Sep 28, 2006 12:45
Ok so things have been a little rough lately. THis is why...
I had an interview this morning for another job. I don't think it went too well...my schedule doesn't really allow too much flexibility. So I'm stuck yet again at Maryhurst.
I am getting behind on my Practicum site. I guess I was struck back to reality about the fact that I am now testing kids with real issues...not just the perceived normal ones so it takes a little longer.
I feel really discouraged about my life right now. Its like I cant really get ahead of it. I feel behind in my academics (although I am floating on the brim right now) and I have been looking for another job for over a year now and I have had no luck. I used to always get exactly what I wanted when it came to interviews. I always knew that if I got the interview I would get the job/position/spot. Now I feel like I go to interviews and afterwards I have to talk myself out of crying becuase I know that I am stuck at Maryhurst for LIFE! And I know that some people love the job...and I do like it....sometimes. I dont like to feel unsafe. And I dont like to feel stressed out because I dont know if I can get things done or not.
To make matters a tad more negative...I havent really been sleeping well lately. I have these extremely horrible nightmares and they are really realistic and I get scared to go back to sleep and get scared to stay up and see if they really were dreams or reality.
I just feel so down on myself right now...and then I know that I have to go to work and pretend like everything is okay because I am not there for me I am there for the kids and I get that part. It is just getting harder and harder to pretend like Im on top of the worls when Im not.