(no subject)
Disclaimer, before we start : Nothing I say in this post will be bought up against me. Ever. If you choose to read further, you give up all rights to react to what I say, think and feel.
Remember this fucking deal before coming at me next time.
First off ... I've been sick far too much this year. No, seriously, I have. I never thought myself one to get sick often, but this year has been hell. First the near-delerium over Easter, then the week off at the start of season, and now what I've got now. Which, granted, is slightly better - I can breathe most of the time, and I'm not hacking up much now. But I still wake up halfway through the night in fits of coughing, to the point where my lower back clenches and my eyes weep.
The good news ? Neither inhalers or cough mixture works. But it should only last another three weeks or so.
Secondly; Brook has left. He was going to leave at Christmas to go to Riverlands (the slaughterhouse) but instead his girlfriend got pregnant so he moved with her.
Being only 17, gotta give him kudos for understanding the concept of responsibility. Then beat him.
The guy who took over, I happen to have known in the past. When I was awkward and shy and uncomfortable. It was bad enough Brook and Matt were friends - oh yes, yes it was - but to then end up working with Matt's younger brother ?
Then to realize he's going to drive me insane ?
Really, he will. For one, he touched the radio. The only thing I declare seniority over. Brook made the same mistake, but he quit changing the station once I pointed out anything but The Rock aggravates me. Three hours of pop ? Enough to make me fucking snap. But Karl ? Oooo, he just had to go that one step further and end up with the radio on a goddamn fucking talk show ! That's right. Four hours of nothing but the news and some twits rambling on. Consequently, I went to my boss and asked for the ladder.
The radion was back on The Rock this afternon.
For another, his concept of common sense is beyond me. Cow kicking the shit out of the bar while I struggle to inject it ? Nope, won't bother helping. My stick on his side ? Nope, won't toss it back. I go out to answer my cell, leaving him to stop the platform ? Nope, won't think of that. Me trying to shove a cow back into the bale after he's let the platform go too far ? No need to reverse it. I stop said platform while I go shift the gate ? No reason to check if there's a goddamn leg band on it, we'll just let it go.
I can't rely on him to watch his side of the platform. I can't rely on him to watch mine. I can't rely on him to do his job, nor mine.
But he's getting better. I'm sure of it.
Thirdly : Fuck. you. all.
Yeah, you feckin heard me. Screw. you.
I'm through trying to fit into the moulds you create for me. I'm tired of hearing "You're no fun anymore." I'm tired of getting one word fuckin responses or "Right ... " "Uh ... huh ..." "....." "o.o ..."
I don't care if I'm no fun. I have shit to deal with which just happens to be slightly more important than pleasing you. I don't care if what I say makes no sense to you, I don't need you making me feel like a moron for it. I don't give two shits if me declaring Ichimaru stopped smirking for two seconds - le gasp ! seems nothing more than nonsense, you just need to nod and fucking pretend like you care.
I do the same for you. But for me ? Oh no. When I'm happy ? Let's all just shit on Dahky because she isn't talking about stuff like hair and guys.
Next ? It's none of your fuckin business if I treat him well. I never intended to do anything but. Back the fuck off.
And then ... the stress.
Yeah, you've all fuckin noticed. Through the homicidal urges of my PMSing, or my chain smoking, or abrupt mood swings, or sparatic bursts of depression; it hasn't exactly been hidden. But why oh why would I be under any stress ?
One : my job. As previously stated, having Karl there is training a new guy. I don't do the teacher thing. I frustrate way too easy to be any good at it. Apparently, not something taken into account.
Two : my body. I don't care what any of you have to say about this. It's been a long time since I didn't care about societys views on how I look. I want to trust that Jase would be proud to have me saunter beside him; I want guys to notice me for once. I'm tired of hearing how I'm getting bigger, when it utterly scapes people I'm not living on junk food. But oh no, we must just attack and assume.
Three : money. Ohh yes ... but hey, 'bout time I grew up, huh ? 'Bout time everything but the gas and power was left for me to pay for. 'Bout time I could barely afford smokes, let alone Christmas presents. It just outright depresses and irritates me to hear you ramble about your new stuff - I should have money for it, but I don't. Why ? Because I'm trying to survive, and I don't know how long I can. Stop rubbing it in already.
Or better yet, you give me the 300 or so needed for this months bill. Over 80 fucking dollars of toll calls made by my sister she didn't feel the need to tell me about. The date for giving me the money for reumbersement ? Last week.
Annnd ...
Kitty is eating again. Hasn't gained much weight, but its a start. I also awake often to find him and Loki curled up on my bed, without blood being spilt.
Photo ID has arrived. Yey. Legally allowed to shove it up the ass of the next condescending piece of shit that tells their supervisor I "think" I'm 18.
DT drew me gift art @.@ For one, it's Tau and Ambient, and he dislikes Tau and her various male partners. For two, it's got a background. For three, original outfit for Tau again. For four ... it's so g'damn cute I think I shit myself.
Simpe things make me ecstatic.
Plus ... the big thing.
The thing Dan sounded damn near ready to throw a parade about. And if I haven't told you about it ? There's a good reason for that. And it isn't because I regret it, because I really don't. Nor because I wasn't serious, because I was. It isn't because I'm unhappy. It's not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed. And it sure as hell ain't because I'd rather be with someone else.
I just want to keep this for myself a little longer.
[clings and luffles upon her lover .. all official now]
....
Yeah. That's all you get.
D< Least until you stop being so damn stubborn.