(no subject)
My lord. Ex partners should just fleetle away from existance.
That is a nice sentiment, but I only say it, without meaning it. Fact is, I really wish I was on speaking terms with my ex-girlfriend. She was the first person that I KNEW that she loved me. Not just "I love you as a boyfriend" thing... but rather a total devotion to me and my happiness. It is bizarre and unerving to talk about it like this, but it is the truth as far as I know it. She was the one person that I knew I could completely trust with my life.
Obviuosly, I fucked it up. She went very quickly from having me be the center of her life to not returning my calls. The ins and outs of this whole fiasco are novel worthy, and I won't bore the readership of this journal with the details. Suffice to say that in 7 years, two people share a lot of stuff.
She was a muso. Fucking musos. I feel I have some valid point on saying that, being as though I was one of them, and they have constituted a fair portion of the people that I surround myself with. Amateur musicians seem to be balanced enough. But professionals... boy.. there is allways issues. Partly because you just have to disconnect yourself from things... and practise your 8 hours plus a day. But it is more than that.. the determinism and complete and utter drive are terrifying to me. It gets to a point where it is no longer about enjoying music... it is about the competition, and the attention whoring. I am not comfortable with that, and I tend to look down on it these days.
So, her idiot boyfriend (he is an idiot because from what I gather, he is very much like me) is having a concert. I suggest anyone that likes classical saxophone (yeppers, you heard it... that is the kind of dick-snot he is), I have the details of what is a VERY good performer (if only he didn't have a dick in the place of his heart).
Damn, why can't things be simplier? I don't seem to go a day without feeling hurt that she no longer talks to me. Little things seem to trigger it. She, on the other hand, can do it so very easily. I thought that perhaps she'd let go of her callculating ways. I guess not.
That is a nice sentiment, but I only say it, without meaning it. Fact is, I really wish I was on speaking terms with my ex-girlfriend. She was the first person that I KNEW that she loved me. Not just "I love you as a boyfriend" thing... but rather a total devotion to me and my happiness. It is bizarre and unerving to talk about it like this, but it is the truth as far as I know it. She was the one person that I knew I could completely trust with my life.
Obviuosly, I fucked it up. She went very quickly from having me be the center of her life to not returning my calls. The ins and outs of this whole fiasco are novel worthy, and I won't bore the readership of this journal with the details. Suffice to say that in 7 years, two people share a lot of stuff.
She was a muso. Fucking musos. I feel I have some valid point on saying that, being as though I was one of them, and they have constituted a fair portion of the people that I surround myself with. Amateur musicians seem to be balanced enough. But professionals... boy.. there is allways issues. Partly because you just have to disconnect yourself from things... and practise your 8 hours plus a day. But it is more than that.. the determinism and complete and utter drive are terrifying to me. It gets to a point where it is no longer about enjoying music... it is about the competition, and the attention whoring. I am not comfortable with that, and I tend to look down on it these days.
So, her idiot boyfriend (he is an idiot because from what I gather, he is very much like me) is having a concert. I suggest anyone that likes classical saxophone (yeppers, you heard it... that is the kind of dick-snot he is), I have the details of what is a VERY good performer (if only he didn't have a dick in the place of his heart).
Damn, why can't things be simplier? I don't seem to go a day without feeling hurt that she no longer talks to me. Little things seem to trigger it. She, on the other hand, can do it so very easily. I thought that perhaps she'd let go of her callculating ways. I guess not.