Thoughts
Things I want to talk about:
- this book I read (SERIOUS BUSINESS, could be trigger-y) (Everything after this: less serious business)
- uni
subset: how dumb people are, how dumb I am
- my ridiculous schedule
- how much cross-institutional study sucks
- this book I read
So I was reading this book. A quite good book, lots of characters, well developed, intricate and interwoven story lines, basically, just a good yarn. I was enjoying it. I thought it was just a bit of fluff (though 1 bajillion pages long), and it was good.
And then.
Some of the events started to hint at a more sinister past. And even though I was reading the signs, I was desperately hoping I was wrong. Then I came to the scene. The rape scene, having occurred in past, and drastically changed these characters' lives. It was jarring.
Afterwards I was angry. When I poked that, I realised there were three reasons for this:
1. I thought I was reading fluff! I wanted happy, lighthearted, fun, everyone-gets-together-has-lots-of-sex-and-babies-and-fun FLUFF. And it turned all sinister, all dark and scary and rape-y. I felt misled. :(
2. Then I was angry at myself. Rape happens. It's part of life (maddeningly, frighteningly, scarily truthfully), and this was a story about life, including the bad and nasty bits. And how dare I be bummed out about it - or rather, why wasn't I bummed out about it all the time? Rape is scary and horrifying and HAPPENING ALL THE TIME, whether I think about it or not!
3. Then I was just angry about rape, as I feel pretty much anyone would be. Rape is scary and horrifying, and the most horrifying is that it happens. My dearest hope for the future would be that students of history could come across the term "rape" in a textbook, and not know what it meant. Be horrified to find out what it /does/ mean, because that doesn't happen anymore. Sadly, I'm not sure that that can happen. But I have hope.
This book was good, because it wasn't just about that rape happened. It includes responses to rape, from the victim's friends and family, from her husband and her workmates, from the police and the community. And they weren't nice responses. They were fucking horrible! The police suggested (it happened when she came back from her honeymoon) that she'd just done "the deed" with her ex-boyfriend and felt guilty about it afterwards, and that's why she cried rape. Her workmates and friens thought she must be lying, because the guy - David - was such a nice guy, he couldn't possibly do that sort of thing. It was disgusting. I wanted to vomit. The worst part is, that it truly really happens like this.
There were statistics: one in ten reported rapes in Ireland (for that was the setting) make it to trial. They're convinced that many more happen but go unreported, probably because women fear the sorts of recriminations and responses above.
I had more to say, but I think that will cover it for now.
Have some less serious shit of mine to think about:
- uni
** how dumb people are
The first assignment for one of my classes is writing a blog (topic irrelevant for now). In the tute, people kept asking what a blog was, and how to write one. Seriously?
** how dumb I am
Two points here:
1. I feel like our lecturers/tutors are treating us like fucking morons, specifically in education. I feel like they are legitimately saying the same thing about six times over, and going into nasueating and unnecessary detail. It makes me sooooooo frustrated.
2. I had my Aboriginal Education and Policy class this morning, and I truly /did/ feel like a fucking moron. I know nothing! On the plus side, I do know that I know nothing, so I think I'm ahead here? My tutor keeps going on the point that we do know nothing - which is true - but that it's not necessarily our fault, but that of the system - probably also true - but sometimes I feel like she's still saying it judgementally. The way she talks, in our ridiculously large room, makes me feel like she's yelling at me, even though she's really not. And the assignments aren't really written very well in the course outline, but she did go through that, so... bonus?
- My ridiculous schedule
Entirely my own fault, as it always is. I'm really fucking busy. It's just kind of annoying. Why can't I say no more?
- Cross-institutional study sucks
Technically, I am lucky, because I did mine last year, and thus did not have to pay $50 to apply to do it. Unfortunately, the university requires that I provide official results of my courses, which I don't have, and which it costs me $16 for Macquarie University, and $25 for the University of South Australia. Plus postage/faxing/whatever. Assholes.
The end. I guess I sure had a lot to say. Sorry.
- this book I read (SERIOUS BUSINESS, could be trigger-y) (Everything after this: less serious business)
- uni
subset: how dumb people are, how dumb I am
- my ridiculous schedule
- how much cross-institutional study sucks
- this book I read
So I was reading this book. A quite good book, lots of characters, well developed, intricate and interwoven story lines, basically, just a good yarn. I was enjoying it. I thought it was just a bit of fluff (though 1 bajillion pages long), and it was good.
And then.
Some of the events started to hint at a more sinister past. And even though I was reading the signs, I was desperately hoping I was wrong. Then I came to the scene. The rape scene, having occurred in past, and drastically changed these characters' lives. It was jarring.
Afterwards I was angry. When I poked that, I realised there were three reasons for this:
1. I thought I was reading fluff! I wanted happy, lighthearted, fun, everyone-gets-together-has-lots-of-sex-and-babies-and-fun FLUFF. And it turned all sinister, all dark and scary and rape-y. I felt misled. :(
2. Then I was angry at myself. Rape happens. It's part of life (maddeningly, frighteningly, scarily truthfully), and this was a story about life, including the bad and nasty bits. And how dare I be bummed out about it - or rather, why wasn't I bummed out about it all the time? Rape is scary and horrifying and HAPPENING ALL THE TIME, whether I think about it or not!
3. Then I was just angry about rape, as I feel pretty much anyone would be. Rape is scary and horrifying, and the most horrifying is that it happens. My dearest hope for the future would be that students of history could come across the term "rape" in a textbook, and not know what it meant. Be horrified to find out what it /does/ mean, because that doesn't happen anymore. Sadly, I'm not sure that that can happen. But I have hope.
This book was good, because it wasn't just about that rape happened. It includes responses to rape, from the victim's friends and family, from her husband and her workmates, from the police and the community. And they weren't nice responses. They were fucking horrible! The police suggested (it happened when she came back from her honeymoon) that she'd just done "the deed" with her ex-boyfriend and felt guilty about it afterwards, and that's why she cried rape. Her workmates and friens thought she must be lying, because the guy - David - was such a nice guy, he couldn't possibly do that sort of thing. It was disgusting. I wanted to vomit. The worst part is, that it truly really happens like this.
There were statistics: one in ten reported rapes in Ireland (for that was the setting) make it to trial. They're convinced that many more happen but go unreported, probably because women fear the sorts of recriminations and responses above.
I had more to say, but I think that will cover it for now.
Have some less serious shit of mine to think about:
- uni
** how dumb people are
The first assignment for one of my classes is writing a blog (topic irrelevant for now). In the tute, people kept asking what a blog was, and how to write one. Seriously?
** how dumb I am
Two points here:
1. I feel like our lecturers/tutors are treating us like fucking morons, specifically in education. I feel like they are legitimately saying the same thing about six times over, and going into nasueating and unnecessary detail. It makes me sooooooo frustrated.
2. I had my Aboriginal Education and Policy class this morning, and I truly /did/ feel like a fucking moron. I know nothing! On the plus side, I do know that I know nothing, so I think I'm ahead here? My tutor keeps going on the point that we do know nothing - which is true - but that it's not necessarily our fault, but that of the system - probably also true - but sometimes I feel like she's still saying it judgementally. The way she talks, in our ridiculously large room, makes me feel like she's yelling at me, even though she's really not. And the assignments aren't really written very well in the course outline, but she did go through that, so... bonus?
- My ridiculous schedule
Entirely my own fault, as it always is. I'm really fucking busy. It's just kind of annoying. Why can't I say no more?
- Cross-institutional study sucks
Technically, I am lucky, because I did mine last year, and thus did not have to pay $50 to apply to do it. Unfortunately, the university requires that I provide official results of my courses, which I don't have, and which it costs me $16 for Macquarie University, and $25 for the University of South Australia. Plus postage/faxing/whatever. Assholes.
The end. I guess I sure had a lot to say. Sorry.