Maybe a positive note?
Hi, my name is Amie and I am going to try not to use this journal for just bitching. I think I should clue you in on what's been going on in my life as of late.
I am finally getting used to this 2 job thing... is it still rough? Yes and it ultimately will for awhile. I love my new job. I feel free to be who I actually am and want to be. I have my own style and have proven to be excited to continue doing good work.
Maybe, the whole having 2 jobs thing has changed an outlook I have on life. I don't look at myself the same way. I think I am completely different that what people remember me as. I am not who YOU want me to be. I am who I want to be.
Here is what has changed. I am on a mission to be at peace with myself and my surroundings. I am looking for something deeper in life than just working my ass off and making money. I have no desire to be in a relationship right now until I have worked on myself to the point where I am blissful beyond happy. I know it is hard to understand. I know who I have been in the past and I know I am still halfway there. I don't want to be living in that state right now. I hope everyone understands and wishes me well as opposed to telling me I am a fucking idiot.
here it is, laid out on the table, plain and simple for everyone to see.
I have been a hardcore vegetarian for just about 10 years now. That has and will not change, ever. But expanding on my vegetarian diet, I have realized it is more than just that, (a diet). Being a vegetarian is a lifestyle. It is an image to uphold. I love animals enough to not eat them, do I love them enough not to wear them? I am conflicted on this. Most of my shoes are synthetic, what about the ones that aren't? Anyway, I have added certain measures to my diet/lifestyle that I think I am finally getting used to. I slip every now and then, but I am still human. I have decided to give up a lot of sweets. I haven't had anything sweet in over a month. I have almost given up cokes/diet cokes. I just don't deal with the carbonation well anymore. Once a week is not bad considering what I used to go through. Now I am pretty much just drinking tea and water... gren tea to be exact. Green Tea is very high in antioxidants which increases the metabolism. I am not wanting to lose much weight, but enough so tht I feel happy with who I am. Keep that in mind, this is what it is all about.
I am also going to start doing yog in my bedroom, until I feel comfortable enough to take some classes with other people watching me bend in uncompromising positions. I am working my body from the inside out. I am cleansing my body, detox if you will.
As you can tell, it basically sounds like I am searching for my zen. I want to, I need to center myself (as if I know what all that shit is about). I just want to be happy on the inside and out, and in doing so I figure I have to work on the areas where I feel like I need improvement. People may not agree with me and that is your decision, but it is not going to change my mind... my quest.
Basically this hippie is finally going to be just that.. a big fat tree hugging hippie. I just want a peaceful lifestyle. I want to feel peacful.
Here's the kicker, something I said earlier about relationships. Don't get me wrong, I don't neccessarily want to be alone, but I don't want to be held back by another relationship that I am not sure if it will go anyhere. Plus, i am sure a relationship would last longer and have more meaning if I was happier with myself as opposed to looking for happiness from someone else. make sense? it should. We all need to do that.
Well enough words, I didn't realise this was panning out to be a long ass issue in a magazine or anything. Well, talk to you guys later in life or somewhere on here.
I am finally getting used to this 2 job thing... is it still rough? Yes and it ultimately will for awhile. I love my new job. I feel free to be who I actually am and want to be. I have my own style and have proven to be excited to continue doing good work.
Maybe, the whole having 2 jobs thing has changed an outlook I have on life. I don't look at myself the same way. I think I am completely different that what people remember me as. I am not who YOU want me to be. I am who I want to be.
Here is what has changed. I am on a mission to be at peace with myself and my surroundings. I am looking for something deeper in life than just working my ass off and making money. I have no desire to be in a relationship right now until I have worked on myself to the point where I am blissful beyond happy. I know it is hard to understand. I know who I have been in the past and I know I am still halfway there. I don't want to be living in that state right now. I hope everyone understands and wishes me well as opposed to telling me I am a fucking idiot.
here it is, laid out on the table, plain and simple for everyone to see.
I have been a hardcore vegetarian for just about 10 years now. That has and will not change, ever. But expanding on my vegetarian diet, I have realized it is more than just that, (a diet). Being a vegetarian is a lifestyle. It is an image to uphold. I love animals enough to not eat them, do I love them enough not to wear them? I am conflicted on this. Most of my shoes are synthetic, what about the ones that aren't? Anyway, I have added certain measures to my diet/lifestyle that I think I am finally getting used to. I slip every now and then, but I am still human. I have decided to give up a lot of sweets. I haven't had anything sweet in over a month. I have almost given up cokes/diet cokes. I just don't deal with the carbonation well anymore. Once a week is not bad considering what I used to go through. Now I am pretty much just drinking tea and water... gren tea to be exact. Green Tea is very high in antioxidants which increases the metabolism. I am not wanting to lose much weight, but enough so tht I feel happy with who I am. Keep that in mind, this is what it is all about.
I am also going to start doing yog in my bedroom, until I feel comfortable enough to take some classes with other people watching me bend in uncompromising positions. I am working my body from the inside out. I am cleansing my body, detox if you will.
As you can tell, it basically sounds like I am searching for my zen. I want to, I need to center myself (as if I know what all that shit is about). I just want to be happy on the inside and out, and in doing so I figure I have to work on the areas where I feel like I need improvement. People may not agree with me and that is your decision, but it is not going to change my mind... my quest.
Basically this hippie is finally going to be just that.. a big fat tree hugging hippie. I just want a peaceful lifestyle. I want to feel peacful.
Here's the kicker, something I said earlier about relationships. Don't get me wrong, I don't neccessarily want to be alone, but I don't want to be held back by another relationship that I am not sure if it will go anyhere. Plus, i am sure a relationship would last longer and have more meaning if I was happier with myself as opposed to looking for happiness from someone else. make sense? it should. We all need to do that.
Well enough words, I didn't realise this was panning out to be a long ass issue in a magazine or anything. Well, talk to you guys later in life or somewhere on here.