..its whiny....you've been warned.
so I leave for israel next thursday. thats really fucking soon. i have most of my stuff ready to be packed and now its just that waiting till its time to go.
and it sucks because ive been in one of those blah moods lately. probably because im a little bit nervous for a few reasons. a)im going to be in a forgein (sp?) county, that isnt exactly stable, b) im going with my brother and i hope we dont get into one of those really embarasssing fights like at the fob concert and c) i have to leave my family and friends for 5 weeks, which i did all the time at camp...but this time it feels different. im going farther away and i wont be able to contact people really and...theres JD.
everytime i think about leaving..well leaving JD i start to cry, and i dont really know why, i mean yes of course im going to miss him but i dont know for some reason it makes me really sad. its not like i need him to be happy, he def. helps but i have other freinds, even freinds on the trip...but at the same time im going to miss him so much and the start of me going away now only leads to camp michigania after israel and then moving up to school..and its sort of overwhelming. i wish i could spend so much more time with him this next week and a half before i go, but unfortunatly we both have other commitments and stuff..and i just feel like i need to spend time with im right now cuz its running out..and i dont know...this probably doesnt make much sense. but eh. wahtever. i think what i really need right now is a hug.
and i really want to be excited right now, i mean i am really fucking excited. its the trip of a lifetime, i cant wait to go, but at the same time...i dont want to have to leave behind things. and i know that im comming home and things will most likely be the same..but i dont know. its sorta hard to feel the excitement when all i can do is think about how much im going to miss him..
mouse.
and it sucks because ive been in one of those blah moods lately. probably because im a little bit nervous for a few reasons. a)im going to be in a forgein (sp?) county, that isnt exactly stable, b) im going with my brother and i hope we dont get into one of those really embarasssing fights like at the fob concert and c) i have to leave my family and friends for 5 weeks, which i did all the time at camp...but this time it feels different. im going farther away and i wont be able to contact people really and...theres JD.
everytime i think about leaving..well leaving JD i start to cry, and i dont really know why, i mean yes of course im going to miss him but i dont know for some reason it makes me really sad. its not like i need him to be happy, he def. helps but i have other freinds, even freinds on the trip...but at the same time im going to miss him so much and the start of me going away now only leads to camp michigania after israel and then moving up to school..and its sort of overwhelming. i wish i could spend so much more time with him this next week and a half before i go, but unfortunatly we both have other commitments and stuff..and i just feel like i need to spend time with im right now cuz its running out..and i dont know...this probably doesnt make much sense. but eh. wahtever. i think what i really need right now is a hug.
and i really want to be excited right now, i mean i am really fucking excited. its the trip of a lifetime, i cant wait to go, but at the same time...i dont want to have to leave behind things. and i know that im comming home and things will most likely be the same..but i dont know. its sorta hard to feel the excitement when all i can do is think about how much im going to miss him..
mouse.