so all my "average white male" friends can shut the HAY-EL up.
I Hereby Declare The Time Period Between March 16, 2007 at 3:14:16 AM and March 17, 2007 at 3:14:16 AM "Average White Male Appreciation Day."
Frequently Asked Questions
"How can I show my appreciation for the Average White Male?"
- AWMs tend to be a rather clueless and awkward people. You can demonstrate your tolerance and understanding of all AWMs by learning more about their culture. Go to your local library or peruse the internet to find recordings of the Allman Brothers or Phil Collins. Go to your local firing range to learn more about the fine art of marksmanship, and the AWM's tradition of learning how to shoot while under the influence. (*ID will be checked at the door to ensure that all participants are 14 and older*) Go to the beach and get a sunburn. Steal someone else's land, rent Dogtown and the Z-Boys, pop your collar, and learn to love the WWF.
"But won't the AWMs be insulted?"
- Of course not. They're Average White Males. They won't even notice you're mocking them.
"Why are we mocking them at all? Isn't it true that AWMs founded this country?"
- That is a common misconception. The United States were not founded by AWMs, it was found by AWMs. They were going to India and refused to stop for directions. In order to save face, they decided to claim the land they had found and pretend they meant to do it all along. So it's not so much that they founded this country as it was that they attempted to save face after screwing up.
"Is it true that AWMs eat squirrel?"
- Yes, as a matter of fact, this urban legend turns out to be quite true. In fact, we have included a classic AWM recipe for Fried Squirrel below. Why not fry up a batch for the kids tonight and make dinner an educational experience?
Fried Squirrel
ingredients:
3 or more medium sized squirrels, flour, salt, pepper, 3 lbs solid lard, breadcrumbs, and butter.
preparation:
1. skin squirrels.
2. melt down lard and add butter.
3. toss squirrel carcasses in flour and liberally salt and pepper each.
4. deep-fry until crispy and golden brown.
5. devour.