Here on the Ground [Day 20: Earth]
Brittany is not stupid. That’s what Santana loves about her. She loves watching Brittany’s brain work as it makes the most random of connections as if it were obvious, yet can’t comprehend things normal people take for granted. She’s fearless and confident and surprisingly perceptive. Brittany’s so special, in the purest sense of the word, and her point of view is breathtaking. Santana wishes she had Brittany’s strength and imagination and innocence and profound joy in living. But she doesn’t.
That’s what made being with Brittany so hard. Brittany lives in her own beautiful world where everything is as it should be, but Santana lives on Earth. She knows how cruel and fake and dark things can be. And as much as she wishes she could forget all of that- like if she just carries on as if it doesn’t exist it won’t- she can’t. Maybe she’s just not smart enough.
It’s why she broke up with Brittany even though her own heart was devastated. It’s why she went to New York to pursue her dreams instead of waiting around for the first girl she ever loved. It’s why she can’t follow Brittany to MIT with her box of crayons and insane mathematical insights. Santana lives on the ground. She has to work for a living; she has to fight for her place in this world as a queer woman of colour from Lima Heights Adjacent, and she just doesn’t have the right stuff to fly like Brittany does. She heard once that flying is when you throw yourself at the ground and miss. It sounds like something Brittany would say. Santana misses sometimes, and it’s stunning in her rainbow skies, but as hard as she tries, she can’t stay up in the clouds with her unicorn magic very long before gravity starts to take over.
She’s been looking out for Brittany since they became friends all those years ago, taking care of anyone who did her wrong. Ever since they came to glee club, she’s not the only one, and as much as she hates sharing her best friend, the New Directions are family. She’s grateful that people are finally seeing Brittany as she sees her. She just wishes it didn’t have to feel like goodbye.
When she found out Brittany and Trouty Mouth were dating, it obviously made her upset, but seeing them together, she gets it. Sam knows how to fly, and the two of them just soar up to their world in an instant, leaving Santana and the rest of the mere mortals in the dust. She hides her pain the same way she always has: sarcasm. But if she’s being honest, Sam’s good for Brittany. Perhaps that’s what scares her the most.
~~~
Santana hugs Brittany and kisses her cheek before Brittany boards her flight to MIT and Santana goes a few gates down to her flight back to New York.
“I love you,” Brittany whispers.
“I love you, too,” is Santana’s choked reply. Brittany gets on her plane and Santana watches out the window as it soars into the dawning horizon, her own feet planted firmly on the ground.