(no subject)
I am moved to be honest with you. I just spent over a half an hour weeping last night in considering the universal poverty of our spiritual and emotional states. For the first time I realized that the suffering and the hell I have experienced on the inside, and all of my inner struggles, are shared. Yes it is comforting to realize I'm not alone but it breaks my heart to know we are all this horribly broken. I guess I thought I was a special case but the Lord has opened my eyes. And now that I have seen I am responsible to share my only hope. And my only hope has been Him.
It's bringing tears to my eyes even now to remember those hopeless nights where I didn't want to wake up and face another day because I only dreaded the pain the future would bring. I remember sitting in my car with the hope I could just sit there in safety forever. Sometimes I would scream at God, sometimes I would scream at myself, and sometimes I would sit in silence and surrender to my helplessness. Somewhere in the midst of that storm I met my Savior Jesus Christ. He held me in the pouring rain and He cried with me and He prayed for me and He strengthened me and He told me that even though I felt insane and worthless, that I was beautiful in my brokenness and that I was worth dying for to Him.
The depths He rescued me from how am I supposed to explain to you? I can't believe that I have so much on the outside but I could be so utterly desolate on the inside. But now I see that you understand, don't you? I don't need to explain the depths of the valleys because I believe you've been there too. If you are there, I feel the desire to give it all away to find you and meet you there because I want to hold you like He held me and tell you there's a joy that can overcome this sorrow! There is pleasure that can overcome this pain!
You must look at the cross, where the greatest example for us is set. There, where the worst event in all of eternity took place, became the greatest, most glorious moment of our eternal lives! Look at Christ...if the Father would turn His cross to a crown for Him, will He not also do the same for you, His adopted child? If He gave His only Son for You, will He not also raise you up with Him? My friend, I have wept for you because I've seen how low one can sink despite all of this knowledge, but let it go from your head to your heart. Even Jesus Himself cried out to our Father, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?" (Matt. 27:46) Is there a degree pain foreign to Him? Emotional hell, spiritual poverty, mental battles, physical death...He has known it all. And He has known it all FOR YOU, so in your darkest hour you would not have to be forsaken! He was forsaken and crucified FOR YOUR SAKE! It is not hopeless for you!
To know Him is to love Him. And to love Him is to live. Please believe me because He has rescued me from the same depths of hell as you! If He hadn't, you would probably never have called a Leah Blatt your friend. My testimony is this, that I am nothing without all Jesus has done for me, all the Father has loved me, and all the Holy Spirit has changed in me. Now my reason to live is not my family, but my God. He is becoming everything to me. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. (Phil. 1:21)
If only I could scream this testimony to the ends of the earth, if only I could look into the searching eyes of the eternally lost and proclaim this saving faith, if only I could give my life for them as He did for me in further demonstration of His great love...how many would respond? Oh God, here am I, send me!
It's bringing tears to my eyes even now to remember those hopeless nights where I didn't want to wake up and face another day because I only dreaded the pain the future would bring. I remember sitting in my car with the hope I could just sit there in safety forever. Sometimes I would scream at God, sometimes I would scream at myself, and sometimes I would sit in silence and surrender to my helplessness. Somewhere in the midst of that storm I met my Savior Jesus Christ. He held me in the pouring rain and He cried with me and He prayed for me and He strengthened me and He told me that even though I felt insane and worthless, that I was beautiful in my brokenness and that I was worth dying for to Him.
The depths He rescued me from how am I supposed to explain to you? I can't believe that I have so much on the outside but I could be so utterly desolate on the inside. But now I see that you understand, don't you? I don't need to explain the depths of the valleys because I believe you've been there too. If you are there, I feel the desire to give it all away to find you and meet you there because I want to hold you like He held me and tell you there's a joy that can overcome this sorrow! There is pleasure that can overcome this pain!
You must look at the cross, where the greatest example for us is set. There, where the worst event in all of eternity took place, became the greatest, most glorious moment of our eternal lives! Look at Christ...if the Father would turn His cross to a crown for Him, will He not also do the same for you, His adopted child? If He gave His only Son for You, will He not also raise you up with Him? My friend, I have wept for you because I've seen how low one can sink despite all of this knowledge, but let it go from your head to your heart. Even Jesus Himself cried out to our Father, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?" (Matt. 27:46) Is there a degree pain foreign to Him? Emotional hell, spiritual poverty, mental battles, physical death...He has known it all. And He has known it all FOR YOU, so in your darkest hour you would not have to be forsaken! He was forsaken and crucified FOR YOUR SAKE! It is not hopeless for you!
To know Him is to love Him. And to love Him is to live. Please believe me because He has rescued me from the same depths of hell as you! If He hadn't, you would probably never have called a Leah Blatt your friend. My testimony is this, that I am nothing without all Jesus has done for me, all the Father has loved me, and all the Holy Spirit has changed in me. Now my reason to live is not my family, but my God. He is becoming everything to me. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. (Phil. 1:21)
If only I could scream this testimony to the ends of the earth, if only I could look into the searching eyes of the eternally lost and proclaim this saving faith, if only I could give my life for them as He did for me in further demonstration of His great love...how many would respond? Oh God, here am I, send me!