(no subject)
Since the breakup, James and I decided to be friends. We were doing a fair job of it, too, until he found out that 1) I was dating somebody, and 2) that David decided to be a part of Gabby's life. He threw a mini-fit at that point, decided he no longer wanted to talk with me but would still like to see Gabby. His compromise was to see Gabby on Friday evenings when she's at Gramma's house. This was awesome, but I found myself questioning his motivations. I didn't have any set assumptions, but it just kind of didn't seem like a typical ex-boyfriend move. Nate and a few other people brought up similar concerns, so for the interest of knowing what was going on, I asked James about it last night. I hit a nerve. He assumed that I had some negative reason for asking (even though I explained my motivation for doing so), and as of this morning he no longer wants to be a part of anybody's life. Overreaction? Definitely. My problem? Not so much. His reasoning for seeing Gab was that he didn't think it was fair to her that they couldn't spend time together just because we're not dating. I'm not so sure that was the full truth, considering his end reaction to my question. How is that is Gab's best interests?
And speaking of children and best interests, I'm having a much worse time than the past few years in taking Josh and Johannah's birthday in stride. Nate found a possible link to the fact that David just recently popped back up in Gab's life -- I'm not sure what the link is exactly, but I'm not very proud of how I've handled my emotions over the situation. I woke up this morning just...down. Totally. And I lashed out at Nate which is severely uncool, and that made me feel even worse. And the fact that he took it so well and is so supportive and loves me so much hurts more. How could I do that to him? A part of me still hates myself for not having my first two kids, and when I begin doing self-destructive things as a result it's just a really nasty downward spiral. Bleh. I content myself with knowing that Josh and Jo are well taken care of and are probably very happy. I just wish I had a better form of resolution on that situation.
Nate came up with the amazingly good idea of taking Gab and I to the Rockies game tonight. We managed to get super-cheap seats (Nate said $9 total at Coors Field) and I plan to bring goodies with us to the game, so hopefully it's been a cheap-but-fun outing. We really need to do some laundry tonight, too -- that was the catalyst of my inability to cope this morning, the lack of clothes to wear to work. I think I'd like to get a girls night in arranged with Jenni and Alicia sometime soon, also.
Uck. Have to walk back to work now.
And speaking of children and best interests, I'm having a much worse time than the past few years in taking Josh and Johannah's birthday in stride. Nate found a possible link to the fact that David just recently popped back up in Gab's life -- I'm not sure what the link is exactly, but I'm not very proud of how I've handled my emotions over the situation. I woke up this morning just...down. Totally. And I lashed out at Nate which is severely uncool, and that made me feel even worse. And the fact that he took it so well and is so supportive and loves me so much hurts more. How could I do that to him? A part of me still hates myself for not having my first two kids, and when I begin doing self-destructive things as a result it's just a really nasty downward spiral. Bleh. I content myself with knowing that Josh and Jo are well taken care of and are probably very happy. I just wish I had a better form of resolution on that situation.
Nate came up with the amazingly good idea of taking Gab and I to the Rockies game tonight. We managed to get super-cheap seats (Nate said $9 total at Coors Field) and I plan to bring goodies with us to the game, so hopefully it's been a cheap-but-fun outing. We really need to do some laundry tonight, too -- that was the catalyst of my inability to cope this morning, the lack of clothes to wear to work. I think I'd like to get a girls night in arranged with Jenni and Alicia sometime soon, also.
Uck. Have to walk back to work now.