*insert script here*
Have you ever had such compassionate feelings for something or someone that it consumed your life? Or have you had something in your life that you weren't too sure about, but that you thought you loved what ever that object was?
Guys there may be a purpose to this entry.. but then again I am not sure.
I used to think I was so consumed with powerful emotions for Randy. Love? I thought they were. I still think they are. But apparent;y love is never enough in this society anymore. Was I crazy to ever believe that love could really save us all? My feelings for Randy engrossed me in such a powerful way, I really thought this was it. I thought Randy was my one true love and that we would be together forever. Without Randy I couldn't even see my life after that. I thought I would be empty without him. He was my everything.
Unfortunately all that mumbled bull shit is exactly what it is... bull shit. People, I have always believed in love, but now I believe in nothing. Love cnn't do anything to save us. It cannot make our lives happier... if anything it makes it worse. I know I am not the only who has loved and lost. I know I am the last to have loved and lost, but feeling it now, what were we thinking? Why would jump up nd willing do this to ourselves again? I plan on never doing this again. I want nothing to do with the subject of love.
But you know what? The worse thing is that up until now I have not cried. I think I am supposed to be sad over the loss of something great. BUt the truth is- I am not.
I keep thinking the tears will start any second now, that maybe this will all go away. That there is no reality behind this. That I will wake up and it will be all over. And so far it hasn't. The sad thing is though, that even if I were to wake up and it would be all over, it is not something I am sure I even want anymore.
I have to be the worse person in the world. I feel like all energy and emotions have been drained from my existance. I feel like I no longer exist. That I am invisible to all who is around me except the people that believe I am there. Which right now is no one. No one believes that I am here. I think the past two years have been defined by who I am with. And now that I am no longer with him I am defined by nothing. I have nothing that makes me ME anymore. I feel like I have nothing to liove for and that i is all my fault because I let myself get like this. I let myself lose my name.
Guys I have nothing left in me. I have nothing. I am completely alone and everyone else is off with their someone. This is not fair. I am back to where I started years ago when I joined the crew. No one wanted me then and no one wants me now.
Point proven. No one calls my cell phone for me anymore, they call for him. To even my friends he is more important than me. Everyone loves hiim more than they do me and you all are supposed to be my friends. So if you wonder why i am not allowing his friends or my friends to call him on MY cell ohone then now you know. I do not want to be second best to him and everyone is making me feel like that.
So not only did I lose the love of my life, I lost my friends too.
Guys there may be a purpose to this entry.. but then again I am not sure.
I used to think I was so consumed with powerful emotions for Randy. Love? I thought they were. I still think they are. But apparent;y love is never enough in this society anymore. Was I crazy to ever believe that love could really save us all? My feelings for Randy engrossed me in such a powerful way, I really thought this was it. I thought Randy was my one true love and that we would be together forever. Without Randy I couldn't even see my life after that. I thought I would be empty without him. He was my everything.
Unfortunately all that mumbled bull shit is exactly what it is... bull shit. People, I have always believed in love, but now I believe in nothing. Love cnn't do anything to save us. It cannot make our lives happier... if anything it makes it worse. I know I am not the only who has loved and lost. I know I am the last to have loved and lost, but feeling it now, what were we thinking? Why would jump up nd willing do this to ourselves again? I plan on never doing this again. I want nothing to do with the subject of love.
But you know what? The worse thing is that up until now I have not cried. I think I am supposed to be sad over the loss of something great. BUt the truth is- I am not.
I keep thinking the tears will start any second now, that maybe this will all go away. That there is no reality behind this. That I will wake up and it will be all over. And so far it hasn't. The sad thing is though, that even if I were to wake up and it would be all over, it is not something I am sure I even want anymore.
I have to be the worse person in the world. I feel like all energy and emotions have been drained from my existance. I feel like I no longer exist. That I am invisible to all who is around me except the people that believe I am there. Which right now is no one. No one believes that I am here. I think the past two years have been defined by who I am with. And now that I am no longer with him I am defined by nothing. I have nothing that makes me ME anymore. I feel like I have nothing to liove for and that i is all my fault because I let myself get like this. I let myself lose my name.
Guys I have nothing left in me. I have nothing. I am completely alone and everyone else is off with their someone. This is not fair. I am back to where I started years ago when I joined the crew. No one wanted me then and no one wants me now.
Point proven. No one calls my cell phone for me anymore, they call for him. To even my friends he is more important than me. Everyone loves hiim more than they do me and you all are supposed to be my friends. So if you wonder why i am not allowing his friends or my friends to call him on MY cell ohone then now you know. I do not want to be second best to him and everyone is making me feel like that.
So not only did I lose the love of my life, I lost my friends too.