(no subject)
Good evening everyone. I don't really know why I am updating this thing...I don't think anyone reads it anyways.
I'm exploring some metaphysical things, experimenting with my boundaries, changing my way of life, etc. I've realized something. I've had to hide what i am and what I know from a lot of people because I was scared at how they would accept me or if they would understand, etc. I didn't want to be shunned. But I've learned that if they don't like it, or don't accept me for who I am, I should say, then it wasn't meant to me...but at the same time, I am scared to drop my guard...Simply because that's how I was raised...to keep my guard up. Yeah..
On the brightside, my journals aren't quite as depressing as they have been. W00T!
My friend and I got into the discussion of the past. How we hated ourselves for some stupid things. I looked at her and said "I hate myself for a lot of things. I hate myself because I know I've hurt Aimee. I hate myself because I lost ample oppurtunity for a great friendship because I let my feelings get in the way." She said "What do you mean?" I told her "See, our first year at the Edge of Madness, and I met all of my friends, I let my feelings get in the way. I saw Olin going after Aimee and Rose, and I thought they were beautiful...and I wasn't. He didn't really talk to me, and it seemed like sometimes, sometimes even now, that he feels and felt obligated to be friends with me because I was friends with Aimee and Jerard." She said "You know that isn't true." I said "I know. One of my worst fears about being close to anyone...like incredibly close...is not having the feelings returned to me. Like I tell Olin he's like a big brother to me, and I tell Aimee she's like a big sister to me, and I'm scared that I'm going to get to close and find out the feelings aren't mutual. Then I just make myself look like a dumbass." But yeah..the conversation went on like that for a while. She said "I didn't know you and Aimee got into fights." I said "We were in one so big it threatened the life of our friendship. But we both, seperately, decided to get our priorities in order and be friends again. Now we are inseperable."
So..yeah...Had a deep weekend. Lots of things on my mind...lots of things I need to think about...so on and so forth...I can keep rambling, but I don't want to. I suppose I should be going now. fare thee well. You can also find this post at livejournal, myspace, and xanga. All the names are Daisha5. Fare thee well, and sleep. You are no longer the spectators, but part of the spectacle.
I'm exploring some metaphysical things, experimenting with my boundaries, changing my way of life, etc. I've realized something. I've had to hide what i am and what I know from a lot of people because I was scared at how they would accept me or if they would understand, etc. I didn't want to be shunned. But I've learned that if they don't like it, or don't accept me for who I am, I should say, then it wasn't meant to me...but at the same time, I am scared to drop my guard...Simply because that's how I was raised...to keep my guard up. Yeah..
On the brightside, my journals aren't quite as depressing as they have been. W00T!
My friend and I got into the discussion of the past. How we hated ourselves for some stupid things. I looked at her and said "I hate myself for a lot of things. I hate myself because I know I've hurt Aimee. I hate myself because I lost ample oppurtunity for a great friendship because I let my feelings get in the way." She said "What do you mean?" I told her "See, our first year at the Edge of Madness, and I met all of my friends, I let my feelings get in the way. I saw Olin going after Aimee and Rose, and I thought they were beautiful...and I wasn't. He didn't really talk to me, and it seemed like sometimes, sometimes even now, that he feels and felt obligated to be friends with me because I was friends with Aimee and Jerard." She said "You know that isn't true." I said "I know. One of my worst fears about being close to anyone...like incredibly close...is not having the feelings returned to me. Like I tell Olin he's like a big brother to me, and I tell Aimee she's like a big sister to me, and I'm scared that I'm going to get to close and find out the feelings aren't mutual. Then I just make myself look like a dumbass." But yeah..the conversation went on like that for a while. She said "I didn't know you and Aimee got into fights." I said "We were in one so big it threatened the life of our friendship. But we both, seperately, decided to get our priorities in order and be friends again. Now we are inseperable."
So..yeah...Had a deep weekend. Lots of things on my mind...lots of things I need to think about...so on and so forth...I can keep rambling, but I don't want to. I suppose I should be going now. fare thee well. You can also find this post at livejournal, myspace, and xanga. All the names are Daisha5. Fare thee well, and sleep. You are no longer the spectators, but part of the spectacle.