T'is the Season
woke this morning not sure that the dream ended and where morning began.....my reality is become more unclear as we speak....my mask is one M-F 9-5, then there is the other mask for the strangers i live with....who after months still seem unknown too me....
it must be the season....or the weather.....what can i blame this errie feeling upon.
im trying t igore it. but there is so much that keeps pilling on my plate i feel that i may slip and drop it all over the floor! my car over heated....in the last week i had it towed twice...its at a foreign garage now and the esitamte is $150....not sure if that includes labor. im in NH now. after the car thing i jump on a bus and ran away......i need to get out of the city. not sure im a city person...i like knowing how to get around and where things are......
my future is staring me in the face......and i feel so unorganized and tense.
i feel like i kinda lost myself somewhere. and my faith is lacking....but its like i had a choice......God or a relationship..... and i took the realtionship. i mean how can you realistically BE IN A RELASTIONSHIP and be a true caholic? you would be just friends really who can hold hands and peck eachother on the cheek. if you attempy anymore you are not being a true catholic. so im in a worldly realtionship...and yes i see the point of respect that the church calls for and i agree with it more and more but im already up to my head in my current situation..and he wouldnt ever understand...he hates catholicism! so i could let him go.......but then i would be alone..and i dont want that. i have this fear of it now...funny all these years i was afraid of a realationship and now im afraid to leave one!
so anyways. thats me loosing myself........without God im just an emtpy shell...but its just me wanting to do everything and not wanting to deal with choices!
i just finsihed some shoping for the season...and all that material crap made me want to touch something that was real and words are real....this is real.....
it must be the season....or the weather.....what can i blame this errie feeling upon.
im trying t igore it. but there is so much that keeps pilling on my plate i feel that i may slip and drop it all over the floor! my car over heated....in the last week i had it towed twice...its at a foreign garage now and the esitamte is $150....not sure if that includes labor. im in NH now. after the car thing i jump on a bus and ran away......i need to get out of the city. not sure im a city person...i like knowing how to get around and where things are......
my future is staring me in the face......and i feel so unorganized and tense.
i feel like i kinda lost myself somewhere. and my faith is lacking....but its like i had a choice......God or a relationship..... and i took the realtionship. i mean how can you realistically BE IN A RELASTIONSHIP and be a true caholic? you would be just friends really who can hold hands and peck eachother on the cheek. if you attempy anymore you are not being a true catholic. so im in a worldly realtionship...and yes i see the point of respect that the church calls for and i agree with it more and more but im already up to my head in my current situation..and he wouldnt ever understand...he hates catholicism! so i could let him go.......but then i would be alone..and i dont want that. i have this fear of it now...funny all these years i was afraid of a realationship and now im afraid to leave one!
so anyways. thats me loosing myself........without God im just an emtpy shell...but its just me wanting to do everything and not wanting to deal with choices!
i just finsihed some shoping for the season...and all that material crap made me want to touch something that was real and words are real....this is real.....