A Eulogy for Patricia the Grapefruit
Patricia the Grapefruit was a very nice grapefruit. Responsible and kind, she would sit with the other grapefruits in the grocery store, patiently waiting to picked. I remember how she would spritz herself with perfume to make herself smell tastier--and her skin! She loved her shiny yellow skin. And she never went anywhere without her purple sunglasses. She had a great sense of humor too! One time, we were walking passed the frozen food section and she did an impression of a frozen bag of peas. It was brilliant!
But then the inevitable happened--
My mother cut Patricia in half and savagely ripped out her insides. She then ate Patricia the Grapefruit.
It was a sad day for us, and now we gather here to remember Patricia the Grapefruit and how she touched each one of us.
She was a wonderful grapefruit and she will be sorely missed.