My Damn Broken Heart!!!
I can't believe how upset and sick to my stomach I am right now. I have known all along that they were back together but never had prove. Well her away message has confirmed it. After her going on and on about how she could never take him back because he hurt her and needing to move on with her life. Well she took him back just as I said she would. Little does she know he is still up to his old tricks of not paying his bills. You are prolly wondering how I know that but his stupid ass still has my email address on stuff. I forward him the email but I have a feeling he just deletes them. Last month after he changed his phone number and totally cut me off I was hurt but understood because I had been a total bitch. But I didn't understand him not having anything to do with Jacqueline's memorial service, going to get her ashes and planning a service for when we bury them this spring. Although as I type that I'm not suprised because he only thinks with his penis so the only thing on his mind was getting Bonnie back.
The part that bothers me the most is that I have let go and tried extremely hard to move on with my life but for some reason seeing her away message just brought me to tears and made me sick to the stomach. I have been extremely happy since I let go. I started hanging out with Stacy and Dana again after not really talking to them since high school. I have been on quite a few little but awesome trips. In fact on the trip to the Poconos I got to know Pat whom I had known for years because he is Stacy's Brother's best friend. And him and I have been talking ever since. In fact for the past week he has been coming over everynight after work to see me for a little while. He even brought me my all time favorite dinner the other night and I had never told him about what my favorite food was. Which means he had to of called Stacy and really thought about it. He is soo sweet. But like I said before him and I are taking it slow because my heart is still healing from this past year. And he is so understanding about everything which I think makes me love him more. When he stops by after work he says how it's okay if he can only stay for a few minutes because all that matters is getting to see me and getting a hug before going home. Although unless I'm tired or have something to do the next day we usually watch a movie or TV for a while. But we have only kissed a few times and I got flutters in my stomach each time. But I can't let that make me move to fast and he understands. We just cuddle on the futon which is nice. Plus then my pillow smells like him so it of course puts a smile on my face when I go to bed.
In typing this I think the reason I'm so bothered by being this upset is because I care for Pat soo much and want things to work out with us since I'm so happy. But I have also come to the conclusion that I'm upset because I will always care about Jer and I'm a worry wort that doesn't want to see him get hurt. I'm not saying Bonnie would hurt him intentionally but if she still is unsure of her feelings or taking him back then she could ultimately hurt him. But I have to not worry about him anymore. All I can do is hold that special place in my heart for him and wish him all the happiness in the world. So Jer if somehow you read this please know that I wish you all the happiness in the world and that you will always hold a special place in my heart in Thanks for all the wonderful things you did for me in the past 6 years. I also want you to know that I would love for you to be involved in the burying of Jacqueline's ashes this spring. But you can contact me if you would like to be involved. By the way I found that expensive Baseball card that you were looking for and accusing people of stealing. It was in your nightstand like I told you all along. And you probably think that I have trashed all your stuff or sold it but you couldn't be more wrong. I have packed it all up in one closet other then the furniture which I'm using for the time being. And if you would like your stuff then you are welcome to have it. I will never get rid of it no matter how much Mom yells because I know what it means to you.
Sorry I had to vent somewhere because it is way too early to be calling anyone. I'm going to attempt to go back to sleep for a little while. I'll be sure to write more later.
<3 Jess
The part that bothers me the most is that I have let go and tried extremely hard to move on with my life but for some reason seeing her away message just brought me to tears and made me sick to the stomach. I have been extremely happy since I let go. I started hanging out with Stacy and Dana again after not really talking to them since high school. I have been on quite a few little but awesome trips. In fact on the trip to the Poconos I got to know Pat whom I had known for years because he is Stacy's Brother's best friend. And him and I have been talking ever since. In fact for the past week he has been coming over everynight after work to see me for a little while. He even brought me my all time favorite dinner the other night and I had never told him about what my favorite food was. Which means he had to of called Stacy and really thought about it. He is soo sweet. But like I said before him and I are taking it slow because my heart is still healing from this past year. And he is so understanding about everything which I think makes me love him more. When he stops by after work he says how it's okay if he can only stay for a few minutes because all that matters is getting to see me and getting a hug before going home. Although unless I'm tired or have something to do the next day we usually watch a movie or TV for a while. But we have only kissed a few times and I got flutters in my stomach each time. But I can't let that make me move to fast and he understands. We just cuddle on the futon which is nice. Plus then my pillow smells like him so it of course puts a smile on my face when I go to bed.
In typing this I think the reason I'm so bothered by being this upset is because I care for Pat soo much and want things to work out with us since I'm so happy. But I have also come to the conclusion that I'm upset because I will always care about Jer and I'm a worry wort that doesn't want to see him get hurt. I'm not saying Bonnie would hurt him intentionally but if she still is unsure of her feelings or taking him back then she could ultimately hurt him. But I have to not worry about him anymore. All I can do is hold that special place in my heart for him and wish him all the happiness in the world. So Jer if somehow you read this please know that I wish you all the happiness in the world and that you will always hold a special place in my heart in Thanks for all the wonderful things you did for me in the past 6 years. I also want you to know that I would love for you to be involved in the burying of Jacqueline's ashes this spring. But you can contact me if you would like to be involved. By the way I found that expensive Baseball card that you were looking for and accusing people of stealing. It was in your nightstand like I told you all along. And you probably think that I have trashed all your stuff or sold it but you couldn't be more wrong. I have packed it all up in one closet other then the furniture which I'm using for the time being. And if you would like your stuff then you are welcome to have it. I will never get rid of it no matter how much Mom yells because I know what it means to you.
Sorry I had to vent somewhere because it is way too early to be calling anyone. I'm going to attempt to go back to sleep for a little while. I'll be sure to write more later.
<3 Jess