i should do something about that, maybe get someone to look at it," thought i.
a couple of nights later, it was causing me so much pain that i had trouble sleeping.
in the morning, i held up my arm to see what was going on.
"holy cow," i said gazing in the mirror in bewilderment, "it's gone black."
a moment more...
"ah. gross. it's a big old dog tick."
i'd been camping a couple of weeks before, you see, and somewhere along the way had picked this little lady up. it was a chick tick. i did the research.
HOW TO REMOVE A TICK
common wisdom, i remembered, was to hold a flame to the tick. this would, i was told, cause the tick to let go. not having ever had a tick that i could remember, i am sure i did, we played outside all the time, i had no practical experience.
i pulled out my trusty scripto Aim N Flame (fig 1a) and took it into the bathroom.
fig 1a
the application of the flame to the tick rendered no results. no results beyond my burning a lot of my underarm hair off and barbecuing my skin. surrounded by the stench of singed hair and the sting of having burned my flesh, i tried a more direct approach.
i held a pair of tweezers directly into the flame (fig 2a), heating them up until they began to burn my fingers.
fig 2a
alas, the tick stayed stubbornly in place.
THE JANX USES THE VAST RESOURCES OF THE WEB TO DETERMINE THE PROPER FORM OF TICK REMOVAL, OLD WIVES TALES HAVING PROVEN FRUITLESS
according to webmd, this is how you remove a tick:
"Use fine-tipped tweezers to remove a tick. If tweezers are not available, use your fingers after covering them with gloves or tissue paper. Do not handle the tick with bare hands.
Grasp the tick as close to its mouth (the part that is stuck in your skin) as you can. The body of the tick will be above your skin.
Do not grasp the tick around its bloated abdomen. You might push infected fluid from the tick into your body if you squeeze it.
Pull the tick straight out until its mouth lets go of your skin. Do not twist or "unscrew" the tick. This may separate the head from the body."
also it said,
"Do not try to burn the tick while it is attached to your skin."
i used the tweezers. i pulled and pulled. the tick weren't a budgin'.
"screw you," quoth i, and pulled her out of there...
at least i pulled the abdomen part out. her head stayed in place. the web made it clear that the head should not stay in my body.
OTHERS JOIN THE EMBATTLED JANX IN HIS ORDEAL AGAINST THE TICK
"that's not coming out."
my mother is digging in my skin with tweezers and a needle. the tick's head is resolute in its determination to stay in place.
some mothers may be too squeamish to undertake such an enterprise. however my mother,
1) while in college, dissected an entire cat and reassembled its bones
2) stuck her hand in a fish tank filled with mosquitos to see the effects of... honestly, i have no idea what she was trying to achieve
... i assume these actvities had something to do with her studies.
after many minutes of probing my tick wound, we gave up.
"let it get a little infected, perhaps the puss will free it from its place," she said, "and if not, go see a doctor to get it removed."
also she said, "i want to do some research on the internet."
she called me the next day to inform me
1) not only had i tried to remove the tick in a manner befitting a buffoon
2) the tick head had to come out right away
3) as my mother, she was very concerned about this
i told her that my cousin monkeynaut was coming in town, so a visit to the doctor would not be happening soon. monday at the earliest.
IS IT HOT IN HERE?
i put neosporin on the wound. i took advil. a burning sensation came from the wound.
though the air conditioning was on, i was hot.
after a weekend of frivolity with the cousin and her friend (which, in part, involved my getting on stage and singing with the band at Srubb's Gospel Brunch), i looked at the wound in the mirror. it was red, but didn't look any worse to me.
"it's MUCH worse," my mother said, a serious look on her face.
A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL EXAMINES THE WOUND
i went to the local doc in a box. i filled out the paperwork and sat in the waiting room. having actually prepared for this visit, i was reading my book, settled in for hours of waiting. after a few pages a woman opened the waiting room door.
"mr. the janx? follow me."
she informed me i had a low-grade fever. my blood pressure was fine. she and i discussed tick maladies and species of ticks in the united states. she told me the doctor would be in soon.
i opened my book, read a few words, and the doctor stepped through the curtains.
our imagined course of action, my mother and i, was that the doctor would do some sort of light surgery, using a cutting implement to remove the tick head.
"it's scabbed over, so i am not going to try and remove it," he said, "the body is already dissolving it. i'm going to give you an antibiotic and some topical cream."
less than a minute with the doctor. "90 dollars, thank you."
JANX REPORTS FROM THE MIDST OF TREATMENT
the spot, which was inflamed, seems to be getting smaller. it still hurts some. i have taken it easy this week, getting lots of rest. i still feel pretty blah. i have seven more days of medication to go.
oh yes, a campout sounds like lots of fun.
"we'll have a campfire!"
"bring lots of marshmallows!"
"we'll tell ghost stories!"
but camping carries heavy consequences. check yourselves, campers, when you come home from the woods.
since i can find no government sponsored tick information campaign, i have come up with my own slogan.
"check for ticks, don't get sick!"
i think that would sound very catchy with a hip hop beat behind it.