(no subject)
I have not been in a mood like I've been in today in so long. I was sick almost all day. (My stomach hates me. really.) But, I did end up getting home almost an hour early because we were selling ads for chorus, and my group was in Galax, and we finished early, so Jennifer brought me home.
But, from the second I walked in the door, Mom just drove me crazy. She didn't even do anything really. I was just annoyed. Then, I ended up being here for a little bit with Micah and Noah, and Micah was being so mean to Noah, and I tried to make him quit, but he was yelling and noah was scream-crying, so I just started yelling at Micah (gosh, he is so annoying and cocky) and finally stormed out of the room. then I went in the living room and threw my folder, threw my pencil, threw my chemistry book, threw the telephone, and screamed. so. loud. I just flew around the room and screamed. no one else was home, and the 2 boys were in the basement killing each other. and it was the kind of screaming where you end up just falling to your knees and sitting there breathing really heavy. it was exhausting, but enjoyable all at once. I was so stressed out that I just layed in the floor and looked up at the ceiling. At some point mom came in and asked what was wrong, and I said "nothing....oh. and 2 of your children are trying to kill each other. if you're interested." I don't know what she said, but later she said something that just made me mad and stressed and I said (out loud) "Lord, have mercy on me! What have I done, God? I'm going crazy here, help me!" and start having this conversation w/God laying right there on the floor, and Mom tells me that I'm 'such a martyr.' I hate when she says that. it's so stupid. Then she told me to go in a closet and talk to God. and I told her that I could and would talk to God whenever and wherever I wanted to. and you know what she told me? "Shut Up."
s h u t u p ?
If I shut up, you know what I would do? I would explode. All over the place. I would end up having one of those screaming outbursts at an actual person.
okay, I feel a little better. I have a ton of homework though.
But, from the second I walked in the door, Mom just drove me crazy. She didn't even do anything really. I was just annoyed. Then, I ended up being here for a little bit with Micah and Noah, and Micah was being so mean to Noah, and I tried to make him quit, but he was yelling and noah was scream-crying, so I just started yelling at Micah (gosh, he is so annoying and cocky) and finally stormed out of the room. then I went in the living room and threw my folder, threw my pencil, threw my chemistry book, threw the telephone, and screamed. so. loud. I just flew around the room and screamed. no one else was home, and the 2 boys were in the basement killing each other. and it was the kind of screaming where you end up just falling to your knees and sitting there breathing really heavy. it was exhausting, but enjoyable all at once. I was so stressed out that I just layed in the floor and looked up at the ceiling. At some point mom came in and asked what was wrong, and I said "nothing....oh. and 2 of your children are trying to kill each other. if you're interested." I don't know what she said, but later she said something that just made me mad and stressed and I said (out loud) "Lord, have mercy on me! What have I done, God? I'm going crazy here, help me!" and start having this conversation w/God laying right there on the floor, and Mom tells me that I'm 'such a martyr.' I hate when she says that. it's so stupid. Then she told me to go in a closet and talk to God. and I told her that I could and would talk to God whenever and wherever I wanted to. and you know what she told me? "Shut Up."
s h u t u p ?
If I shut up, you know what I would do? I would explode. All over the place. I would end up having one of those screaming outbursts at an actual person.
okay, I feel a little better. I have a ton of homework though.