chapter 6
Feeling more than a little emotional, tears blurred my vision as I typed an email to Zac. It was hard to believe it had been almost six months since he moved, and with his new job, we hadn’t kept in touch as much as I would have liked. Add the fact that things were deteriorating between my parents and the atmosphere was getting tenser every day, it had not been a good time for me. At least work kept me occupied, and I offered to take as many hours as possible to keep me away from home.
Hey Zac, I know you haven't heard from me in a while. Sorry about that, but I didn’t want to drag you down with my stuff. I feel like my life has been turned upside down. My mom threw me out of the house after we got in a huge fight a couple of weeks ago. I actually hit her. I know I was wrong, but her drinking has gotten so out of control that my father threatened to leave her.
Things aren’t helped by Kelly practically living here full time. You wouldn’t even think she had a husband anymore, and with her drinking issues, it’s no wonder most of my mother’s other friends stopped coming around.
I’m staying with Ethan and Ashley. They’ve been really awesome during all this and support me one-hundred percent. My mother’s calling Ethan, blaming us for the way her life turned out. Well, she was the one that decided to get married straight out of high school and have two kids, so how is that our fault? One of these days she’s going to see how toxic Kelly is as well, if she can get past the drinking.
I paused to wipe the tears from my face. I hadn’t intended to go into such detail with Zac, but now that I started, I couldn’t stop.
I don’t know if you’ve kept in touch with Becky. Honestly, once you left, things were never the same. She changed a lot and we kind of stopped hanging out. Her father got transferred four months ago so they moved about two hours from here. House was sold after they left and a couple with a newborn moved in. They’re nice, but all we do is say hello. So ... the situation went downhill from there. My mother and I were always arguing, and in a way, it was a relief to get away.
So anyway how's life going for you? I know your job keeps you busy, but if you get a chance, I’d love to hear from you. I really miss you and those talks we used to have. Hope we can get together soon. Love, Linds.
I was pretty shocked when I got a call a couple of hours later. I was taking a nap and couldn’t believe it when I saw Zac’s number displayed on the phone.
“Zac!” I said, overjoyed to hear his voice after so long. “How are you?”
“I’m great, Linds,” he said, “but I’m so sorry to hear about what’s been going on. Are you okay?”
“I’m feeling better now that I’m away from home,” I said, “but things could be better.”
"I can't believe this," Zac said. “I’m not surprised about Becky. I actually haven’t heard from her since I moved. Tried calling a couple of times but she never responded. Figured it was best to leave it alone. But you ... I’m sorry I never called. Things were so busy when I started ...”
“You don’t have to apologize,” I said.
Zac went silent for a moment. “Crazy bitch you fuck me soooooo gooooddd..."
I burst out laughing at a song I hadn’t heard in a long time. A smile broke through my tears.
"That’s more like it,” he said. "It’s good to hear you laugh. You deserve better. I know it’s easy for me to say that things are going to get better, but your mother will eventually realize that, though it may take longer than everyone thinks."
"Thanks, Zac,” I said. “You don’t know how much that means. Mom’s lost almost everything and everybody. We haven’t seen her since I left.”
“Maybe this is the wakeup call she needed, Linds. Sometimes it takes something drastic to make people appreciate what they have.”
Zac’s voice was like a soothing caress. I felt a sense of calmness settle in.
“I hope so,” I said. “The last few months have been hell.”
“Then promise you’ll be strong for me,” he said. “You’re a very special person in my life and I need you to be okay.”
I smiled. No one had ever told me such a thing before and I felt like Zac had literally reached through the phone and given me a big hug.
In a way, he had, because after that conversation, things began to look up ...
***
I lived with Ethan and Ashley for over a year while my mother straightened her life out. Things started getting back to normal, and I began to feel a lot better about myself and the situation. I continued to work at the bookstore, but Ethan and Ashley refused my attempts to contribute anything toward expenses. They were adamant that I had better uses for my money.
Then one afternoon, after waking up from a nap, I heard voices in the kitchen. Ethan and Ashley must have had visitors, so I took my time before checking things out.
And then I saw Zac, sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. He was clean shaven with short hair, and without his scruffy look I almost didn’t recognize him.
"Zac!" I cried.
"Why, hello there, Linds,” he said with a huge smile. “I just happened to be in the neighborhood and I thought I’d drop by."
He engulfed me in a hug, and I gripped him with all my strength.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I mumbled against his chest.
“I’ve missed you even more,” he said.
From the corner of my eye I noticed Ethan and Ashley grinning like jack-o-lanterns. Whether Zac really did just drop in or if it was planned, I didn’t care. I was only happy that I finally got to see my best friend again.
It’s funny how time never seemed to budge when I was sad or upset, but whenever I was happy or excited, it always flew by. That afternoon went by in the blink of an eye. Zac and I talked for hours about his job. Though he loved it, his seven p.m. to seven a.m. shift left him no time for anything else, and was the main reason he hadn’t come to visit sooner. I almost cried when he had to leave, but even as I watched him drive away, I knew something had evolved between us ... I just didn’t know what.
***
A few months after Zac visited, I finally moved back home. I couldn’t believe the difference with my mother. She and my father had finally sorted out a lot of their issues, but the most important change was that I no longer had to deal with Kelly. My mother had finally seen the real side of her so-called friend after she caught Kelly in a lie about another one of their friends whom she accused of smoking pot. When Mom finally confronted her, all hell broke and when Kelly stormed out of the house, it was the last time anyone saw her.
It was a wakeup call for everyone, and my mother apologized for her behavior. I could only hope she learned a lesson, but knowing my mother and her penchant for picking the worst in friends, I had a feeling she’d find another stray to bring home at some point.
Though I kept in touch with Zac, he didn’t have an opportunity to visit again, and I found myself really missing him. One Saturday evening I was on the deck with my parents having a cookout. It was getting a little chilly so I went inside to get a jacket.
When I got back to the deck, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Zac sitting by the fire pit roasting a hotdog. My mother had said earlier in the day there might be a special delivery for me, but I had no idea she meant a visitor.
"Zac!” I cried.
"Care for a Zac special?” he asked with a smile as he set the hot dog on a plate.
He smothered me in a hug, but this time I couldn’t stop tears of happiness rolling down my face.
“It’s been so long,” I said after we finally settled down to eat and talk.
My parents suddenly decided they wanted to watch something on TV they’ve been waiting to see, and very conveniently disappeared. Of course I knew they did it on purpose, but I was grateful for the time we were able to spend alone.
We spent the rest of the evening talking about Zac’s job. Though he loved it, he had no social life, and a relationship he had started with one of the office staff soon ended due to conflicting schedules. Too soon he had to leave, and the emotions I felt watching him drive away were even stronger than before. I wondered if this was how our relationship was destined to be ...
***
For the next two years, things went pretty smoothly and I finally felt like my life had gotten back to normal. I was still working at the bookstore, but by now I had become the assistant manager and was earning better money.
I even had my first real relationship with an old childhood friend of mine from middle school. Danny had moved away after graduating from high school, and as it always seems to happen with long distance relationships, we lost touch. Then one day he came into the bookstore. When we saw each other we couldn’t stop talking, but I was at work so we agreed to meet for lunch to catch up. He was always cute, with brown hair and hazel eyes, but now that he had matured, he was quite good looking.
Little by little our relationship evolved, and for the first seven months things were wonderful. We spent as much time as possible together until one afternoon when we were having lunch at the mall, I noticed a nervous-looking blonde girl watching us. When Danny saw her, he made an excuse and went to talk to her, but I could tell by their behavior that they had some history.
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach when Danny returned and sure enough, he confessed that he was still seeing her. He apologized and said that while he liked the other girl, he realized he liked me better but didn’t know how to break it off with her.
Because I really liked Danny, I decided to give him another chance because I thought everyone deserved at least that much, but when I discovered that he was still seeing the other girl, I realized he probably never had any intention of breaking it off with her so I ended it.
I guess I was more upset about it than I realized, because after that my back started giving me some real issues at work. Maybe it was also the stress and tension from leaving Danny, but I found that no matter what I did I couldn’t get comfortable. After long day at work, I’d go home and soak in a hot bath, which at least helped.
That weekend I visited Ethan and Ashley. I hadn’t seen them in a while and I thought the break would help clear my mind. Over dinner we began chatting about my mother’s newest best friend, Stacy.
"So what do you think about Stacy?” I asked.
“Not a fan,” Ethan said. “I don’t know what the hell it is about Mom but she seems to attract the users and losers.”
“I still remember all that hassle with Kelly,” Ashley said. “I hope we’re not back to that again.”
I shrugged. “Stacy’s already gotten on the bad side of Mom’s other friends,” I said. “I just don’t want to go through all this pettiness anymore. Also, I don’t want Mom to start up with the drinking. You guys are lucky. At least you’re away from it all.”
We sat drinking our coffee for a moment. When Ethan’s phone rang, he glanced at the caller and rose from the table.
“Got to take this,” he said. “Be back in a sec.”
"Any word from Zac?” Ashley asked as Ethan stepped out of the dining room. “He really is a great guy.”
At the mention of his name I just beamed. I guess there was no point in hiding my feelings for him anymore, but I knew his work was the most important thing to him at the moment.
"He emailed me the other day,” I said. “Job’s going great and he adopted a bulldog pup called Max.”
"He dating anyone?" Ashley asked.
"He hasn’t mentioned anything. Honestly, he’s so busy I don’t think he has time to breathe.”
Ashley’s smile grew wider.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked with a grin.
"I could totally see you two together.”
I felt myself grow red. “Ashley, I've told you there’s nothing between us. We’re only friends."
"Lindsey Marie Harrison," Ashley said. “Who do you think you’re fooling? I’ve seen the way you look at Zac every time he comes by.”
I didn’t have an answer to that.
"Linds, he understands you better than anyone ever has. He’s a real gem."
"He’s been a real friend,” I admitted. “And he’s been there for me through every crisis, but I know he doesn’t feel that way toward me because he’s not the type to play around. If he wants something, he goes after it.”
"Not necessarily,” Ashley said. “Maybe he’s afraid of messing up an awesome friendship."
"Maybe," I said.
"You never know if you don't try,” Ashley said. “Maybe he’s waiting for you to make the first move.”
"Don’t try what?" Ethan asked as he returned to the dining room.
"Oh, nothing" Ashley said, winking at me. “Just girl talk.”
"What's wrong, Linds?" Ethan asked as he saw me wince in my chair.
"My back’s been bothering me for days,” I said. “I don't know what's wrong.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ethan asked. “You really looked like you were in pain.”
***
Sitting in the hospital waiting room three hours later, I began to feel really uncomfortable. No matter how I sat my back ached, and I could see how worried Ethan and Ashley were becoming.
"Lindsey, is that you?”
All of us turned at the same time to see Zac standing by the nurse’s station wearing in cartoon scrubs.
“Zac?” I said, my discomfort instantly subsiding.
"What's wrong?" he asked, rushing over to me.
"I think she might have torn a muscle in her back," Ethan said.
"Hey Sally,” Zac called out to an older nurse at the station. “Is room eight still empty?"
"For the moment,” Sally said, “but I don’t know how much longer for.”
“It’s taken now,” Zac said, wheeling me away with Ethan and Ashley following.
"I'll take care of you, Linds. Don't worry."
"Thanks so much, Zac," Ashley said as Zac wheeled me into an empty examination room. "I hope you don’t get in trouble for giving us special treatment."
"Don’t worry about it,” Zac said as he parked my chair beside the bed and carefully moved me onto it. As he did, I felt a stabbing pain in my back.
“Lindsey, do you have any idea what might have happened?”
“It’s been bothering me for a while now,” I said, wincing in pain. “I think I tweaked it moving from the couch to the chair at home, but I can’t be sure.”
“I’m going to find a doctor to see you right away,” Zac said. “Once he sees you he should be able to prescribe something for the pain. I’ll be right back.”
True to his word, Zac returned with an ER doctor a few minutes later. I don’t know how he got around it, but it wasn’t long before they sent me for an X-ray. Zac came along and stayed with me the entire time. Sure enough, it was a pulled back muscle, so when I returned to the examination room, Zac administered a muscle relaxant and a strong painkiller.
“The medication is going to make Lindsey drowsy,” Zac said to Ethan and Ashley, “so make sure she goes straight to bed when you get home.”
The medication not only made me drowsy, but suddenly very giggly. Everyone started to grin when they saw me staring at Zac like he was a piece of chocolate lava cake.
“I really feel so much better, Zac,” I said, laughing like a schoolgirl. “Really, really better.”
Ethan and Ashley grinned at Zac.
“She’ll sleep it off,” Zac said, as long as you don’t start telling each other jokes.”
At that, I burst into laughter. As Zac helped me back into my chair, I reached over and tucked a strand of hair back into his ponytail that he had grown back. Though he had cut his hair when he first got the job, hospital policy allowed him longer hair as long as it was kept out of the way.
"It's so soft," I said. “Zac has such great hair.”
"I'm sure he does,” Ethan said, glancing at a smiling Ashley. “What do you say we go get the car while Lindsey finishes up in here?”
“Good idea,” Ashley said, rising from her chair. “We’ll be waiting outside.”
I didn’t notice their hasty retreat, my gaze fixed solely on Zac.
"I love you, Zac,” I babbled, still toying with his hair. “I'm so happy I have you in my life."
"I love you, too, Linds,” he said. “You’ve been a wonderful friend to me over the years."
I shook my head when I realized he didn’t understand what I was trying to say.
"No, Zac. It’s more than that. I love you more than a friend. I'm in love with you and I think I always have been. I think you’re the one I've been wishing for all these years. You accept me as I am and you’re amazing at handling the crazy people I call my family."
Zac looked at me in a way that melted my heart. He was about to say something when a nurse stepped into the room.
“The doctor wanted a word with you before you release Miss Harrison,” she said.
“I’ll be back in a moment, Lindsey,” Zac said. “Maybe we can continue this conversation later.”
I guess I must have fallen asleep after he left, because the next thing I remembered was waking up in my bed. Had I dreamed the whole episode with Zac? But when I looked at the nightstand and saw my medication sitting next to a water bottle, I realized it was real ... and that I really had told Zac that I was in love with him.