adendum
"Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun..." ---Ash... Housewares
Okay, here is a story of horror... read it and weep, and see if you can get all the horror references I've added. Mad props if you do, and also, it's only like two pages, so relax
peace
joe
It was a dark night, in a dark city, in a dark time, in a dark place. Yes, Dear Reader, a place… of darkness! And into this dark place, during this dark time, in this dark city on this dark night a dark man stood on the lip of a cliff and peered down through the empty streets and naked sky. He was a dark man, of dark intentions. His dark face was veiled (also by darkness), and as he watched the dark city a single thought burned through his consciousness:
Jesus Christ, can’t someone turn on a goddamn light?
His true name was kept hidden from the tongues of mortals, lest invoking it bring about madness which would burn away all sanity. In the vulgar speech of newer races he was known only as… The Dark Shadow, Darkman, The Dark Phantom, Dark Knight, Dark Side, Dark Menace, Dark City, Count Darkula, , Dark Tower, Ishmael, Dark Walking Dude, 666 Flaggs…
He was known only as: King.
No one knows where King came from, or what purpose he had in the world of men, Dear Reader, only that he we would appear, to wreak his particular brand of dark tribulations on the sons of Adam, than disappear. Some have seen him appear at a lone village on the outskirts of civilization, bringing with him weapons or the plagues of death and disease. Other times he may be seen gala balls in towering buildings with well dressed men and women, motivating powerful leaders to act in accordance with His will.
There are those who have been said to have seen him traveling through The Mist near cloaked roads in hidden vales, or through lone mountain passes… his passing bringing only darkness. Many have claimed to have seen him at the feet of Sodom watching the fall of that city into death. Others claimed to see him grinning from the streets of Paris when the guillotine fed on the necks of innocents, while still others claimed to see him sitting with a twisted grin in this beat-up blue Chevy, talking incessantly into his Bluetooth (no doubt about something evil) while ignoring the fact that the light’s turned green even though it’s a really short light and it’s like… ten minutes to the nearest bathroom, and those damn sausage patties are doing a freaking fandango in your small intestines and you don’t want to be the asshole who beeps your horn, but son-of-a-BITCH you gotta poop and he still won’t move out of the muther-BEEP-BEEP-BEEPing way!
Yes, Dear Reader, the one known as King is truly a force of darkness.
A long black coat perched on heavy-set shoulders and puckered lips quirked with a wry grin at the imminent AND eminent tragedy that would be bestowed on this city. Leaning back against the cliff he contained his grin, for he had work to accomplish this night.
Kneeling besides him was his greatest tool and servant, bound to his will by dark designs of the most ancient black arts. Turning its simian head toward its dark master, the beast looked with questioning eyes, peering through the darkness, awaiting commands of his eternal lord and master.
“Now, Ella, my pet…,” the man called King whispered in a thin whining voice “we shall bring terrible darkness to this town… which, though is currently literally dark, will soon be covered in metaphorical darkness… which will be far, far worse.”
The dark monkey raised her dark paw to a troubled brow and wiped away the sweat of anticipation from her fur.
Oh for the love of GOD! …thought the beast… No, no Ella… just calm down. You know… it’s your own fault, really. You say to yourself “Hell, you’re just some one-monkey-band, all day long for some stupid Italian guy with an accordion. Stop banging your cymbals for a while do something exciting with this King fella… see the world, meet new people, get out and visit the sites.” Suure… So you sign on and all you get with THIS guy is ‘darkness’ and ‘evil’ and ‘auto-erotic stimulation’ and so forth. Hell, at least old man Romero had me doing fun stuff… like needle-point! But I swear; if this King doesn’t lay off the damn melodrama I’m going to throw him into a freaking LAKE! Heh! It’ll be just like that episode of the X-Files…
“You may wonder, my pet, why I have brought you to this place… I have a plan for you… a plan of darkness and evil…”
The monkey rubbed her temples and let out an irritated and weary sigh of eager anticipation for the (no doubt) dramatic and soon to be revealed as dark and evil plans.
“This town is filled with the light. That light which shines from many things, but it does not come only from the bright balmy sun basking high in the heavens. It does not also come from the sweet, soft flickering of man-made lights that dance and shine in a child’s heart from a warm hearth or happy candle… No, the light does not even shine from the joy of finding out that when you thought you ate the last M&M you were actually wrong and there was actually ONE MORE in the package you hadn’t noticed, but then you found it in the bottom of the bag and were like “Dude, there’s another M&M, how cool is THAT?”, even though you thought the package had been empty… no, it is filled with a brightness even worse then that.”
King paused, and the tension became as thick as a bundled-up, dirty, urine-soaked clown suit.
“This town is fruitful, my pet… too fruitful, and too healthy, besides. The citizens below feast on things that are bright, and happy, golden… and anatomically intimidating to some lesser endowed men who enjoy a good game or three of WoW… Ahem… Ah, yes, Ella… my pet, this town is full of the ripe bastion against the plagues of old; it is filled with bananas.”
Ella slapped her forehead and let out a groan of eager enthusiasm as to wear King’s plan was going.
“With you at my side we shall penetrate this town, penetrate it and discover their banana bunkers and raid them quickly. We shall take from them their ‘nanner goodness and relieve this town of all their yellow deliciousness. Just think, dear Ella; no more banana pancakes; no more peanut-butter and banana sandwiches. Yes! And soon the town will have no potassium left; Three Stooges Re-enactment festivals shall be canceled without banana crème pies! Humor, laughter, joy… all of it shall vanish. And who better to assist me in this insidious plot of removing bananas then… a MONKEY! The town will be begging for help, but they will all be told “Yes, we have no bananas, we have NO bananas today!” and they will then know my wrath!”
A maniacal laugh broke from the lips of the man called King, and Ella shared his mirth by banging her head against a wall repeatedly, banging with laughter, no doubt.
“Ahh Ella, with your help things are all coming together,” he said turning his somewhat nerdy and bespectacled, though hauntingly charismatic gaze, to his evil pet. “And with your assistance you will no longer be banging cymbals for people to gawk at… no, I shall make you famous. You’ll be a star and shine in the darkness, Ella. Yes, you will shine, SHINE. Yes… MONKEY…. SHINE!”
And he laughed long and darkly into the night.
Okay, here is a story of horror... read it and weep, and see if you can get all the horror references I've added. Mad props if you do, and also, it's only like two pages, so relax
peace
joe
It was a dark night, in a dark city, in a dark time, in a dark place. Yes, Dear Reader, a place… of darkness! And into this dark place, during this dark time, in this dark city on this dark night a dark man stood on the lip of a cliff and peered down through the empty streets and naked sky. He was a dark man, of dark intentions. His dark face was veiled (also by darkness), and as he watched the dark city a single thought burned through his consciousness:
Jesus Christ, can’t someone turn on a goddamn light?
His true name was kept hidden from the tongues of mortals, lest invoking it bring about madness which would burn away all sanity. In the vulgar speech of newer races he was known only as… The Dark Shadow, Darkman, The Dark Phantom, Dark Knight, Dark Side, Dark Menace, Dark City, Count Darkula, , Dark Tower, Ishmael, Dark Walking Dude, 666 Flaggs…
He was known only as: King.
No one knows where King came from, or what purpose he had in the world of men, Dear Reader, only that he we would appear, to wreak his particular brand of dark tribulations on the sons of Adam, than disappear. Some have seen him appear at a lone village on the outskirts of civilization, bringing with him weapons or the plagues of death and disease. Other times he may be seen gala balls in towering buildings with well dressed men and women, motivating powerful leaders to act in accordance with His will.
There are those who have been said to have seen him traveling through The Mist near cloaked roads in hidden vales, or through lone mountain passes… his passing bringing only darkness. Many have claimed to have seen him at the feet of Sodom watching the fall of that city into death. Others claimed to see him grinning from the streets of Paris when the guillotine fed on the necks of innocents, while still others claimed to see him sitting with a twisted grin in this beat-up blue Chevy, talking incessantly into his Bluetooth (no doubt about something evil) while ignoring the fact that the light’s turned green even though it’s a really short light and it’s like… ten minutes to the nearest bathroom, and those damn sausage patties are doing a freaking fandango in your small intestines and you don’t want to be the asshole who beeps your horn, but son-of-a-BITCH you gotta poop and he still won’t move out of the muther-BEEP-BEEP-BEEPing way!
Yes, Dear Reader, the one known as King is truly a force of darkness.
A long black coat perched on heavy-set shoulders and puckered lips quirked with a wry grin at the imminent AND eminent tragedy that would be bestowed on this city. Leaning back against the cliff he contained his grin, for he had work to accomplish this night.
Kneeling besides him was his greatest tool and servant, bound to his will by dark designs of the most ancient black arts. Turning its simian head toward its dark master, the beast looked with questioning eyes, peering through the darkness, awaiting commands of his eternal lord and master.
“Now, Ella, my pet…,” the man called King whispered in a thin whining voice “we shall bring terrible darkness to this town… which, though is currently literally dark, will soon be covered in metaphorical darkness… which will be far, far worse.”
The dark monkey raised her dark paw to a troubled brow and wiped away the sweat of anticipation from her fur.
Oh for the love of GOD! …thought the beast… No, no Ella… just calm down. You know… it’s your own fault, really. You say to yourself “Hell, you’re just some one-monkey-band, all day long for some stupid Italian guy with an accordion. Stop banging your cymbals for a while do something exciting with this King fella… see the world, meet new people, get out and visit the sites.” Suure… So you sign on and all you get with THIS guy is ‘darkness’ and ‘evil’ and ‘auto-erotic stimulation’ and so forth. Hell, at least old man Romero had me doing fun stuff… like needle-point! But I swear; if this King doesn’t lay off the damn melodrama I’m going to throw him into a freaking LAKE! Heh! It’ll be just like that episode of the X-Files…
“You may wonder, my pet, why I have brought you to this place… I have a plan for you… a plan of darkness and evil…”
The monkey rubbed her temples and let out an irritated and weary sigh of eager anticipation for the (no doubt) dramatic and soon to be revealed as dark and evil plans.
“This town is filled with the light. That light which shines from many things, but it does not come only from the bright balmy sun basking high in the heavens. It does not also come from the sweet, soft flickering of man-made lights that dance and shine in a child’s heart from a warm hearth or happy candle… No, the light does not even shine from the joy of finding out that when you thought you ate the last M&M you were actually wrong and there was actually ONE MORE in the package you hadn’t noticed, but then you found it in the bottom of the bag and were like “Dude, there’s another M&M, how cool is THAT?”, even though you thought the package had been empty… no, it is filled with a brightness even worse then that.”
King paused, and the tension became as thick as a bundled-up, dirty, urine-soaked clown suit.
“This town is fruitful, my pet… too fruitful, and too healthy, besides. The citizens below feast on things that are bright, and happy, golden… and anatomically intimidating to some lesser endowed men who enjoy a good game or three of WoW… Ahem… Ah, yes, Ella… my pet, this town is full of the ripe bastion against the plagues of old; it is filled with bananas.”
Ella slapped her forehead and let out a groan of eager enthusiasm as to wear King’s plan was going.
“With you at my side we shall penetrate this town, penetrate it and discover their banana bunkers and raid them quickly. We shall take from them their ‘nanner goodness and relieve this town of all their yellow deliciousness. Just think, dear Ella; no more banana pancakes; no more peanut-butter and banana sandwiches. Yes! And soon the town will have no potassium left; Three Stooges Re-enactment festivals shall be canceled without banana crème pies! Humor, laughter, joy… all of it shall vanish. And who better to assist me in this insidious plot of removing bananas then… a MONKEY! The town will be begging for help, but they will all be told “Yes, we have no bananas, we have NO bananas today!” and they will then know my wrath!”
A maniacal laugh broke from the lips of the man called King, and Ella shared his mirth by banging her head against a wall repeatedly, banging with laughter, no doubt.
“Ahh Ella, with your help things are all coming together,” he said turning his somewhat nerdy and bespectacled, though hauntingly charismatic gaze, to his evil pet. “And with your assistance you will no longer be banging cymbals for people to gawk at… no, I shall make you famous. You’ll be a star and shine in the darkness, Ella. Yes, you will shine, SHINE. Yes… MONKEY…. SHINE!”
And he laughed long and darkly into the night.