Waiting for what you don't want...
I'm sitting here beside my dear grandmother as she rests in her hospital bed. Dad and I both spent the night here with her, unsure if she would make it through the night or not. She had a very restless night and I've been saying we had a pillow fight around 3:00am. I must have been snoring because I suddenly felt a "thwap" as the back of her hand hit my arm. I woke up and she was staring at me. She took the pillow that I had been resting my arm on (in the gap between my chair and her bed), and put it over her abdomen. Over the next 30 minutes or so, she lifted it, flipped it, tossed it off, pulled it back and did all sorts of movements before finally putting it on her left side. In the periods where the pillow was getting some peace, she would take my hand, push it away, squeeze it, pull away from it, and on and on.
She's been having periods of apnea (not breathing) that last about 30-45 seconds before going into 30-second long periods of labored breathing. The neurologist brought yesterday's CT results and showed dad the area of the brain that was affected. It shows a definite massive stroke in the right hemisphere as well as evidence of previous TIA's in the left hemisphere. The neurologist said that all of her cognitive skills were gone and she wasn't able to recognize anyone and any physical responses were completely involuntary. When I got back to the room and found out what he said, I nearly laughed. Had he spent any time with her, he would have seen her eyes twinkle when her great-grand-nephew was brought in the room and would have seen the smile she tried when I reminded her of times we spent together when I was a kid. When she's awake and there's someone sitting next to her, she'll reach out her left hand to be sure someone is holding it.
The doctor just came in and said her MRSA test results have come back positive. He also said that her breathing has gotten worse and is taking a serious toll on her heart, and that her pulse is weaker. In private, he said that we will be watching her breathing cycle and at some point she won't come out of the apneaic cycle into the labored cycle, allowing her to go peacefully. He has written standing orders for PRN pain meds and sedatives. In the meantime, we just wait for an event we don't want to arrive.
She's been having periods of apnea (not breathing) that last about 30-45 seconds before going into 30-second long periods of labored breathing. The neurologist brought yesterday's CT results and showed dad the area of the brain that was affected. It shows a definite massive stroke in the right hemisphere as well as evidence of previous TIA's in the left hemisphere. The neurologist said that all of her cognitive skills were gone and she wasn't able to recognize anyone and any physical responses were completely involuntary. When I got back to the room and found out what he said, I nearly laughed. Had he spent any time with her, he would have seen her eyes twinkle when her great-grand-nephew was brought in the room and would have seen the smile she tried when I reminded her of times we spent together when I was a kid. When she's awake and there's someone sitting next to her, she'll reach out her left hand to be sure someone is holding it.
The doctor just came in and said her MRSA test results have come back positive. He also said that her breathing has gotten worse and is taking a serious toll on her heart, and that her pulse is weaker. In private, he said that we will be watching her breathing cycle and at some point she won't come out of the apneaic cycle into the labored cycle, allowing her to go peacefully. He has written standing orders for PRN pain meds and sedatives. In the meantime, we just wait for an event we don't want to arrive.