(no subject)
I think I'm going to break it off with Hide. Starting in January he's going to be in India for three months. He barely contacts me from Japan, even when he is home (which is almost never), so chances are very good that I wouldn't hear from him at all while he's in India. I've been crying since seven thirty. I really don't want to do it, but I don't have a choice. I can't wait around like this, it's too hard. I don't even remember his voice. I don't want to leave him, but I can't hang around for a guy who is so busy all the time. My stomach hurts. I'm so fucking upset and there's nothing I can do about it. There's not even anyone around to talk to. I love Hide. I really do. I would do anything to get him back here. I don't want to be alone right now. I don't know what to tell him, or what to tell anyone, or what to think or how to feel. I just want him to be here. I want to hear from him. I can't remember his fucking voice. Why can't anyone live closer? I want to see someone. I don't want to talk. I just want to sit with someone. I'm so fucking upset. I love Hide.