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My parents taught me that there was no safe space. Love is conditional. I will always be judged, and harshly. That I should always endeavor to prove myself worthy, and that I will never live up to any standard
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While this is certainly how I feel -- as my parents fucked me up, and as at least one ridiculously terrible ex treating me as a commodity reinforced -- life actually isn't too bad right now. I actually met someone last weekend, and it's kind of crazy. Half crazy, in that I've never felt so open to someone so quickly, and we actually sleep together perfectly, rather than my usual spoon-until-she-sleeps-at-which-time-I-toss-and-turn motif. Half crazy, in that she's from Indiana, and has a couple yellow-to-red flag medical issues (BPD plus an immune disorder = someone who needs to take special care of herself, and is uniquely equipped to do anything but. Deja vu). Bloody weird. AN LDR with flags on the play, yet I can't remember the last time I got along with someone so well. Met her at CON. First date was a combo of panels: Drugs & Alcohol with P.Z. Myers, then a Skepchick panel on the female orgasm.
Who's turned on by discussing 5-HTP pathways, lysergic acid diethylamide, and has two thumbs? This guy.
Things aren't *that* bad, but DAMN coming down from alcohol makes you emo. I think that's why people go to bed first.
Isn't she cute?
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