Confessing Because I Need To.
These past two weeks have been more than I can handle. I haven't used livejournal seriously, in like... quite a long time. But my life has been so much fun in the past two weeks, that I really need to. You know when you have someone consistently in your life and you don't plan on them going any where. But then they leave? And you feel like every other step on your ladder has been sawed in half. And you keep tripping and breaking them again and again. But then you learn to get used to it. and you learn to just take an extra step up. But once in a while when you're not paying attention, you stumble on the step that should be there, and remember what it was like when it was there, and how much easier things were... instead of learning to cope, I've been searching for replacement steps. Kind of frantically in fact. Desperately. Pathetically. I guess sticking a carrot in for a replacement won't work in the long run, but at least it'd give me the false sense of normalcy. It'll give me someone to fill the void. At least temporarily. Despite who it effects. Despite who gets hurt. In the past two weeks I've kissed a total of 6 guys. Two of which I hooked up with. Two of which are over 18. One of which I had sex with. I've smoked more cigarettes than I have total in my entire life. I've gotten drunk more times than I should. I've hit on three guys whom are "with" my friends. Told the brutal truth to three of my friends. Lied to my parents for money. And chose penis over a friend. Could I suck any more? I don't think so. I want... to make a pot of tea. I want a good book. And I want to lay off the alcohol for a while. Because I'm not liking myself these days. This isn't my best analogy but that's besides the point. Now excuse me while I light the whole fucking ladder on fire.