August 22, 2008 [friday]
Now it’s the same situation. I am running the marathon against my self pity and my depression. I know giving up is so easy and all I have to do is to stop and all the suffer and all the pain will just go away. I know my brain is playing tricks on me and I know it wants me to stop because it has too much toxic chemicals and it couldn’t take it any long-so it wants me to stop. But I can’t. I can’t just be a coward to stop and to give up, and I am not going to say “yes” to the temptation of giving up. I have been though worse situations than this and every time I was nothing but strong and resilient until the end. This time it should be no difference. I can be strong, I can say “no” to the tricks my brain is playing on me, I am going to stick around, and I going to be happy and love the person who loves me the most, giving him happiness he deserves.
I declare war to my unhappy self and I am not going to lose the war because I know how precious life is and how incredibly wonderful to have finally found the person that I had waited my whole life for. Stupid and unhappy self just wants to self-destruct and once again convince me that I am not deserving to be loved and the person who’s supposed to love and protect me will just leave me like everybody else in my life. But I say NO, NO, NO!!!!! I am NOT going to believe this stupid self any more, I am, however, going to be happy and make people around me happy, especially the one who deserves the most. I am NOT going to just leave, leaving the world behind and leaving the one I love behind, because deep down I know the world wouldn’t be a better place without me and the one I love wouldn’t be a happier man without me. I declare war against myself. I am, from now on, believing nothing but the truth that he loves me and I deserve to be loved. Nobody is going to leave me and nobody is going to hurt me.
Thing have been so unhappy for so long, how about try some happiness from now on? Put on a smiley face and just be happy for a change!
I declare war to my unhappy self and I am not going to lose the war because I know how precious life is and how incredibly wonderful to have finally found the person that I had waited my whole life for. Stupid and unhappy self just wants to self-destruct and once again convince me that I am not deserving to be loved and the person who’s supposed to love and protect me will just leave me like everybody else in my life. But I say NO, NO, NO!!!!! I am NOT going to believe this stupid self any more, I am, however, going to be happy and make people around me happy, especially the one who deserves the most. I am NOT going to just leave, leaving the world behind and leaving the one I love behind, because deep down I know the world wouldn’t be a better place without me and the one I love wouldn’t be a happier man without me. I declare war against myself. I am, from now on, believing nothing but the truth that he loves me and I deserve to be loved. Nobody is going to leave me and nobody is going to hurt me.
Thing have been so unhappy for so long, how about try some happiness from now on? Put on a smiley face and just be happy for a change!