Now I'd Die for One More Day [FINISHED]

[thedaggersedge]

Characters: Garnet, Zidane, with a brief appearance by Raiel.
Content: For better or for worse, Garnet and Zidane meet to resolve the looming question; 'Where do we go from here?'
Location: An Internet Cafe somewhere on West 23rd.
Time: Evening, Immediately following Raiel and Garnet's conversation. Backdated to a few days after the end of the

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[pianistofraieln]

Music was there to help people, and as a musician it was Raiel's duty to fill a need where he saw it. Garnet was in need of courage, so he played a song for courage. He felt like it wasn't much (not nearly enough, nothing he did could be), but it was something. And, as he stood there, leaning against the wall, playing for her helped him forget his own apprehension about the situation.

When he heard the door open he stopped, gaze darting from his keys to the doorway. He pushed himself away from the wall, swinging his piano back to its carrying position from its playing position.

This was the guy. The all-important husband who was so conspicuously absent. Raiel's expression betrayed no trace of bitterness, though. It was the same pleasant smile that he usually wore. He looked to Garnet, saying, "Well, that's my cue to leave. I'll see you later, Garnet." He wanted to say more, but...it didn't seem appropriate in front of Zidane.

He would've tipped his hat as he walked past, but, hah, he'd forgotten it. So, Zidane just got a polite nod instead. And then Raiel stopped, staring, because Zidane had a tail.

[thedaggersedge]

If Garnet had not had her eyes closed, she would have seen him coming. As it was, the halt in the music, and the sound of his voice, were what tipped her off to Zidane's arrival. Her eyes opened, and her thunder heart wanted to leap out through her throat. For a single moment, she forgot why they were here, only that he was there, and oh, she had missed him so...

Raiel's voice caught her attention then, and she turned to him with a nod, and a watered down smile. She would have to thank him later. As he made for the exit, her eyes fell on Zidane once more.

[theherotail]

In a normal situation Zidane would have flaunted his tail a bit before Raiel. Instead, Zidane returned the nod silently, internally thankful that the other was leaving. Of course, that meant Dagger was looking his way, and he felt himself start to already shut down.

This was going to be harder than he initially thought.

How to start? He was the one who said they needed to talk. It didn't matter how much he actually didn't want to. Had to be done. Damn. Staving off his nerves, stuffing them behind his back, he took a few small steps awkwardly into the cafe, but still left quite a lot of distance between him and Dagger.

For the first time, his eyes met her own. "You're... been doing alright?" he ventured. Had to start a conversation somewhere; it was as good a place as any.

[pianistofraieln]

...Okay, okay, tail didn't mean mazoku, right, Kuja had a tail after all (maybe?) and he was okay and totally not mazoku at all. And Garnet knew the guy, so--so yeah, okay, everything was fine. But of course it made Raiel suspicious ANYWAY--ah, now was not the time.

He continued on (suspicious gaze on Zidane the whole time), and slipped silently out the door, leaving them alone together. And now...it was just finding someplace to settle in and wait for the result of their talk.

[thedaggersedge]

From the corner of her eye, Garnet watched Raiel leave, before turning her full attention on Zidane once more. In truth, she had not been doing 'well', but she supposed there was something to be said for still being in one piece. She still had her senses, could still walk, hadn't seen anyone die...

But the smudges under her eyes gave away her recent lack-of-sleep, and she she was still a bit on the thin side, as she had been when she arrived. The fact that her sweater was a size too large didn't help the image.

Still, she nodded mutely.

"As well as could be expected, I suppose."

[theherotail]

.... but she was only going to get worse. He already accepted that long before he showed up at the cafe. Depressed, furious... he expected Dagger to shift through several emotions before her abuse of him ended. But... that hardly made matters any better.

He wavered a bit, wondering to himself if standing or sitting would be a safer idea. Neither seemed appealing, really. He stayed on his feet, rubbing the back of his neck uneasily. Did she already know? He wasn't being very reassuring right now, was he...?

Proper conversation was failing him completely. Mentally he was grabbing at straws, trying to find a bit of assistance. The problem with fighting crabs on the way to the cafe was that he lost all his planning ahead. How did he talk to her?

Dropping the pseudo-conversation, he simply began softly, "...You'll never forgive me..." and the trailed off, biting his inner cheek.

[thedaggersedge]

Garnet thought she felt her heart stop. Her shoulders sagged, and her face along with them. No preamble, no light conversation...

No, no, don't jump to conclusions, she told herself, grasping for threads of hope. Let him finish. It might not be what you think.

Her fingers curled around the edge of her stool seat, elbows pressed in tightly against her ribs. Her mouth had gone dry, as had her lips, and she tried feebly to moisten them.

"...Why do you say that?" she whispered, high and cracking.

[theherotail]

He wanted light, simple conversation to them... like old times... but it just wouldn't come to him. His head was too filled with the situation to try and focus on much else, even if it's what he's been trying to do for the last few days.

Just as her shoulders sagged, his did as well. His eyes fell away for a few moments, and then he forced himself to raise his gaze to her again. His voice was shaky, but held enough meaning behind it. "I love you, Dagger. I will always, always love you. There's never been any doubt in my heart about that. Not once. But..."

His gaze wavers again and he has to clench a fist at his side to try and hold together his strength. "But you can't wait for me anymore... I'll always be here... but I don't want you waiting... It isn't fair for you."

[thedaggersedge]

Garnet didn't realize she was moving until she'd slid off the tool and felt the solid ground beneath her feet. Her knees barely held, and her hands propelled her forward. She was standing, she was bridging the gap between them, closing the space with each step.

Her breath caught in her throat, and her eyes fogged. She didn't know what she was doing, just that those were hands hands, and now they were cupping his face, forcing him to look her in the eye.

"Look at me," her voice quaked, and her lip quivered.

Still clinging to threads. "Zidane... please..."

[theherotail]

Zidane tilted his head against her feather touch, looking down into her eyes with a sad gaze of his own. Bit by bit he was taking her apart; that was not a victory for him, of course. He looked at her, but he couldn't ease her pain. She was close... there were few times in this city they really had been very close to one another. He would find an excuse to slip away too often... unable to bury that thought, that one scene, that emotional train wreck...

How could someone put that away, when it became like a part of them?

Even if he loved her... even if he would still give his life to save her own...

...he couldn't do this for her.

"I'm sorry, Dagger," he choked out quietly. He wanted to see her rage, he wanted to see the queen of Alexandria at her finest... he couldn't see her in tears. "It can't be the same anymore."

[thedaggersedge]

And there it was. He might as well have drawn a dagger and shoved it oh-so-expertly through her ribs, straight into the thundering, blood filled valves of her heart; the feeling couldn't have been much different. Every beat was cold, draining pain. Her hands slid away from his face, no strength left in them, no will left to substitute for muscles and bones. Fingers caught in the fabric of his jacket, curling listlessly.

Her throat was dry, and tight, words fighting to free themselves but nothing coming it.

It was... over.

"So..." she looked down at their feet. "That's... it? Just... it's over?"

Sara. He'd chosen Sara. Her voice cracked and quivered endlessly. "You can't expect me to believe that what you have with her is anything close to what we've had."

[theherotail]

He flinched just a bit, nearly unnoticeable. He wished that this wasn't going as he figured it would. But... he knew Dagger well enough over the many, many years, that she wasn't just going to let this go, let him go... of all things...

She was always waiting for him. She even said it, recently, after he came back from his disappearance. He wanted to tell her then not to wait for him like that. It wasn't going to reassure him now.

"Every relationship is different," he whispered, slightly dejectedly. He's been with women before Dagger, after all (although hardly in the same light - more like short-term flings), he should know.

[thedaggersedge]

You could have heard the sharp snap of flesh-against-flesh for several blocks. In less than a second she had snapped her head up, eyes burning with such intense fire that he should have turned to ash on the spot. In all the years, her reflexes had not dulled, and before she even knew that she had lifted her hand, her palm had connected to his cheek with as much force as her petite body could muster.

"Don't you say that to me," she hissed, he teeth grinding together. The tears were brimming in those flashing eyes, and her cheeks were turning a brilliant fuschia.

"I still held out hope that you were alive somewhere, when the rest of Gaia wanted to erect a statue in your memory! I gave you six years of my life, and would have gladly given you all the rest!" she cried, flinging one hand to the side, the other in a fist over her heart. As if, by that hand alone, she could stop the unseen blood from pouring out of her wounded heart, or hold together the pieces of broken glass.

"I wanted to grow old with you, raise a family with you! I let you have everything you wanted; no restrictions, no responsibilities. I broke centuries of traditions and rules, all for you. Because I love you, more than anything in this world and the next!"

The tears were running down now, hot, wet trails over burning cheeks and twisted lips.

Once, she had thought, her death meant that she didn't deserve to have a say in what he did with his life anymore. But this wasn't just his life; it was hers, and all her hopes and dreams ripped from her hands, dangled out of reach. A fate worse than death, to know that you could never have what you wanted.

[theherotail]

"You think this is easy for me?" he bites out before he can stop himself, as if her slap shook up some of his brain and now simple reasoning halts. "Of course it isn't!" He wanted her fire, and he got it. He can't take back that wish now. He can't wrangle her together and put back in the pieces, glue her together like some doll to sit on a shelf. She wasn't that kind of queen, and it's all thanks to him. He helped shape her this way. It's like this was his fault since the moment they met.

God, he was always in way over his head, wasn't he?

"I'm sorry, Dagger. I am. I can't even begin to stress that enough, but even if I could, it wouldn't fix anything." For a second he tried to tug from her grip, from the almost-violence she was suddenly radiating; a need for a little bit of space, a little bit of safety. ...But no, he couldn't get that even if he had broken away from her.

He grit his teeth as he looked down at her, eyes a strange mix of misery, determination, and a very, very small pinprick of rage. "I tried to get past it, Dagger. I did. But I can't get your singing out of my mind... and then you stopped... and..." and he stopped, deflating rather quickly after that.

[thedaggersedge]

"My Sing--" She stopped abruptly, her face flinching.

Suddenly, there they were, in her chamber again. The bed, and the window, and broken voices. She could picture it in her mind, as clear as yesterday, though the day itself had been shrouded in a fog of delirium.

The anger smoldered, and she gave a short, dry laugh it almost could have been a sob. Perhaps it was.

"Is that really all you can think of when you look at me?" she asked, "do the last six years pale in the face of those last five minutes? Do they cast such a severe shadow, that all else is blanketed in darkness?" her voice was high, broken, and pleading, the tears flowing, the fire dying.

And now that he'd brought it up, she couldn't stop hearing Their Song.

[theherotail]

"Yes," he mumbled, tiptoeing towards self-loathing. She'd hate the simplicity of the answer, but it's not like he didn't try to forget.

He could remember all the good times still, sure. He could remember their adventuring together. But when he went to bed at night there was him singing mournfully alone, a small hitch in his voice from when Beatrix rested a hand on his shoulder, but continuing on until the very end...

... as if she could still hear him while she moved onto... wherever it was she was going.

Manhattan, he supposed dully.

It didn't help the nights she sat up, softly singing to the silent city outside... He always hoped she wouldn't notice him cringing in his sleep, then going very, very still when she ended for the night. It was too painfully close to that time...

Yes. Yes, those last few minutes poured black paint over the good memories, so much it would take a whole crew to chip them back out...