(no subject)
I'm at a really, really, really weird place in my head right now. How can you feel both proud and determined at the same time you're feeling like a worthless loser and a failure? I'd blame the muses because there's one kinda like the former and one kinda like the latter, but... it started before they got to those respective places. I haven't cried in forever and not every tiny thing's making me completely break down.
I'm supposed to go out for a drink tonight. Noooot in the mood for that. Especially since Cindy's going. Who had the bright idea to invite her?? It's supposed to be celebrating the fact that we got shit caught up already. But... That was all Diane and I. Cindy had NOTHING to do with it.
I've already cried at work today >.> wtf. I don't cry in public. Thankfully no one saw me. I hope.
As much as I feel like a fuck up right now, I keep telling myself I'll be where I want to be in a year or two. I just need to be patient. I spent 8 years floundering and fucking up. I'm done flailing. My mom's proud of me, but I'm not proud of me yet.
Someday it won't be such an uphill battle. "Nothing in life will ever come that easy. Doesn't mean it has to be that hard" I'm tired of waiting for the not that hard part. I'm tired of waiting. Waiting never gets you anywhere. Every good thing always brings a bad. Stop whining about it and deal with it.
lol I'm really bad at giving myself pep talks.
I'm supposed to go out for a drink tonight. Noooot in the mood for that. Especially since Cindy's going. Who had the bright idea to invite her?? It's supposed to be celebrating the fact that we got shit caught up already. But... That was all Diane and I. Cindy had NOTHING to do with it.
I've already cried at work today >.> wtf. I don't cry in public. Thankfully no one saw me. I hope.
As much as I feel like a fuck up right now, I keep telling myself I'll be where I want to be in a year or two. I just need to be patient. I spent 8 years floundering and fucking up. I'm done flailing. My mom's proud of me, but I'm not proud of me yet.
Someday it won't be such an uphill battle. "Nothing in life will ever come that easy. Doesn't mean it has to be that hard" I'm tired of waiting for the not that hard part. I'm tired of waiting. Waiting never gets you anywhere. Every good thing always brings a bad. Stop whining about it and deal with it.
lol I'm really bad at giving myself pep talks.