Day 142
I'm getting stronger, putting on weight, all that good stuff. Usually I'm pretty tired in the evenings and can't do much more than eat dinner and read in bed. But last night I stayed up till 9:30 writing a crit for my online writers group, and I actually cooked and ate a whole, real dinner.
Last night I had a dream that my milk came in right away when Little Figgy was born, and she was a champion nurser. That was right after a dream when I was trapped in a field with gray and timber wolves fighting each other, and I wasn't sure whether they were going to turn on me, too. So my emotions are a bit of a jumble.
I'm ridiculously weepy, I don't remember if I posted about this before. Crying along with TV shows is one thing, but sometimes I'll just choke up for no reason and start crying. I was in Dominicks the other day trying to decide between strawberry and blueberry flavored yogurt, and bam, tears. I'd understand if something triggered it, but it honestly just seems to be a fluctuation in my hormonal levels that makes me want to cry. Weird and very annoying.
I planted my garden last weekend. Three tomato plants, swiss chard, pole beans and zucchini. The zucchini isn't quite in yet; Dan and I are still working on clearing the day lilly bed of those pernicious weeds so we can spread some compost and turn it into a garden bed. Geez did I hate those lillies. They would seriously bloom for ONE DAY. What the hell's the point of that? Then all summer long I have this overgrown, reedy bed of long fronds with huge bare stalks jutting up. Pointless. I'm so glad they're gone.
Little Figgy is regularly active. I probably feel between 10 and 20 movements a day, some kicks, some turns, some punches, sometimes just little flutters. Yesterday I sat looking at my stomach and saw the skin move when she did. That was cool. I've been singing her special song to her in the shower, though I'm behind on making up words to go with it. We're still undecided on the name so for now I'm just singing the official words. I did the same thing with Kaden (to a different song) and he came out of the womb recognizing it. We put him on my breast and I sang to him, and he lifted his head to look at me when he heard it. It was pretty amazing. Snif.
I'm very uncomfortable at night, of course. I have the long pillow that I put between my knees and lean on, but I really want to sleep on my back and I simply can't. It makes me short of breath and my organs ache. In fact, a lot of my nighttime waking is finding myself on my back and having to turn to my side because of the pain. And I'm back to getting up at 3 am to pee again. I was freed of it for a while when my uterus started moving up, but now Little Figgy is big enough that she's pressing down on my bladder, so I'm back to frequent and tiny pees. Sigh. I hate going in the middle of the night. Standing up is like trying to swim up through tar; my head spins and I'm completely tired. Then I have to stumble quietly to the bathroom and fend off the cat's attempts to get me to pet him while I pee. Then back to bed where it takes me forever to get comfortable and fall asleep again. Buh.
I've been thinking a bit about the birth. Not too much; I usually turn my mind away when I notice myself getting worried. Thing is, I didn't feel contractions at all until two hours after they started the Pitocin with Kaden. I got to 6 cm without any pain whatsoever. That could be a good thing, or that could be a bit scary. If I don't know I'm in labor, things may go pretty damn fast, especially since this is a second kid. But then I think...if we hadn't gone to the hospital, how would things have played out? Once my water broke, if we'd stayed home and I'd been able to eat and get some strength, I could have walked, and that might have strengthened the contractions. Labor would have gone on longer (not a good thing) but the actual pushing would have been easier because my body would have been more prepared. And I likely wouldn't have torn so badly and needed 12 weeks to heal instead of the usual 6. I might not even have had to go on that medication for 8 freaking months to heal my bladder because I wouldn't have messed up my pelvic floor by pushing too soon.
So. Like I said, I'm trying not to think about it. I don't want to predict or run through possible scenarios or anything. I just want to work on Kegels and taking my vitamins and walking for exercise so that Figgy grows strong and healthy. We'll deal with birth when it comes.
Off to shower and get ready for rosary group. God is good. :)
Last night I had a dream that my milk came in right away when Little Figgy was born, and she was a champion nurser. That was right after a dream when I was trapped in a field with gray and timber wolves fighting each other, and I wasn't sure whether they were going to turn on me, too. So my emotions are a bit of a jumble.
I'm ridiculously weepy, I don't remember if I posted about this before. Crying along with TV shows is one thing, but sometimes I'll just choke up for no reason and start crying. I was in Dominicks the other day trying to decide between strawberry and blueberry flavored yogurt, and bam, tears. I'd understand if something triggered it, but it honestly just seems to be a fluctuation in my hormonal levels that makes me want to cry. Weird and very annoying.
I planted my garden last weekend. Three tomato plants, swiss chard, pole beans and zucchini. The zucchini isn't quite in yet; Dan and I are still working on clearing the day lilly bed of those pernicious weeds so we can spread some compost and turn it into a garden bed. Geez did I hate those lillies. They would seriously bloom for ONE DAY. What the hell's the point of that? Then all summer long I have this overgrown, reedy bed of long fronds with huge bare stalks jutting up. Pointless. I'm so glad they're gone.
Little Figgy is regularly active. I probably feel between 10 and 20 movements a day, some kicks, some turns, some punches, sometimes just little flutters. Yesterday I sat looking at my stomach and saw the skin move when she did. That was cool. I've been singing her special song to her in the shower, though I'm behind on making up words to go with it. We're still undecided on the name so for now I'm just singing the official words. I did the same thing with Kaden (to a different song) and he came out of the womb recognizing it. We put him on my breast and I sang to him, and he lifted his head to look at me when he heard it. It was pretty amazing. Snif.
I'm very uncomfortable at night, of course. I have the long pillow that I put between my knees and lean on, but I really want to sleep on my back and I simply can't. It makes me short of breath and my organs ache. In fact, a lot of my nighttime waking is finding myself on my back and having to turn to my side because of the pain. And I'm back to getting up at 3 am to pee again. I was freed of it for a while when my uterus started moving up, but now Little Figgy is big enough that she's pressing down on my bladder, so I'm back to frequent and tiny pees. Sigh. I hate going in the middle of the night. Standing up is like trying to swim up through tar; my head spins and I'm completely tired. Then I have to stumble quietly to the bathroom and fend off the cat's attempts to get me to pet him while I pee. Then back to bed where it takes me forever to get comfortable and fall asleep again. Buh.
I've been thinking a bit about the birth. Not too much; I usually turn my mind away when I notice myself getting worried. Thing is, I didn't feel contractions at all until two hours after they started the Pitocin with Kaden. I got to 6 cm without any pain whatsoever. That could be a good thing, or that could be a bit scary. If I don't know I'm in labor, things may go pretty damn fast, especially since this is a second kid. But then I think...if we hadn't gone to the hospital, how would things have played out? Once my water broke, if we'd stayed home and I'd been able to eat and get some strength, I could have walked, and that might have strengthened the contractions. Labor would have gone on longer (not a good thing) but the actual pushing would have been easier because my body would have been more prepared. And I likely wouldn't have torn so badly and needed 12 weeks to heal instead of the usual 6. I might not even have had to go on that medication for 8 freaking months to heal my bladder because I wouldn't have messed up my pelvic floor by pushing too soon.
So. Like I said, I'm trying not to think about it. I don't want to predict or run through possible scenarios or anything. I just want to work on Kegels and taking my vitamins and walking for exercise so that Figgy grows strong and healthy. We'll deal with birth when it comes.
Off to shower and get ready for rosary group. God is good. :)