Seven Seconds in Heaven [Day 29: Dark]
He hates him.
Or more accurately, he hates that he doesn’t hate him at all.
Clark is a boy of remarkably strong character; he knows who he is and what he wants, and he’s not going to let anyone break him. His boyfriend Ricky was not so strong. It was hard to tell what Ricky was thinking, whether what he said was true or what you wanted to hear. Ricky played the same game with every single person: get your rocks off, tell them the most convenient lie, and move on to the next target.
He was the same way with Clark. Just like the girls, he made Clark think that he was The One for the band geek, that all those girls the out and proud gay kid at Palos Hills kept hearing about were just this week’s beards, that the more he switched it up, the less people would suspect that he’s doing it with another boy. This works for about five years before Clark has had enough.
~~~
Clark met Ricky when the latter moved to the district in sixth grade. They were in many of the same classes and hit it off instantly. The first two weeks were spent entirely at each others’ houses. They’re at Ricky’s one day playing video games when Clark blurts out something it would take him a few more years to say in front of someone besides his best friend.
“I’m gay.” Clark continues fighting 2D bad guys like he’d simply commented on the weather. Ricky hits pause.
“Wait, seriously?”
“Yeah. Why, is that a problem?” His body language says ‘I don’t care what you think’, but his voice betrays an uncharacteristic nervousness. Ricky bridges the already narrow gap between them on the floor, his hand bringing Clark’s eyes to his.
“Not at all,” he smirks before mashing his lips onto Clark’s.
~~~
The next three years were spent experimenting with each others’ bodies. Every time one of them wanted to try something new, he tried it out on his best friend. This created some kinky stories, but mostly a level of trust unrivalled in any of their other relationships. As high school approached, that level of intimacy between Ricky and Clark became highly suspect.
“Ricky, it’s fine. No one’s going to find out about us.”
“Yeah but what if they do? We can’t risk it.”
Clark sighs, massaging his eyeballs. “What do you wanna do?”
They agree that it’s best for Ricky to pretend to see a girl, which he starts doing the very next day. How this escalated to what Ricky Schwartz came to be is beyond Clark, but if one were to try and find a starting point, that was it.
Their sexcapades slowed a lot during this period, because keeping up a straight façade was apparently hard work. Still, whenever Ricky was stressed or lonely or needed actual emotions, he found Clark. That might have been Clark’s first hint that Ricky was actually a douchebag, because whenever Clark needed help, Ricky was busy.
He calls Ricky on his bullshit halfway through sophomore year. It’s rare that Clark gets mad, but the hurt in his eyes while he’s chastising Ricky makes the playboy profoundly upset.
“I’m so sorry. You’re right; I’ve been a really shitty boyfriend lately. How do I fix it?”
“I want you to stop sleeping around.”
“Okay. I can do that. I have the perfect beard in mind.”
Clark gives him the ‘excuse me?’ eyes. “What?”
“Sadie.” Ricky gets excitedly jittery describing his brilliant plan. “It’s perfect; she’ll set fire to any girl that tries to get with me, and there’s absolutely nothing attractive about her so you don’t need to worry about me cheating on you.”
Clark thinks it over. “That’s actually really smart!”
Ricky beams, then thinks of something that tinges his face with seriousness. “You know I love you, right?” Clark stops everything but blinking. Ricky huffs in frustration at himself. “I should have told you that a long time ago.” He walks over and places his forehead on the smaller boy’s. “I’m in love with you, Clark. Only you. Don’t ever forget that.”
They have sex for the first time in over a year.
~~~
“I’m not into bears. But, I will make out with your boyfriend.” Ricky hears Clark’s smug barb from a few people away, and while he knows everyone will hear it as a joke, it makes him very worried. He pulls Clark into the coat closet later to confront him about it.
“Relax, I was just having a little fun. She doesn’t suspect anything.”
Ricky sighs, “just, please don’t scare me like that.”
“Sorry baby.” Clark says, drawing his boyfriend in for a quickie make-out session away from the prying lights of the party. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Ricky breathes out while Clark’s hands start to roam. Suddenly, Ricky hears Sadie screaming. He refuses to turn around until she’s left.
“I have to go,” he manages, launching himself from the boy on his neck.
“What? Why?”
“She can’t tell anyone.”
“Ricky, everyone saw us. There’s no hiding that. It’s fine.”
“I’m sorry.”
Ricky walks out on him. It’s for the last time, because in Clark’s moistening eyes, dark closets are for clothes.