feeling hurt on the holidays
well, it's been a while, still no ponying. So here's another vanilla life posting...
Not trying to do an "oh, woe is me" post, but I feel pretty hurt right now.
Had an odd Christmas. Three of them. The first was with my dad who made me feel like I was simply a visitor coming in. I feel as if he's been ignoring me and pushing me away as his daughter and instead just helping his step son, his wife and their three kids all the time.
Now I've been helping them with thier cat Charlie. I've been taking him to the vet a few times a few months ago (when I didn't have cash to spend on other things besides bills), because they told me they would pay me back, and have been telling me for some time now. Then, the other night dad called me up and says they don't have to pay me their half of the vet bills ($95 or so) because them buying the cat food makes up for it... WTF? Charlie (as much as I love that cat) is their cat, not mine. I've taken him in from them a few times when they have told me that they where putting him down because they where moving and it was an inconveinience to them.. so I saved Charlie's life and took care of him for a a month and ahalf, then they wanted him back after a month and a half. (Lucky I stopped them from selfishly putting him down, so they could HAVE him back)
I was so hurt by how dad told me, that I didn't fight back and tell him how wrong that was to do to me in this time of need, plus I didn't want his Christmas sucking because they had to worry about paying me or anything.... So I haven't told them how I feel about it yet.. but I will soon.
Then on the 24th I went to their house as they acted like they wanted me there, so I came. they told me specifically that the party didn't start til 6:30 pm so I arrived at 6:20 or so, and everyone had opened their presents already.
I didn't receive any gifts from my dad at all. I know it's not about the gifts, and I'm not trying to sound all selfish here. I understand they are poor people, just like I am. But seriously, they went all out using money they didn't have for gifts to the three children of my step brother (Chris) and then gifted my step brother and his wife (Melissa), and even some other lady who came over and her kid. yet, his own daughter got nada. SERIOUSLY, WTF IS THAT SHIT?????!!!!
That on top of he's always helping out Chris and Melissa when they don't even want to help themselves. And here I struggle, yet when I ask for help (not even money most the time) They don't have the time, or they just don't want to.
It hurts me so bad that he's like this, then he always guilt trips me when I don't call him for over a week after he's hurt me by one thing or another.
My other two holidays wher good, I was surrounded by friends and we had a good feast. I know People say "Friends are the new family." and all that shit,but when your own family doesn't give a flying fuck, it still bothers ya deep down and eats away.
Friday night one of my rattys died. His name was Kashi and he was getting old (3 years!) for the past week, he's been getting worse, stopped eating, eventualy stopped drinking. I was gone for two days because of xmas, and my boyfriend wanted to stay home with him. Kashi lasted and Heath was surprized he hung on for as long as he did.
I came home friday night surprized myself to see he was still breathing. So I picked him up and layed him in my lap just waiting for him to go. He kept on struggling, he really wanted to live, he had so much fight in him in his passing. I snuggled my face up to him and kissed him and made my soft clicky noises, and told him that it was okay to die, he didn't need to hang on for us (He was a very loving rat and fought long and hard to keep going, when it was abvious he was starting to suffer the last day. After a good hour or so, of me kuddling him securely and us both getting him stoned to ease some of his discomfort (getting him stoned helped him out quite alot, he didn't struggle so much to stay with us after that).
He finally had a long seizure while I held him snuggly so he wouldn't flop around so bad, and passed away. I was so thankful he finally passed away. Vet offices where closed, the hour was late, and I dind't have the heart to kill him myself.
Mooch is all alone now, but he's an odd ratty. He's pretty piggy and really has an uncaring attitude. so now that he's getting more attention, he seems to be happier. he's such a piggy.
Not trying to do an "oh, woe is me" post, but I feel pretty hurt right now.
Had an odd Christmas. Three of them. The first was with my dad who made me feel like I was simply a visitor coming in. I feel as if he's been ignoring me and pushing me away as his daughter and instead just helping his step son, his wife and their three kids all the time.
Now I've been helping them with thier cat Charlie. I've been taking him to the vet a few times a few months ago (when I didn't have cash to spend on other things besides bills), because they told me they would pay me back, and have been telling me for some time now. Then, the other night dad called me up and says they don't have to pay me their half of the vet bills ($95 or so) because them buying the cat food makes up for it... WTF? Charlie (as much as I love that cat) is their cat, not mine. I've taken him in from them a few times when they have told me that they where putting him down because they where moving and it was an inconveinience to them.. so I saved Charlie's life and took care of him for a a month and ahalf, then they wanted him back after a month and a half. (Lucky I stopped them from selfishly putting him down, so they could HAVE him back)
I was so hurt by how dad told me, that I didn't fight back and tell him how wrong that was to do to me in this time of need, plus I didn't want his Christmas sucking because they had to worry about paying me or anything.... So I haven't told them how I feel about it yet.. but I will soon.
Then on the 24th I went to their house as they acted like they wanted me there, so I came. they told me specifically that the party didn't start til 6:30 pm so I arrived at 6:20 or so, and everyone had opened their presents already.
I didn't receive any gifts from my dad at all. I know it's not about the gifts, and I'm not trying to sound all selfish here. I understand they are poor people, just like I am. But seriously, they went all out using money they didn't have for gifts to the three children of my step brother (Chris) and then gifted my step brother and his wife (Melissa), and even some other lady who came over and her kid. yet, his own daughter got nada. SERIOUSLY, WTF IS THAT SHIT?????!!!!
That on top of he's always helping out Chris and Melissa when they don't even want to help themselves. And here I struggle, yet when I ask for help (not even money most the time) They don't have the time, or they just don't want to.
It hurts me so bad that he's like this, then he always guilt trips me when I don't call him for over a week after he's hurt me by one thing or another.
My other two holidays wher good, I was surrounded by friends and we had a good feast. I know People say "Friends are the new family." and all that shit,but when your own family doesn't give a flying fuck, it still bothers ya deep down and eats away.
Friday night one of my rattys died. His name was Kashi and he was getting old (3 years!) for the past week, he's been getting worse, stopped eating, eventualy stopped drinking. I was gone for two days because of xmas, and my boyfriend wanted to stay home with him. Kashi lasted and Heath was surprized he hung on for as long as he did.
I came home friday night surprized myself to see he was still breathing. So I picked him up and layed him in my lap just waiting for him to go. He kept on struggling, he really wanted to live, he had so much fight in him in his passing. I snuggled my face up to him and kissed him and made my soft clicky noises, and told him that it was okay to die, he didn't need to hang on for us (He was a very loving rat and fought long and hard to keep going, when it was abvious he was starting to suffer the last day. After a good hour or so, of me kuddling him securely and us both getting him stoned to ease some of his discomfort (getting him stoned helped him out quite alot, he didn't struggle so much to stay with us after that).
He finally had a long seizure while I held him snuggly so he wouldn't flop around so bad, and passed away. I was so thankful he finally passed away. Vet offices where closed, the hour was late, and I dind't have the heart to kill him myself.
Mooch is all alone now, but he's an odd ratty. He's pretty piggy and really has an uncaring attitude. so now that he's getting more attention, he seems to be happier. he's such a piggy.